Finding My Angel
by krissy7490
Summary: Third story to "Evil Intent" and "Trials of Love." Castiel must decide whether to try to renew the love he and Dean once had when Dean has no memory of what once was. Contains Dean/Castiel. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Finding My Angel

_Yeah yeah. I know I said I wouldn't start the sequel until I finished When Reality Hits. Unfortunately, my brain had other intentions and the first chapter or two of this has been plaguing me since an hour after I posted the last chapter of Trials of Love! *sigh* So here it is! I decided to just go for it!_

**Disclaimer: **Supernatural is not mine no matter how much I beg and plead. Dean and Castiel only are mine in my dreams. : (

Chapter 1

It had been a month since Dean had escaped from Hell. It had been a whirlwind of a month as it had first been spent trying to convince his friends and family he was _not_ a shapeshifter, demon, ghost, revenant, or any other thing a trained hunter could think of. It took some holy water and cutting himself with a silver knife to do the trick, but eventually everyone had settled down enough where he could actually be relieved about being _home_.

The second part had been adjusting to his new life. Dean had known life would continue without him. That's how life was. But he wasn't fully prepared as to what that would mean until he and Bobby went and found Sam. Dean learned that Sam had gone off on his own not long after they had buried him. Dean had no problem tracking him down, however, thanks to knowing his brother almost better than himself. When Dean found him, though, he wasn't prepared for the beautiful brown-haired, blue-eyed bombshell that answered the door.

"This is Amanda," Sam explained once the initial shock of seeing Dean had worn off. "It's OK… she knows everything… she's a hunter too."

Dean learned that Sam had gone off the deep end after he had died and was on a pretty self destructive path. He was going after demons, trying to make a deal to bring Dean back, when he ran into Amanda after an attempt to make a deal went very very bad. She had been in the area after hearing rumors about an unusual number of demons sightings and had spotted the building Sam was in and saw it catch fire. She helped Sam get out safely and then helped him through his grief. Since she was a hunter Sam could actually open up about everything that had happened and she could actually somewhat understand.

It was obvious to Dean as he watched the two them together that Sam was head-over-heels in love with her. Even though they had only been together for a few months Sam and Amanda acted as though they had been together for years. Sam was more relaxed and at ease than Dean could remember even seeing him as he lounged on the couch in the small house he and Amanda shared. Dean knew as he watched Sam gently cover Amanda's hand with his own that he had made his decision and that decision included a life with this woman.

Dean was happy for Sam. He was. It made him feel better to know that Sam wasn't suffering alone while he had been gone. And Amanda was everything Dean had hoped Sam would find in a woman. Beautiful, intelligent, feisty, and willing to live the hunter lifestyle.

Still, he couldn't help feel a twinge of jealousy as he watched them together, so happy and so in love. He knew without asking that Sam was getting the chance to have the life he had always dreamed of. A life without having to seek revenge and be alone in a motel room night after night. He could now have the house, the wife, the family. Everything. And while Dean knew it would mean he would have to step back, he would never deprive Sam of what he wanted. And for that he knew Sam was grateful.

Besides, Dean had much bigger concerns at the moment. Specifically, how did he manage to escape from Hell? It hadn't been Sam or Bobby as both had vehemently denied making any deals. The only evidence that whoever had done it had left were scars on each of Dean's shoulders in the form of a handprint. Even with this they had no success in finding any answers in Bobby's books.

At one point, Bobby contacted an old friend, Pamela Barnes, who was a psychic to try to see if she could find anything out. Bobby had assured Dean that she was the best psychic around and that if anyone could find out what happened it would be her.

Dean instantly liked Pamela. She was a little older than him, but beautiful and _definitely_ feisty. She wasn't afraid to dish back the friendly flirting Dean sent her way and he couldn't help but be a little hopeful that even if this séance didn't work out then at least he could get a little "Welcome Back from Hell" action.

The séance that took place did prove to be interesting, although not in the way Dean had expected. They had sat around the table and Pamela tried to make contact. Her hand on the scar on Dean's shoulder was soft and cool.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle. I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle," Her voice was calm, commanding as she worked to summon whoever it was. "I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."

Dean heard the TV make a noise and saw the screen flicker when he looked at it. He saw Pamela frown.

"Why won't you tell me your name?" Her frown deepened with confusion. "I am asking you to appear before me… I'm not afraid to look at your face…"

Dean couldn't explain it but something felt… off… like there was something wrong. Now the radio on the counter began going berserk and the table they were sitting around began to shake.

"I don't understand why you're afraid," Pamela insisted. "You are a powerful being to be able to pull Dean from Hell… why would you not want him to know who you are?"

Suddenly, the TV exploded, the glass making up the screen spraying across the living room. Then a sound unlike anything Dean had ever heard before pierced the room. Its loudness and pitch was so intense that everyone at the table cried out in pain and desperately covered their ears in an attempt to block out the sound. The windows shattered in the room and the table continued to shake.

And then it was over just as quickly as it had begun. When Dean looked up he saw Pamela hadn't been covering her ears like everyone else. But the look on her face showed that she had heard something completely different than the rest of them.

"It doesn't want to be known," Pamela said in a hoarse whisper. Her confident smile was gone and her face was pale. "I… I'm sorry."

She rushed everyone out of the house before Dean could ask her anything else. He couldn't help but notice, though, that she wouldn't meet his eye as he left.

* * *

With no other leads Dean was forced to try and return to the old routine of hunting. Since Sam wasn't traveling very far from his new home Dean was back to being on his own. He didn't mind it so much, but it was still lonely at times.

It was the loneliness that had driven him to the bar that night. It was some rundown shamble of a bar out in the middle of nowhere. Dean had wrapped up a pretty basic hunt of getting rid of a ghost in an abandoned house. Nothing too difficult for him. He was content to settle himself up at the bar and drink his beer while scoping out the other patrons. There was one girl who he thought looked pretty promising. A cute blonde thing wearing a tight t-shirt and even tighter jeans that Dean was more than ready to get her out of. He had made eye contact with her a couple times while she played pool with some of her friends. He knew he was doing good when she would smile and wink back at him.

He was ordering another beer when a figure at the end of the bar caught his eye all of a sudden. It was a man, appearing to be in his mid-thirties. He had dark hair and what had caught Dean's eye was how he was dressed. Instead of the other patrons who wore leather jackets or Carharts, this man was dressed in a simple business suit and wore a long tan trench coat over it. He looked like a tax accountant who would be more at home in an office than a grungy smoky bar room. He didn't seem to be interested in the crowd at the bar and no one was taking any particular note of him except for Dean. He had a beer in front of him that looked untouched while the man silently watched the big screen TV that was hung over the bar.

Dean didn't know why he was staring at this strange man. It wasn't like he had never seen an out-of-place guy in a bar before. But there was something about _this_ guy that held Dean's interest. Maybe it was the expressionless look on his face as he watched the football game, showing no interest towards either of the teams. Maybe it was the way the beer never made its way to the man's lips.

"Hey there," a voice suddenly said next to Dean. He turned and saw blonde from the pool table sidling coyly up next to him with a flirty smile on her face. "Mind having some company?"

Dean quickly plastered on his most charming smile and tried to ignore the nagging voice inside his head that wanted to study the man at the other side of the bar more.

"Not at all. Name's Dean," Dean said smiling.

"Brandy," Brandy replied. She flagged the bartender down and ordered herself a drink. "So, what brings you here?"

"Just taking a night off," Dean replied. "Yourself?"

"My friends and I are passing through. We're on our way to Wyoming. Big cross country trip."

It didn't take Dean long to figure out that this girl was interested in the exact same thing he was. And that was perfectly fine for him. That meant a lot less work on his part. When the conversation was interrupted by her phone receiving a text message, however, that she had to answer, Dean took the opportunity to sneak a glance at the mystery man at the end of the bar.

To his shock, Dean saw the man looking directly at him, watching his interactions with the young woman. The man quickly looked away and down at the beer in front of him as if he was embarrassed about being noticed. If Dean didn't know better, he would have sworn that the man looked… hurt.

Brandy quickly gave Dean's arm a tug to get his attention.

"Hey! I just told my girlfriends that I would be staying with you tonight. How about we get out of this place?"

Dean smiled and stood up. He threw some cash on the bar before wrapping his arm around Brandy's waist. He forced himself not to look back at the man at the bar.

"Sounds good to me," Dean said as they began weaving their way to the door.

* * *

Castiel watched Dean leave the bar with his arm wrapped around the blonde girl's waist. He felt his heart break as he knew what they would be doing later.

_This is the way it has to be. This is the way it will be. Dean will have his own life now. He doesn't know who you are._

Castiel was grateful for everything his Father had given him. He was an angel once more. A high-ranking angel at that. And he no longer had any reason to have to be on Earth. He could enjoy the peace of Heaven for all eternity.

Yet here he was. In a bar. In the middle of nowhere.

He didn't know himself the reason why he had come here. Perhaps it was the faint gleam of hope that somehow Dean would remember everything once he saw him. That Dean would run to him and take him in his arms once again. But he had seen the curious look in Dean's eyes, but there was no recognition there.

The séance with Pamela had threatened to expose Castiel and he remembered vividly what had happened to the psychic the last time. He didn't want to repeat that performance so he reacted the only way he could think of. He used his true voice with the knowledge she would be able to hear it.

_"I rendered you blind before, Pamela, in another life, and I will not do that to you again. I am righting the wrongs of a past life and Dean Winchester must never know who I am. I love him too much to hurt him again. I am an angel of the Lord, Pamela, and I am entrusting you to never reveal that fact."_

He knew that she wasn't expecting that response and had been relieved that she actually kept her silence. His secret was safe with her.

But yet here he was. Risking exposure.

Risking heartache.

Castiel stood up and made his way out of the bar. No one paid any attention to him as he entered the night outside.

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Alright, so what'd you guys think? It's a little weird writing an alternate universe-type story, but I think it should be pretty interesting. And just so you guys know, I only have a very vague idea of where the story is headed so I'm really looking forward to your feedback to help give me ideas!

Thanks for reading! : )


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dean watched Brandy as she gave him a parting little smile and wave as she went out the motel room door. He ran his hand over his face and his mind struggled to make sense of the jumbled thoughts he was experiencing.

The sex last night had been great. Well, not _the_ most mind-blowing sex he had ever had. But it had been fun and felt good and was everything sex was supposed to be. He should know. He'd certainly had it enough times.

So why did he feel so… empty?

He crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. Flicking on the light switch he leaned over the sink and studied his features in the cheap mirror. Physically Dean looked exactly the same as he ever had. Same haircut. Same eyes. Same facial features.

But he had noticed some changes since he came back from Hell. Physically anyway. Specifically, other than the bizarre hand prints on his shoulders, he didn't have any of his old scars. No old bullets wounds or knife cuts. Nothing. It was strange and it should have made him feel good to know that physically he was completely healed. Instead, it only made him wonder more about what had happened.

With a sigh, Dean went over to the bathtub and turned on the water. Once it was hot enough he switched it over to the shower and got in. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the tiles as he felt the hot water beat against his tired muscles.

Something was missing in his life. It was the only thing Dean could say for sure. He felt like some_thing_ or some_one_ that was supposed to be there wasn't. He could feel it with every fiber of his being, even though it made no sense. At first he thought it was Sam, but surprisingly he realized that Sam wasn't it. Sure, he missed having his brother around and he missed him when he was on a hunt, but Sam not being around wasn't what was making him feel this way.

He couldn't think of what it could be. Everyone who had been around when he died was still around. He got back all his things when he came back, including his beloved Impala. It just didn't make any sense.

He finally shook his head and opened his eyes. There was no point in driving himself crazy with all this now. He decided to try and think about something else.

His thoughts turned to the bar last night and to the mysterious man he had seen. There had been something about him, something that made him seem incredibly out of place. And it wasn't just the way he was dressed. Dean had seen businessmen in rundown bars all the time. It was just something in his presence. Something about the way he watched the TV, as if it were some strange thing that he had never seen before and was trying to understand.

And then there was the look he had given him as Dean had been leaving the bar. As if it was physically hurting the man to see Dean and that girl walk out of that bar together. For some reason Dean knew that the man hadn't been upset about girl in that he was a jilted lover or something of that nature. Dean knew that she wasn't from around here and that guy hadn't looked like she was his type anyway. But there was something still… and Dean couldn't put his finger on it.

_Guess that means only one thing_, Dean thought to himself as he shut off the water and began drying himself off. _Gonna have to take a trip back to that bar._

* * *

"I just want to check out this one thing, Bobby," Dean said casually as he pulled into the bar's parking lot. "I promise I'll be back as soon as I get some answers."

The one thing that Dean was noticing since his return was suddenly having to account for his location _all the time_. If it wasn't Sam worried about him and what he was doing, it was Bobby anxiously checking on him and making sure he was OK.

"I just don't see why I can't drive out there and give you a hand," Bobby replied. "I could be there in less than half an hour."

"Because there's no point in you driving all the way out here," Dean replied as he shifted the car into park. "Seriously, it's probably nothing."

"But it's something out of the ordinary enough for you to want to go after it."

Dean sighed. "Look, it's just some weird guy. He's probably someone that just got dumped by his wife or something and he's hanging out in a bar trying to drink away his sorrows."

Even as Dean said it he knew it was complete crap. There was something decidedly not normal about that guy and Dean had made up his mind to determine how not normal the guy was.

"Fine," Bobby sighed reluctantly. "But if you run into any trouble just give me a call."

Dean grinned. "Will do, Bobby. Talk to you later."

He hung up the phone as he got out of the car. Taking a deep breath he began walking up to the entrance. He was surprised at how anxious he was feeling. He knew that the likelihood of the guy actually being there again was slim to none, but he couldn't help but hope that he was there. He _wanted_ the guy to be sitting there again. Dean _wanted_ to see him again.

_You have completely lost it, Winchester,_ Dean thought to himself with a sigh as he pushed the door open.

The bar wasn't as crowded as it had been the previous night. Dean recognized a few of the patrons from the night before as they hung around the pool tables and huddled around some of the tables. He recognized the song playing on the juke box as being Led Zepplin's _Stairway to Heaven_ as he weaved his way around the various obstacles between him and the bar.

And then Dean saw him.

If he didn't know any better Dean would have sworn the guy hadn't moved from that spot since the previous night. The dark haired man was sitting on the same bar stool, a single beer in front of him, watching the TV intently. It even looked like he was wearing the same suit under the long trench coat, the tie slightly loosed from around his neck.

Dean sat down at the bar, this time a few seats closer than before. He tried to appear calm and he couldn't understand why he was so darn excited about seeing the guy again.

"Back again?" The bartender asked casually as he brought Dean a beer, the same as the night before.

Dean grinned. "Yup. You have a good memory."

The bartender shrugged. "Don't get a lot of new faces in here so they tend to stick out when there are. You from around here?"

Dean shook his head. "Not exactly. Moved in with my Uncle about a month ago over in Sioux Falls, but my work has me traveling quite a bit."

The bartender nodded as he polished the glass in his hand. "Well, it's good to have you here. My name's Andy."

"Dean," he replied.

He shot a glance down the bar at the man who didn't appear to be paying attention to the conversation. Deciding to risk it Dean cleared his throat.

"So… you know everyone that comes here?" Dean asked trying to sound conversational.

Andy nodded. "Pretty much. Not so much the people that stop by once, but usually if they stop in a couple times I pick up their names."

Dean inclined his head towards the man at the end of the bar. "So you know the tax accountant's story?"

Andy glanced over at the man and smiled ruefully.

"I know a little bit about him. Started coming in about a week ago. Quiet guy, doesn't say much. Orders a beer and watches the TV for a few hours. Normally I'd be pissed that someone was taking up a spot for so long and only ordering one beer, but he's one hell of a tipper so I just leave him alone. Besides," Andy glanced over at him. "The guy's so damn quiet you almost forget he's there anyways."

Dean nodded thoughtfully. "Does he have a name?"

"Told me I could call him 'Cas.' Not sure what that might be short for. Wouldn't say." Andy looked up as some people came in and sat down at the bar. "Pardon me for a minute there, Dean."

Dean smiled politely and nodded. He mulled over the new information Andy had given him, although it only seemed to deepen the mystery. Dean felt pretty safe ruling out that he was a demon as the majority of demons were incapable of remains quiet and unnoticed for very long. And he wasn't a ghost as the bartender clearly saw him. Dean was absolutely stumped.

He shot Cas a glanced and what he saw made his heart jump in his throat.

Cas was obviously staring at him as if he knew that Dean had been talking about him. He could see a look of surprise in the man's eyes, but also something else. If Dean were to be truthful with himself, he would almost swear it was… longing.

Suddenly, Cas looked away, as if he were embarrassed about being noticed. Dean watched as he quickly threw some bills on the bar and stood up. His heart dropped as he watched the man quickly weave through the crowd towards the exit.

Without knowing why Dean quickly got up and followed the man. He had no idea what he was doing or why he was following him. He had no idea what he was going to say if he did manage to catch up to him.

Cas went through the door first and it swung shut behind him. Dean soon followed and he stepped out into the cool night air.

And the man was gone.

Dean frowned as he scanned the parking lot in confusion. The man was nowhere to be found. Dean quickly walked around the building to see if maybe the man had gone around, but found nothing. Then Dean realized something. The bar was out in the middle of nowhere, but yet there were no cars missing from when he had first gone into the bar. In fact, there were a couple new ones parked there.

Something was up and now Dean had made up his mind to figure out what exactly it was.

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Man, it still feels a little weird writing about Dean and Castiel this way, but it is kind of fun! Everyone's feedback has been awesome and much appreciated! Don't be shy about sharing it because I absolutely love reading it! : )


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Bobby, there's something up with this guy. I know it. Last night just proved it. I mean, I searched that entire parking lot and he was _gone_. I've been doing this all my life, Bobby, and I know people can't disappear into thin air like that. There's no way he's human. Now I just have to figure out what he is."

Dean was at the local library, searching through whatever books he thought would be helpful while he talked to Bobby on his cell phone.

He heard Bobby sigh on the other end of the line. "Dean… I'm glad you're all gung ho to figure this out, but don't you think you're going a little… I dunno… overboard?"

Dean frowned. "Overboard? I thought you'd be happy that I was working hard on a hunt."

"I am, Dean. I am. It's just… you've only been back barely a month. And most of that has been taken up with you running all over creation hunting on your own. Shouldn't you be taking it easy for a while?"

"Why? Bobby, when I came back whatever did it made me the healthiest I have ever been in my entire life. I got a second chance and I intend to make the most of it."

"But you've barely seen Sam the whole time you've been back."

Dean hesitated before clearing his throat.

"Sam has his own life now. He doesn't need me hanging around all the time," He said gruffly.

Bobby sighed. "So that's what this is about."

Dean's frown deepened. "What?"

"This is about Sam being with Amanda."

"No, this is not about Sam or Amanda. This is about me trying to do research for a hunt and you're the one making it out to be something else."

Dean heard silence on the other end of the line and he silently prayed Bobby would end the discussion there. While he was happy for Sam, there was a part of him was hurt that Sam had moved on, not that he would ever admit that.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Bobby said quietly. "I guess I'm just an old worry-wart. Kind hard to keep an eye on ya when you're off on your own and I just don't want to lose you again."

Dean couldn't help but feel touched at Bobby's concern. He couldn't blame the guy. He really hadn't hung around long after he found out about Sam. And Bobby had always been like a surrogate father to him.

"Hey, it's OK," Dean replied quietly. "Look… how about after I wrap this up here I head back to your place. I promise to lay low for a few weeks and take it easy. I'll help around the garage and stuff."

Dean was sure that Bobby couldn't have sounded happier if he had given the guy a million dollars.

"Well, I suppose that would be OK," Bobby replied, trying to make it sound casual, but Dean could hear the excitement in his voice. "So why don't you tell me what you've got so far? What does the guy even look like? How does he act?"

Dean sighed. "He looks completely normal… well… I mean if you were to pass him walking down the street you wouldn't really notice him. Business type. It's the way he acts that's weird. He just sits at the bar and watches the TV like it's the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. Orders a beer, but never drinks it. Doesn't talk to anyone, just keeps to himself. I mean, I've never heard of a demon keeping quiet for very long, have you?"

"No, I haven't. Most demons would have gotten bored enough by now to want to stir up some trouble. Were you able to get anything else?"

"Not really… oh, wait. Yeah, there was one other thing. The bartender had a name, or at least part of a name. 'Cas.' That's got to be short for something, right? I mean, I tried looking it up, but all the names I found are kind of weird."

Dean noticed Bobby had become strangely silent.

"Uh… Bobby? You still there?"

"What? Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, I'm here. Look, Dean, I'm gonna do some research on my end and see what I can find for ya. Just… just keep me posted, alright?"

Dean had known Bobby long enough to know that the older hunter knew something that he wasn't sharing. Dean also knew enough to wait until Bobby was ready to share his knowledge rather then start demanding answers.

"Alright. Will do. Thanks, Bobby."

"No problem, Dean."

* * *

Dean pulled into the bar parking lot and he felt his heart pound with anticipation. He knew he was on to something and part of him was afraid that now that he was finally closing in that the man wouldn't be there tonight. Dean was well aware that he had no idea where else to look for this guy and that if he stopped coming to the bar that the hunt would be over.

There was another part of him that Dean was loathed to admit to, but he secretly found himself looking forward to just seeing this strange man. The man was good looking and there was an air about him that just drew Dean in. Although if anyone were to question him on it Dean would deny it to the fullest extent.

He entered the bar and saw the usual crowd at the pool table and sitting around at the various tables. He felt the anticipation growing as he began walking towards the bar and allowed his eyes to adjust to the dim lights of the building.

And there he was.

Same spot as always. Same type of beer in front of him. Quietly watching the TV with obvious intent.

Forcing himself to calm down and stay focused Dean sat down on one of the bar stools only a couple spots away from where the man was sitting. This way the man would have no choice but to walk past Dean should he try to leave again. Andy strolled over to where Dean was and smiled pleasantly.

"Evening, Dean. The usual?"

"Yup. Thanks, Andy."

Andy set the bottle in front of him and then moved back down the bar in order to wait on some of the other patrons. Dean noticed out of the corner of his eye the man look at him, but then quickly turn back to look at the TV. Dean took a sip of his beer and carefully formulated his plan. It was pretty weak, but it was the best he could come up with.

"Hey, buddy," Dean called out to the man. "What's the score?"

The man turned around to look at him and Dean could see he was clearly taken aback that he was talking to him.

"Score?" The man echoed confused.

Dean gestured at the TV with his beer.

"Yeah, the score. It's Packers versus the Colts tonight, right?"

It was clearly obvious to Dean that the man had no idea what was going on with what was on the TV. The man glanced back at the screen before looking back at Dean.

"Yes… the Colts just scored some points."

Dean nodded thoughtfully as he studied the screen. "Alright. They your team?"

The man appeared even more perplexed. "My team?"

Dean arched an eyebrow at him and couldn't help but smirk. "Dude, have you ever even watched football before?"

The man glanced back at the TV and finally shook his head.

"Not since this last week."

Dean's smile broadened and he was secretly amazed at the man's honesty. He finally chuckled. "Yeah, well, same here. Never got in to it all that much. Just watched it on Thanksgiving and the Super Bowl."

He leaned across the stools and extended his hand. "Name's Dean."

He saw the man hesitate for a moment as he looked at Dean's hand. Finally, to Dean's surprise, the man took Dean's hand in both of his own and squeezed it gently.

"It's nice to meet you, Dean. You may call me Cas."

Dean felt a shiver go through him as he met Cas's intense gaze. There was something about the way Cas looked at him that was almost hypnotizing. Dean knew he should feel uncomfortable with the intimate contact, but he wasn't. It almost felt welcomed and he felt a sense of loss when Cas finally withdrew his hands.

"So, um, Cas," Dean said as he cleared his throat in an attempt to refocus himself. "Where are you from?"

"From out of town," Cas replied, his gaze never wavering from Dean's.

Dean smirked. "Yeah, I kind of figured that. So where exactly?"

He could definitely see the hesitancy in Cas's face at that question. He averted his eyes for a moment before looking back at Dean.

"I would rather not discuss it, if that is alright with you."

There was something in the way Cas said it that left little room for argument. Dean nodded slowly.

"Hey, no problem."

An awkward silence fell between them and they both looked back at the TV. That sat quietly for several minutes while Dean struggled to come up with something else to ask him. He didn't understand what his problem was. He never had trouble coming up with conversation before. That was part of his freaking _job_. He could talk his way out of anything! And yet, this strange good-looking man was able to render him tongue-tied and struggling to make conversation.

He was ready to say something else when a disturbance at the other side of the bar caught his attention. Three men had entered the bar. Big guys wearing worn jeans, flannel shirts, and work boots. They strode across the bar, their swagger confident and it was apparent they didn't care much for the other patrons in the bar. Dean instantly could sense they would be trouble.

He shot Cas a quick glance and to his surprise he saw the man sitting straight up in his seat and watching the three men closely. In fact, Cas looked down right sinister as he followed the men across the room with his eyes.

_What the hell is going on?_ Dean wondered to himself.

When they got close to the bar the apparent leader of the group quickly surveyed the open seats.

And then his gaze fell on Dean.

Dean felt his uneasiness grow as the leader's face narrowed and he glared menacingly at him. He walked over and stopped just a few steps from where Dean was sitting.

"Well well. Look who we have here, boys. The great Dean Winchester."

_Fuck._

Dean arched an eyebrow at the man and took a sip of his beer. "Maybe. Who's asking?"

The man reached over and snatched the beer out of Dean's hand and slammed it on the bar furiously. Dean continued to look calmly at him, but inwardly was trying to figure out the best way to take down the guy and his cronies so he could make a quick getaway.

"You worthless piece of scum," the leader snarled and leaned forward. "I bet you don't even remember me, do you?"

Dean studied the man carefully before calmly shaking his head. "Not ringing any bells. What, did I bang your girl or something?"

Instead of getting more pissed off the man smirked and slid onto one of the bar stools next to Dean while his cronies stood nearby.

"_I_ am Jasper," the man growled under his breath. "Because of you I got fucking sent to Hell. So you wanna know what I am now?"

The man blinked and his eyes turned black. Dean forced himself to stay calm despite the demon's nearness and he struggled to remember who the guy was.

"And _you_. You got sent to Hell, but you get to come back in your old meatsuit like nothing ever happened. Why is that, Dean? You're not special any more. You did your _job_. You sent my master back into his cage. So why the fuck did they bother to drag you out?"

"Apparently you know more than me," Dean replied coolly. "Maybe you should fill me in."

Jasper grabbed Dean's wrist and growled. "I'll fucking rip you limb from limb, you piece of shit, for what you've done!"

"Take your hands off of him _now_, Jasper."

Jasper looked up and released Dean's wrist. When Dean turned he was stunned to see Cas standing behind him, his face filled with rage.

Jasper's look of surprise turned into a disgusted sneer.

"Well, look who we have here. The Traitor. Sentenced his own brother to be condemned," Jasper spat out. "Should have known you'd be here to protect your little whore."

Cas took a step closer. Dean could feel the anger radiating off of his small frame.

"Get out of here, Jasper. _Now_."

"Or what?"

"You know quite well what I'm capable of."

Jasper's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't risk it here, Castiel. Too many of your precious humans would get hurt. And you'd expose what you really are to them."

Cas moved in closer and brought his face mere inches from Jasper's.

_**"Do not test me, demon."**_

Those words wiped the smug look off of Jasper's face. The demon stood up quickly, his entire body shaking with rage. He pointed to Dean.

"This isn't over, human," Jasper growled. "You will pay for what you did to my master!"

He turned and stormed furiously out of the bar followed by his two henchmen. Dean couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as he looked over at Cas who was still standing next to him.

"Thanks," Dean said.

Cas looked down and Dean could see the look of rage had faded and was replaced with a look of sadness.

"I must go," Cas said quietly as he made a move to leave.

Dean grabbed him by the arm quickly to stop him.

"Whoa whoa! Hold on there! You're not going to leave like that after what just happened! Just who the hell are you and who the hell was that demon and why does he know me? And who the hell is his master? I want some answers!"

Cas looked away and shook his head slowly.

"Now is not the time, Dean."

"Well now is going to be the perfect time because I now have a demon and his two buddies who want me dead."

"I won't let them hurt you."

As soon as the words left his lips Dean could see Cas cringe, as if he had said too much. Dean shook his head.

"Who are you?"

Cas looked into Dean's eyes and Dean could see the sadness in them.

"I promise to tell you someday, Dean. Please, just not today."

Cas pulled his arm free and made his way through the crowd and out the door. Dean watched him go in stunned silence.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When Dean called Bobby and relayed the most recent events that took place at the bar there was no hesitation on the older hunter's part. He told Dean in no uncertain terms that he needed to get Bobby's place _now_ or Bobby would come over there and drag Dean back himself. Dean knew Bobby well enough not to argue despite the worry in the back of his mind that he may miss the chance to ever see the man, Castiel, ever again.

Castiel. It was a strange name and Dean could not place it with any demon he had ever heard of. Although, Castiel didn't act like any demon Dean had ever met before either. In fact, in all his years of hunting Dean had never met any creature quite like Castiel. While he seemed to understand things like demons, there was something… unearthly about the way Castiel looked at the things around him, as if they were strange and fascinating to him. Whatever it was, Dean had made up his mind to figure out what it was.

When Dean arrived at Bobby's he wasn't surprised to see the lights on despite the late hour. It also didn't surprise him to see Sam's car parked out front. Dean knew Bobby would have called Sam as soon as Dean had got off the phone with him and that Sam would have dropped everything to get there. That's just how Sam was.

When Dean got inside he saw a look of relief on both Bobby's and Sam's faces.

"It's about time!" Bobby said exasperated.

"Hey, I drove as fast as I could!" Dean grumbled as he sat down.

Dean knew Sam couldn't have been there very long, but his brother already had his laptop booted up and a pile of books scattered around him. Sam was frowning with concentration as he studied the content on the screen.

"Find anything yet?" Dean asked as he looked from Bobby to Sam.

"Nothing on this demon Jasper," Sam said. "He's not a high-ranking demon anyway. And you said you have no idea who he is?"

Dean shook his head. "No clue. Acted like he knew me though. Said it was because of me he got sent to Hell and I put away his master."

"Azazel?" Sam ventured.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe. But this guy said I locked his master up in a cage or something. I killed Azazel."

"Do you remember anyone like him…?" Sam hesitated a moment. "I mean… from Hell?"

Dean inwardly flinched. He quickly averted his gaze and shook his head.

"Nope. I don't even remember anything from Hell," he replied casually. He hoped Sam would accept his answer as his time in Hell wasn't exactly something he really wanted to discuss right then.

To his relief Sam just nodded.

"Well, I'll keep looking, but right now we're pretty much at a dead end with him."

"Alright. Then what about this Castiel? Anything on him?"

Dean instantly saw the look of uneasiness that crossed Sam's face. He also saw it on Bobby's face when he looked at him. Dean frowned.

"What? What is it?"

Sam took a deep breath and sighed. Bobby stared down at his feet, obviously not wanting to be the person to say it. Finally Sam spoke.

"You're not going to believe it."

Dean arched an eyebrow at him. "Why won't I believe it?"

"Because you don't believe in them."

"I don't believe in what?!"

Sam reluctantly clicked on some things on his laptop before turning it around to show Dean.

"It's the name of an angel," Sam said calmly.

Dean stared at him as if he had just sprouted another head. "What?"

"Castiel is the name of an angel. Apparently the angel of Thursday, travel, and changes."

"An angel?"

"That's what it says."

"There's no such thing."

Both Sam and Bobby let out exasperated sighs and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean, think about it! It's the only thing that makes sense! And he got that demon to back down without even having to do anything! Why else would a demon just walk away like that?"

"I know, but, Sam, seriously? An angel?"

The argument Dean made came almost instinctually. There were no such things as angels. There couldn't be. Not with everything Dean had seen, all the horrors in the world today. It was ridiculous.

"There has to be something else. Just because the guy has the name of an angel doesn't mean his is one!"

"Dean, I've been looking ever since I got here and I've been doing some research since you got back. The way you came back and how you came back… Dean, the only answer to that is a miracle!"

"But come on, Sam, an angel?"

"Look, you don't have to believe it. I'm just telling you the facts about what I found."

Dean looked over at Bobby for some help, but found the hunter sitting quietly in an armchair, his face drawn with concentration.

"You know what, boys, it's late. How about we call it a night and start fresh in the morning? Sam, is Amanda OK with you crashing here tonight?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I told her I'd be here."

Bobby nodded and rose to his feet. "Good. Now you boys go get some sleep. I need to put some stuff away in the garage before I turn in."

* * *

The night air was cool on Bobby's face. The smell of fall wafted through the breeze and mixed with the smell of grease and dirt. It was a quiet night.

Bobby checked to make sure he was far enough away from the house and that Sam or Dean hadn't tried following him. He then looked up to the sky.

"Castiel!" Bobby yelled furiously. "Get your angelic hind end down here! You have some explaining to do!"

The night was still quiet, but Bobby knew it wouldn't last long. Then he felt a breeze across his cheek, different than the one he felt earlier. He turned around and saw Castiel standing quietly behind him.

"You called for me?" Castiel asked solemnly.

"You're damn right I called for you!" Bobby growled. "You mind explaining to me what the hell you're doing hanging around bars Dean shows up at? And _then_ you mind explaining how the hell Jasper escaped from the Pit and why he's now after Dean!?"

"There are ways for demons to make their way out of Hell," Castiel replied calmly despite Bobby's obvious anger. "Jasper must have found a way to escape."

Bobby took a step closer, his anger unabated. "You didn't answer my first question, Castiel. Why the hell are you hanging around Dean? When God told me he was putting everything back in order He said that you wouldn't need to keep tabs on Dean any more. So why are you? Because I don't care if you're an angel or not! I'm not going to sit around and let you screw with that boy's head any more than you already have! He's been through enough and it's a blessing he doesn't have to remember any of that crap that went on before."

Castiel dropped his gaze at Bobby's harsh words. He swallowed nervously before speaking.

"I'm not here to hurt Dean," He said quietly. "I only meant to make sure he was safe. And… and when I went to the bar that first night it was only to confirm that everything was truly over between us. I swear that was my intent, Bobby. But… he took notice of me… and as much as I knew I should stay away… I couldn't…"

"Castiel, that boy is a hunter! I swear he can attract any supernatural creation in a hundred mile radius and he darn well knows it when ones in front of him!"

"I know… I should have stayed away…"

Bobby shook his head, his expression softening. "You know this can't end well, Castiel. For either of you. Just because of what you both are… one of you is gonna get hurt."

"I'm sorry. I didn't believe anything would come of it."

"Well, can't fix it now. Dean knows something is up. And Sam figured out you're an angel, but Dean doesn't believe it of course. Besides, with this Jasper running around loose Dean is gonna need all the help he can get. I'm sure Jasper's pretty bitter about what happened to Lucifer."

Castiel nodded. "He blames both Dean and I. He has grown powerful in such a short amount of time. He's no doubt fueled by his rage. He wanted revenge on us both."

"Then you need to stick close to Dean and keep an eye on him. That boy has been taking off without a moment's notice and I can't watch him all the time."

"I will protect him," Castiel said firmly. "And once Jasper has been dealt with… I will go. It… it will be better for Dean."

Bobby looked at the angel carefully before nodding in agreement.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I… I don't like it any more than you do. It's just the way it is."

Castiel simply nodded. And as soon as Bobby blinked there was another cool breeze and then he was alone in the salvage yard.

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I'm slooooowly figuring out where the story is gonna go. I have some ideas, so we'll see what happens! : )

Feedback and ideas are always welcomed and enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Their lips pressed against each other, tongues slipping through and tasting the other's sweetness. Hands traveled over hot, sweaty flesh, stroking, exciting every nerve fiber that lay beneath. Their breath came out in ragged pants as their arousal grew. _

_Dean needed his lover. He needed every inch of him. He clung to him desperately, his body aching with needs that had gone unmet for too long. His arousal grew hard between his legs, weeping clear pearls of precum._

_His lover knew how to touch him. Knew what he needed. His lover took the swollen member into his mouth and began to suck wantonly on it while grasping Dean's hips tightly with both hands and pushing him down on the bed. Dean moaned and cried out as the pleasurable sensations throbbed through his body._

_"Yes… yes… oh god yes… please don't stop… oh god…"_

_Dean writhed on the bed under the expert ministrations of his lover. The hunter tangled his hand in the man's hair, urging him on. He didn't want to stop. Here he felt whole. He felt complete. He knew he was with the one who would love him always and in the way he needed. Here he was safe. Here he was loved._

_His lover slowly slipped over the top of Dean's shaft._

"_Tell me what you need, Dean."_

_Dean moaned at the loss of contact._

_"Please don't stop!"_

_"Tell me what you need."_

_Dean struggled to find the words to express everything he needed through his lust-filled mind. There was so much…_

_"You! I need you! God, I love you so much! Please don't stop! Please don't ever leave! I love you! I need you with me! I don't want to be alone!"_

_His lover smiled and quickly enveloped Dean's entire shaft with his warm, wet mouth. The orgasm that followed was intense, causing Dean to cry out with unbridled pleasure. He gripped the sheets beneath him with both hands as came in his lover's mouth who drank down his pleasure greedily. Dean trembled and sobbed at the overwhelming sensations he was feeling. Their intensity was only heightened by the suffering he had felt in Hell. A place where nothing had felt good. A place where he had been alone. Afraid._

_But he was here now. Safe in the arms of the one who loved him. It was the only place he ever wanted to be. Dean slowly opened his eyes to look at the face of his lover._

_A pair of blue piercing eyes looked back at him._

* * *

Dean bolted upright in the bed with a gasp. Sweat trickled down his brow and he could distinctly feel a stickiness in his underwear that gave evidence to the dream he had just had. The early morning sun cheerfully streamed in through the window, oblivious to the hunter's embarrassment. Face flushed, Dean got out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom to take a shower.

As he stood under the pounding hot water Dean couldn't help but reflect on his dream. It was crazy. Completely crazy. But there had to be an explanation for it. A million logical, psycho-babble-based explanations. Like that it was because Castiel had been on his mind so much the last couple nights and he had been thinking about him before he went to sleep. And he only had sex once since he had gotten back. So he was horny and dreamt about having sex with the guy he had been thinking about before he fell asleep. Perfectly logical. It happens. It didn't mean Dean _actually_ wanted to have sex with him!

Dean's heart pounded in his chest and he could feel the tendrils of desire coiling in his belly. His eyes drifted closed and could feel the water running down his burning skin. He grew warmer as he thought about Castiel's deep blue eyes, how soft his hair would feel under Dean's fingers, how sweet his lips would taste when kissed…

_Ah shit._

Dean groaned as he rested his head against the white tiles of the shower. Great. Just great! He had officially gone off the deep end! He now wanted to have sex with a _guy. A guy!_ And not even a human guy! A supposively _angel _guy!

He was going crazy. That was it. He had to be. There was no other reason for it.

Well, besides the fact that he was lonely as hell. And felt completely isolated from everyone, including Sam and Bobby. And that even when he had hooked up with Brandy that night, he still felt completely detached from it all. He had gone through the act, but there was no meaning behind it.

Dean shut off the water and reached out to grab his towel off the towel rack. He had to stop thinking about it. That's all there was to it. He had to think about something else, _anything_ else, because he knew deep down that what he wanted was completely unreasonable. If Castiel really was an angel then there was no way that they could ever have that kind of relationship. It was impossible.

The knowledge of this fact broke Dean inside. It was incredibly painful to know you are alone and that there was no one else out there that could possibly understand how it feels. To know that you're isolated because of what you have seen and experienced. And Dean knew no one could understand just how damaged on the inside he really was.

He threw on some clothes and headed out the bedroom door, desperate to find some activity to keep his mind occupied.

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Sorry this is a little short! I figured a little smut would hold you guys over until I figure out my next chapter! : )


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING!!!!** Very disturbing, gruesome violence in this chapter! Please bear in mind, I am a nurse. I have no problem getting graphic! If you are squeamish then just be prepared!

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Chapter 6

Dean rolled out from under the Impala which was raised up the air for him to work on. He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand leaving a streak of grease across his forehead. His sweaty dark shirt clung to his chest, revealing his muscled abdomen. It was unseasonably hot for this time of year and Dean was definitely feeling it. He got up and walked over to where his bottle of water was waiting for him and quickly chugged it down.

He had basically been under a sort of "house arrest" since the night he arrived at Bobby's. The older hunter had made it perfectly clear that Dean wasn't going anywhere on his own until this Jasper deal was taken care of. Which meant Dean was forced to hangout in Bobby's garage and work on the Impala all day, every day. Not that Dean minded. It was great to take the time to really spruce up his baby like she needed. But it didn't take the restless hunter long to get the itch to get out there and start looking for answers, especially since Bobby seemed so intent on babying him and sheltering him from everything.

He had to get out of here.

* * *

Dean made sure Bobby was asleep before he snuck out the window and climbed down the side of the house. He couldn't help feeling like a 16 year old kid who was sneaking out to go a party his parents had forbidden him to attend, but, in a way, it was almost the same thing. He had left a note for Bobby telling him where he was going and that he'd be back after he checked out a few things. He wasn't stupid enough to not tell anyone where he'd be, just in case something happened. Besides, if everything went alright, he could be back before Bobby even knew he was gone.

It didn't take him long to drive out to the bar. Dean couldn't suppress the smile that formed on his lips, or the excitement he felt inside of him. He was filled with hope that Castiel might be there again, that he hadn't missed his chance. He had no idea what he was going to say to him. He almost didn't even care. He just felt a deep overwhelming desire to see him again and that was what fueled him to go to the bar. He felt that whatever answers he was looking for could be found by seeing Castiel and that the questions would just come to him.

It was a beautiful night. The sky was speckled with twinkling stars and a gently breeze rustled the coloring leaves on the trees near the bar. Dean could hear the running water of a river that was out behind the bar, nestled in amongst the trees. The parking lot held the familiar cars of the regular patrons. He knew Castiel didn't have a car, so there was no luck there for a sign of his presence. But he still clung to the hope that he was there, that maybe he would finally get some answers.

It was this distraction that made Dean not as focused as usual. His senses were dulled by the questions racing through his head. He didn't notice the three darkened figures slowly pop up from the cars behind him. He didn't hear them creep up behind him. He wasn't aware of their presence until he felt himself be grabbed from behind and his arms were effectively locked into place. At the same time, another set of hands wrapped a gag around his mouth, stifling any cry for help he might have made.

Dean struggled desperately to try and free himself and was able to leverage himself against one of his assailants and kick over another one that came out at him from in front. He was rewarded for his efforts, however, with a hard punch to his face and another punch to his ribs, causing Dean to double over with pain. He knew from past experience that the powerful blows weren't from ordinary people. He had just been captured by demons and he was completely powerless to stop them.

He was dragged out to behind the bar and down to the river. They shoved him to the ground and two of the demons pinned him down flat and stretched out, one holding down his arms, the other his legs. He had to keep his head turned to the side so it wouldn't be pressed into the soft dirt. The third demon stood over him and sneered.

"Dean Winchester. My, you made this easy. You came all alone and you couldn't even put up a decent fight! I'm almost disappointed!"

Dean glared furiously at the demon, refusing to show his fear. The demon knelt down and began looking Dean over carefully.

"You know, it was a pity you left Hell, Dean. Do you remember how much _fun_ we had? Well, I know us demons had a marvelous time with you. Ripping your flesh off while you screamed. Tasting your blood." He shook his head as if he were remembering some pleasant memory. "Delicious."

Dean felt his heart start to pound harder in his chest. Try as he might, he couldn't suppress the vivid flashbacks of Hell, the torture he had experienced while there. He began trembling and sweat began dripping down his forehead. The demon's smile broadened at Dean's reaction.

"Ah, you remember," The demon said fondly as he leaned in closer. Dean could smell the sulfur on the demon's breath, making his stomach turn. "You know, I miss that, Dean. I miss taking bite of that tasty flesh of yours."

The demon cocked his head as he thought about something for a minute.

"Jasper did say that he wanted you alive. And I'm not one to go against an order…" Now the demon's smile turned frighteningly sinister. "But… I suppose the boss wouldn't get too upset if we took a little something for our troubles."

He stood up and walked over to where there was a car parked hidden in the trees. Panic began to set in as Dean was forced to wonder what they were going to do. He began struggling against his captors mindlessly despite being fully aware that it was pointless. The two demons held him down almost effortlessly and the pain from their early attack stabbed through his chest. He was completely helpless and he was furious at himself for letting his guard down and being so hopelessly unprepared. He knew Bobby was going to be absolutely furious with him when he found out what happened, not that he could blame him. Dean couldn't help but inwardly acknowledge how right the older hunter had been. It was stupid for him to go out alone, especially when a demon had it out for him.

He heard the car door slam shut and he saw the demon start walking back towards him. Then Dean's eyes fell on what the demon was carrying. It was a large gleaming machete and his trained eyes could see that is was very very sharp.

Now he went into a state of sheer blind panic. He desperately tried to fight his captors in a vain attempt to free himself. The demon chuckled heartily.

"I love it when my dinner is feisty," the demon said cheerfully. He leaned over Dean and began tapping his finger on his chin thoughtfully. "Now, what shall we take as our reward?"

The demon holding down Dean's arms held up one while keeping the other pinned. "How about his hand? He won't be needing it once Jasper gets a hold of him."

_Oh god… oh god… oh god oh god oh god…. No… No no no no no no no no… this isn't happening… oh god this isn't happening… they can't do this… they're not really going to do this… oh god they are… oh god someone help me!_

The first demon grabbed Dean's arm by the wrist and pinned it to the ground with a smile. Dean saw him raise the blade into the air and he quickly squeezed his eyes shut with terror…

He heard the blade swish through the air and then the roar of blood rushing to his head. He felt blade easily slice through his flesh. He felt the bone crack and give way to the sharp metal and the blade continued to pass through. His heart thundered erratically in his chest and it took him a moment to realize he was screaming hysterically through the gag in his mouth. He opened his eyes wide in shock and looked despite knowing what he would see. He saw the blood gushing from what remained of his arm and pooling on the ground beneath it. He could see his hand being held aloft by the demon. The metallic smell of blood reached Dean's nose and his vision began to darken. He began hyperventilating as he slipped into shock while the demons sat laughing around him…

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Holy crap. I can't believe I actually just wrote that. And, yes, I am a horribly cruel and evil person because I am leaving this as a cliffy here. We'll see if I'm feeling evil more evil if I decide to go watch more on my new Supernatural Season 4 before I write more! *evil grin*

I can only imagine the feedback I'm gonna get for this! I know what I'd be writing to myself if I was reading this!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The bar had become a source of comfort to Castiel since he first began going there. Even the nights Dean didn't show up the angel found himself enjoying being able to sit quietly and undisturbed while he watched the various humans interact. There were so many different humans who would show up; large men wearing leather jackets with tattoos covering their bodies, young women scantily clad, an average-looking individuals, someone who looked like they barely had a dime to their name. They all came together here and it was here in this bar that their differences didn't matter. They all talked and drank and enjoyed each other's company. For Castiel it was a comforting scene as he knew just how close they had come to no longer existing.

Andy was behind the counter as usual, serving up drinks with his usual pleasantries. Castiel had found he rather liked this Andy as the man always treated him kindly every time he came in. Castiel had found that himself attracting the attention of several individuals despite his efforts to remain unnoticed. It was when the females tried to win his attention that Castiel became the most uncomfortable and Andy seemed to notice this. The bartender was always quick to divert the girl's attention to something else and giving the angel an escape. Castiel was grateful for it.

Tonight was a quieter night than usual and Andy strolled over to where Castiel was sitting while taking a sip of his beer.

"How's it going, Cas?" Andy asked casually.

"I'm well, Andy, thank you," Castiel replied.

Andy nodded while surveying the crowd. "Slow night."

"Yes, there aren't as many people as usual."

"Yeah, summer's over. People are going back to the real world." He shot a glance at Castiel. "Where do you work, Cas?"

Castiel hesitated before replying, "I am a soldier."

"Oh yeah? No shit. What branch?"

Castiel recalled hearing someone say this before while he was at the bar and had thought it was appropriate. "I am in God's army, the Marines."

Andy chuckled. "Good shit, Cas, good shit. You go to Iraq or any of those places?"

"I've traveled all over the world."

"So what brought you all the way out here to Renner, South Dakota?"

Castiel hesitated and dropped his gaze for a moment. Andy took note of Castiel's reaction and nodded knowingly.

"Yup. I knew it."

Castiel looked up and him and cocked his head in confusion. "Knew what?"

"You're in love someone from around here, aren't you? I can see it on your face every time you walk in here."

Castiel felt his face flush and he averted his eyes. "You can tell that?"

Andy nodded. "Man, I've been doing this job for ten years now. I have seen every type of person walk through that door. I've seen how you sit all alone and how you react when the ladies are hitting on you. So spill it. Who is it?"

Castiel swallowed nervously and fidgeted with his beer bottle, not meeting Andy's gaze. "It… it's complicated…"

Andy sighed. "Really? Like I've never heard a complicated story before. Seriously, Cas, my job as a bartender is on the same level as like a shrink or a priest. People tell us _everything_. There ain't nothing you can tell me I haven't heard."

Castiel highly doubted that, but wasn't about to say anything. Andy leaned on the counter and fixed his gaze on Castiel.

"Is it a woman or a man?"

Castiel looked up at him in shock. "What?"

"You heard me. Man or a woman? If it's complicated that's one of the first things that can make it complicated!"

Castiel stared at his beer nervously. He had always kept his relationship with Dean as private as possible and had never really discussed with anyone other than Dean before. But there was something in Andy's demeanor that left little doubt in Castiel's mind that the man had heard many stories about love in various forms.

"It… it's a man," Castiel replied softly.

Andy nodded. "Does he know?"

Castiel shook his head. "No… no, and it would not be appropriate for me to tell him."

Andy frowned. "Why not?"

"Because…" Castiel took a deep breath. "Because… he could have a much happier life with someone else."

Andy arched an eyebrow at him. "And why the hell is that? Just because he's a guy?"

Castiel smiled sadly. "Because we are very different. We have very different lives."

"So what? If you love someone you make it work. Besides, being different can actually be good for a relationship."

"We lead very dangerous lives. We could die at any time."

"So he's a soldier too?"

Castiel smiled ruefully. "Yes, he is. One of the bravest and most selfless there is."

Andy smiled at Castiel's expression. "Now, see? I can see just by the look on your face you love him. It's crazy for you not to at least tell him if you love him so much. What, you think he'd be pissed at you for it?"

Castiel felt a pang of sadness as he remembered Dean's reactions in the past when he learned about all the times he had lied to him. "I… I've kept many secrets from him… I don't know if he could forgive me."

"Well, you never know unless you try. I think you should go for, Cas. You never know, he may surprise you."

At that moment another patron came up to the bar. Andy gave Castiel a grin before going over to them and taking their order. Castiel thought about what Andy had said and he couldn't help but feel a little bit better. He was comforting to hear someone tell him even after everything that there was still some hope for them, although technically Andy wasn't fully aware of the whole situation. Still, it had been nice to hear.

Suddenly, Castiel felt a cold chill go through him, making him bolt upright in his seat. Over the last few days he had been working hard on not focusing in on Dean and where he was. It was a struggle since Castiel had pulled Dean from Hell not once, but twice and there had been a strong connection that had formed from that. Up until now, Castiel had been able to at least ignore that connection.

But now… he couldn't. Something was wrong. Very very wrong. Dean was in serious danger and he wasn't far away at all.

Castiel quickly jumped off the chair and bolted his way through the barroom without stopping. He emerged into the night air and was quickly guided by his instincts to the back of the bar and down by the river.

The sight that greeted his eyes made his heart drop.

He saw Dean lying on the ground, curled up the fetal position. His right arm was clutched to his chest and he was completed saturated with blood. His face was ashen and he was sobbing hysterically. Castiel also saw three demons, one holding onto Dean and the other two chortling over something one of them was holding.

Dean's severed arm.

Sheer burning rage filled Castiel. Clouds came rolling across the night sky, blocking out the stars. The wind picked up sending the dirt and fallen leaves flying through the air. Thunder rumbled and lightening flashed. The ground began to tremble under their feet. The outdoor lights on the bar explode like fireworks, the sparks flying through the air. All three demons looked up in shock.

Castiel was furious. His powers rolled around inside of him and continued to build. Bolts of blue electricity crackled at his fingertips. He spread out his wings and flew into the air and hovered over the cowering demons. They fell to the ground, too terrified to run.

_**"How dare you touch him!? You shall pay for what you have done! I shall strike you down with the mightiest of holy fires and you shall burn!"**_

He then let out a roar in his true voice. The demons began to scream in agony and desperately tried to cover their ears. Castiel grabbed the first one he came to and slammed his hand against the demon's forehead. A bright light was emitted from the demon's mouth and eyes before the dead body fell to the ground. He made quick work of the second demon, rendering him the same fate as the first. The third demon made a desperate attempt to run, but Castiel quickly caught him and hoisted him into the air. He held the demon by the throat and looked into his eyes.

_**"Hear my words, demon! Anyone who dares to harm Dean Winchester or any of his friends or family will suffer the same fate as your pathetic friends! I have had enough of these games you demons play. Tell your master, Jasper, I will find him and I will put an end to this! And so you that will remember you will look upon me in my true visage!"**_

Castiel touched the demon's forehead and the demon began screaming in agony as flames burst out of his eye sockets. Suddenly black smoke spewed out of the body's mouth and into the night sky.

Castiel landed back on the ground and dropped the dead body. Folding his wings away he quickly ran over to Dean's side while the weather quickly calmed around them. Castiel found Dean trembling uncontrollably while feebly trying to stop the blood that was pouring out of the severed stump. His face was ghost white and his skin was cold and clammy when Castiel touched him.

"M-my hand…" Dean stammered between chattering teeth. "They cut… they cut off my hand… they cut it off…"

"I'm here, Dean," Castiel murmured soothingly. "All is well, I am here."

"C-Castiel… my hand… oh god… my hand…"

"I will take care of it, Dean. Do not be afraid."

He saw Dean's eyes flutter for a moment before rolling back up into his head and he passed out. Castiel knew he needed to hurry, that there wasn't much time. He quickly grabbed Dean's severed hand and placed it next to the bloodied stump. He then leaned forward and gently cupped Dean's face with both hands. He brought his lips close enough to where they barely touched Dean's and began blowing gently into his mouth. A light spilled out of Castiel's lips and into Dean's mouth.

Slowly, the severed limb began to fuse back together. Blood vessels reconnected first, then the bone, tendons, ligaments, muscle, and finally the flesh followed. Once Castiel saw it was fully healed he pulled away.

Dean still needed more healing, but there wasn't time. Castiel knew that it was only a matter of time before a bar patron stumbled across the scene or, worse, more demons showed up. He had to get Dean back to Bobby's and he had to do it quickly. He carefully picked Dean up and carried him to the Impala. He loaded him into the front passenger seat and then went around and got in the driver's seat. Soon they were speeding out of the parking lot and into the night.

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Like there was any question as to whether or not Castiel would save Dean! This is a love story, people! ; )


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dean groggily opened his eyes. It took him a few moments to realize that he was in the Impala on the passenger side. His head and face throbbed and he felt a sharp pain in his ribs as he tried to shift his position in the seat. He looked down at his jacket and shirt and saw it was completed covered with drying blood. His stomach drop with horror as he suddenly remembered what had happened. Almost too terrified to look, Dean lifted up his right arm…

And saw his hand completed attached to the rest of his arm. No bleeding. No cuts. Not even a scar.

"I healed your hand, Dean. It's fine. It wasn't safe to stay at the bar, though, so I couldn't heal you entirely."

Dean looked over and saw Castiel sitting in the driver's seat, looking ahead at the road.

"Cas?" Dean asked in confusion. "What…"

"You should rest, Dean. You're not fully healed."

Dean looked back down at his hand in shock. A cold sweat broke out across his forehead and his breathing began to come out in short, quick, gasps. He squeezed his eyes shut as a jumble of memories came at him. Flashes of torture from Hell… memories of watching his flesh get sliced from his body… the smell of the blood… his screams echoing into nothingness… and then the demon tonight holding his hand aloft in the air like a trophy…

"Pull over," Dean whispered.

Castiel looked at him in confusion. "Dean, I must get you somewhere safe-"

"Pull over!" Dean moaned before covering his mouth and beginning to heave. Castiel barely made it to the side of the road and Dean just got the door open before he vomited his stomach contents onto the ground. He gripped the seat and the door frame tightly for support as he gasped for air, trying to slow down his racing thoughts. He then felt a hand on his shoulder. As soon as he felt the gentle touch it felt as though everything slowed down and the horrific memories subsided.

"You're safe, Dean. I am here with you. I won't let anyone harm you."

Spitting out as much of the disgusting bile-taste in his mouth as he could, Dean managed to settle himself back in his seat and close the door. Castiel pulled back on the road and they continued on.

Dean looked at Castiel silently for a moment. He couldn't deny any longer the truth about who or what Castiel was. It didn't matter what he believed. He couldn't think of a single creature out there that could heal him the way he had been healed. And he vaguely remembered seeing something… Castiel _flying_…

"You're really an angel," Dean croaked out weakly.

He thought he saw Castiel's expression change for a second, but then the emotionless mask was replaced.

"Yes."

"Why did you save me?"

"Because…" Castiel hesitated a moment before continuing. "Because that is my job."

"Like, what? A guardian angel or something?"

Castiel was quiet for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Something like that."

Dean didn't know quite how to feel about this. A small part of him felt some relief. Relief that he was finally dealing with a being that wasn't out to kill him. But then he thought about the emotions he had been experiencing regarding the angel for the last few days and his heart sank.

_Great. I've been wanting to have sex with a fucking angel. Looks like I'll be getting a ticket straight back to Hell after this is all over._

A guitar rift cut through the silence in the car. Dean looked down at his pocket and started to reach for his phone. Castiel quickly pushed his hand aside and pulled the phone out of his pocket. Dean watched in shock as Castiel flipped open the phone.

"He's with me. I'm bringing him back. We will be there shortly."

With that Castiel flipped the phone shut and put in back in Dean's pocket while the hunter stared at Castiel in astonishment.

"Uh… who was that?"

"Bobby."

"Do you know him?"

"Yes."

"Does he know you?"

"Yes."

Now Dean was beginning to feel really confused. "Wait… what? Bobby knows you?"

Castiel sighed. "It's… complicated. I will explain everything later."

"But Bobby said he had no clue who you were."

"He was told to keep me a secret."

"By who?"

"Dean, I will explain later."

"Well, people I trust have been lying to me and I think I deserve to know why!"

Castiel looked over at Dean. In the glow of the headlights Dean could see the no-nonsense look on the angel's face.

"Dean, I will not have this discussion with you here. Either you rest quietly until we arrive at Bobby's or I will be forced to make you rest."

Castiel's tone told Dean clearly that he was completely serious and that maybe being quiet was the best option for now.

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Yeah, I know this is short. I'm beat, though, and I'd rather give you guys a short decent chapter than a long crappy one because I'm too tired. I should be able to write more tomorrow!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Castiel helped Dean out of the car and walked him towards the house and up the steps. The front door swung open and a _very_ pissed off-looking Bobby glared at them.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Dean Winchester!?" Bobby hollered furiously. He only seemed even more upset when he finally took in Dean's appearance. "Son of a bitch! Are you hurt?"

Before Dean could say anything Castiel quickly interjected.

"I have healed his arm already. I brought him here to finish the healing."

Castiel led Dean past Bobby and into the living room where he sat Dean down on the couch before turning around to face Bobby. In all the years he had known Bobby, Dean couldn't recall ever seeing him as angry as he was now.

"I want answers, and I want them now, Castiel! What the hell happened out there tonight?!"

Castiel stared at Bobby, his face set determinedly. "Dean was attacked by three demons when he arrived at the bar. By the time I had made it outside they had beaten him and cut off his arm. I killed two of them and sent the third back to Jasper with a warning about what would happen if he continued with these attacks. I then healed Dean's arm and then brought him here for safety."

Bobby glared at Castiel furiously. "You son of a bitch!" He yelled.

Dean's eyes widened in shock. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his side stopped him. "Bobby!"

Bobby moved up and got right in Castiel's face. The angel didn't move or even react to the hunter's actions.

"I told you! I said I didn't want to deal with this bullshit anymore! I didn't want you around because of everything that happened the first time! That boy has suffered more than any other human being on this planet should ever have to!

"He's had everything against him and then when he finally gets the chance to have a decent life… a life without demons or angels on his damn tail every second… he gives it up! So he not only went to Hell once because he had to be all self-sacrificing, but he went _twice_! _Twice!_ I had to bury that boy twice, Castiel! A boy that's been like a son to me! I had to stand by and do nothing while I knew how he was suffering down in the Pit!

"And you know what got me the most about all of it, Castiel? He did it all for _you_! He went and let himself get torn apart _again_ all because of you!"

"I wasn't there to stop it, Bobby," Castiel replied calmly, though his voice was heavy with emotion. "I would never have let him make that choice if I had been there!"

Dean looked back and forth from Bobby to Castiel and back in shock. "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

Neither one took notice of him.

"I didn't want you around him because I knew something would happen to him! That wherever you angels pop up there's going to be demons too! At least if you weren't around then Dean could focus on getting his life back together!"

"I stayed away from him. He sought me out."

"Bullshit! You knew he'd be there that first night at the bar!"

Castiel averted his eyes momentarily before looking back at Bobby.

"After our last conversation I have stayed away. Tonight he came out looking for me."

Bobby nodded furiously and pointed his finger at Castiel. "And _that_ is the problem, Castiel! He ran out looking for you and nearly got himself killed!"

Dean felt his anger rising. "Excuse me! I'm sitting right here!"

They still ignored him.

"It won't happen again!" Castiel replied, his voice harsh.

"Of course it will! Now the demons are after him and that Jasper knows exactly what buttons to push to get to both of you!"

Bobby shook his head furiously. "I won't do it, Castiel! This needs to end _now_! I've had to bury that boy twice now! I won't do it a third time!"

Bobby and Castiel stared hard at each other. Dean finally managed to rise to his feet.

"Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on around here! What the hell are you two talking about!?"

Finally, they turned and looked at him for the first time since they had arrived. Castiel took a deep breath.

"Dean… it is rather complicated…"

"Don't be telling him anything, Castiel! Damn it, he's been through enough! Quite frankly, it's a blessing he doesn't have those memories!"

Castiel dropped his gaze and a look of sadness crossed his face.

"I know, Bobby. But he has a right to know, and it should be from one of us and not some demon. Besides…" He looked up and looked into Dean's eyes. "I don't want there to be any more lies. Not like last time."

Dean felt a chill go through him at the tone in Castiel's voice. He could tell he was about to learn something very serious. He slowly sat back down on the couch.

Castiel swallowed hard. "Dean, you are experiencing something of a second reality. During the first one you were taken to Hell, but Sam did not kill Lillith or Ruby. You were tortured while in Hell and… and you took on the role of torturer as well."

Dean felt his stomach drop. He looked at Bobby in horror and could see by the solemn look on Bobby's face what he was hearing was true. Dean shook his head desperately.

"No… no way… I would never do that!"

Castiel nodded. "You did. And with that a thing called a seal was broken. Seals are like locks on a door. When they break eventually the door opens. There were sixty-six seals and they were locking in Lucifer."

"Wait… so I broke a seal to that would help free Lucifer?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. And the seals did break. Sam broke the last one by eventually killing Lillith. And Lucifer did rise and the Apocalypse did begin."

Dean's heart thundered against his ribcage and his head throbbed as he tried to absorb this information. "But… it stopped?"

Castiel nodded again. "It was ended and the world was restored to what it was before the seals broke."

Dean swallowed hard, trying to wrap his mind around all of it. "So… the Apocalypse actually happened… and we stopped it?"

"With some assistance, yes."

"Who's assistance?"

"God's."

Dean stared at Castiel as if he had just sprouted another head. "God?"

Bobby nodded. "God."

Now Dean's entire head throbbed painfully, forcing him to close his eyes and rub his temples. Castiel went to his side and touched his arm.

"Go upstairs and get cleaned up, Dean."

For a second Dean felt his stomach drop. He didn't want to leave now. After everything that had happened tonight the only thing that gave him any comfort was that Castiel had been there and still was there. And with the way things were going he was terrified Bobby was going to kick him out for good.

"No, I'm fine."

Castiel's grip tightened. "No, you're not. Go upstairs. I will be up monetarily."

A wave of relief washed over Dean at those words. He nodded reluctantly and managed to get up. He looked over at Bobby who no longer looked angry, just tired.

"Bobby… I…"

Bobby sighed and shook his head. "It's OK, Dean. Go get some rest, son. We'll talk about it in the morning."

Dean nodded and made his way up the stairs. When Castiel was sure he was no longer within earshot he looked over at Bobby.

"We both want the same thing for him, Bobby."

Bobby nodded tiredly. "I know, Castiel, I know. I had just hoped things would be different for him this time… no more demons or any of that craziness…"

"I won't let the demons harm him again. I won't leave him again."

Bobby looked at Castiel carefully and nodded. "Yeah… I can see that… I just… I just don't want you breaking his heart again, Castiel."

Castiel dropped his gaze. His heart filled with guilt and he took a deep breath.

"I won't, Bobby. I've learned much from the mistakes I've made before. I don't want secrets between him and I any longer. I want for him to know who I really am without having any fears. I love him. I want to make things right."

Bobby rose to his feet and clapped Castiel on the back gently.

"I know, Castiel. I know. Just be careful. Remember, he still doesn't know everything that happened and he's still trying to figure you out. Don't be surprised if it takes him some time to get used to the idea of you two being together."

Castiel nodded and gave Bobby a small smile.

"I understand. Thank you, Bobby."

Taking a deep breath, Castiel turned and began making his way up the stairs.

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Yes, I am leaving it there for now! Next update will probably be Monday since I have to work this weekend! So, as always, looking forward to your feedback and any ideas/requests for stuff you'd like to see happen just let me know! : )


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was a slow, torturous trek up the stairs and down the hallway to his room. It wasn't like he had never had to deal with painful injuries before. In fact, he was quite accustomed to it. What made it more difficult were the questions swirling around in his head regarding what he had just learned.

Lucifer… angels… the Apocalypse… torture… a life he didn't even remember. It was all very confusing and while typically Dean was one who wanted to know everything, in this case he couldn't but think that maybe Bobby was right. He really didn't want to remember what had happened during this other life because from what he had just heard, it wasn't exactly pleasant.

He reached the bathroom and began removing his blood-soaked clothes. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and could immediately see why Bobby had gotten so upset. The right side of his face was bruised and swollen. The white of his right eye was completely red and bloodshot. He looked pretty damn awful. He made himself look away and climbed into the shower. He sighed with relief as the hot water hit him and began to rinse away the grime and the blood that coated him.

While water brought some comfort, Dean couldn't shake Castiel's words from his mind.

_"…__you took on the role of torturer… Lucifer did rise… the Apocalypse did begin…"_

His stomach clenched and Dean swallowed down the bile he could feel rising in his throat. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe he would do such a thing. That he would inflict on other souls the same brutalities he had suffered.

But, deep down, a part of him knew it was true. He hadn't tortured anyone while in Hell during the time he could remember, but he had wanted to. He knew, especially towards the end, if someone had given him the chance for the torture to stop and to do it to others, he would have. He had felt so broken, so tried, so frightened, that any relief would have been embraced with open arms.

And it broke Dean's heart to acknowledge that.

Hot tears mingled with the water that ran down Dean's bruised face, guilt threatening to overwhelm him. He braced himself against the wall and the sobs shook his body. It was a few minutes before he was able to get himself under control. He quickly ran his hand over his face and shut off the water.

There was only one question now in Dean's mind that he couldn't figure out the answer to. If he had done these horrible things that brought about the Apocalypse, and even if he had helped to stop it, why was he dragged out of Hell again? There was no way that Heaven would really want anything to do with him. Not after he had already proven what kind of person he really was.

Once Dean was back in his room he pulled on a pair of clean underwear and then put on one of his t-shirts. He had just sat down on the bed when there was a soft knock at the door. When he looked up he saw the door open slightly and Castiel hesitantly look in.

"May I come in?"

Dean quickly looked away and nodded. His guilt only deepened at seeing the angel. He listened as Castiel came in and quietly close the door behind him.

"Are you alright, Dean?"

Dean let out a bitter laugh.

"Yeah. Fine. Just got my ass kicked by some demons that also cut of my hand. Then find out the dude I've been talking to at the bar is an angel and he magically heals my hand. And then to just add the icing to the cake I find out that I've gone to Hell, not once, but _twice_ and the first time around I helped torture souls and help jumpstart the Apocalypse. So, yeah, feeling just peachy."

Dean didn't look up as he spoke and Castiel didn't say a word. He felt the bed sink down beside him as Castiel sat down.

"Dean, I understand that you are upset-"

"I'm a little more than upset, Castiel."

Dean glanced over at Castiel for a moment before taking in a deep shaking breath.

"So… it was you that pulled me out of the Pit then?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes."

Dean swallowed hard, fighting back the pain and grief he could feel welling up inside of him.

"Why would you do something like that? After what I did? You should have left me down there."

He stared down at his trembling hands and clasped them together to try to make them stop shaking. He closed his eyes, wishing the angel would just go away and leave him to wallow in his misery.

"Why would you say something like that?"

The unexpected question caught Dean off guard. He looked up and saw Castiel's blue eyes filled with hurt.

"What?"

Castiel shook his head slowly. "I would never have let you stay in Hell, Dean. Not after what we have been through together."

Dean felt a chill go down his spine at Castiel's words, but he tried to ignore it. "And what have we been through?" He asked in a hoarse whisper.

"You showed me the truth. What I hadn't told you yet was that many of my brethren wanted Lucifer to rise and saw to it that it happened. I didn't know it at the time, but you were the one to open my eyes and show me the truth about what they were doing. You showed me why this world was worth saving. You showed me how to think for myself, something I had never done before."

Castiel took a deep breath and looked into Dean's eyes.

"I went against those angels and I fell because of it. I was cast out of Heaven and lost my powers. You were the one to save me, Dean. You took me in when you did not have to. And there was I time I fell into Lucifer's hands and he was going to corrupt me in order to have me help him destroy this world. You were the one who led Sam and Bobby in an attempt to rescue me without thoughts of saving yourself. "

With these words Castiel reached over and gently placed his hand on Dean's who was too stunned to pull away.

"I know who you really are, Dean. And I know you do not belong in Hell. I would never leave you there."

Silence fell. Dean didn't know what to say. He still felt guilt over what he had learned, but a small part of him took comfort in the angel's words. To his surprise, he watched Castiel give his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I would like you to rest now, Dean. May I heal you?"

Dean's initial reaction was to say no, that he didn't deserve it. He managed to hold back, however. He was exhausted and in pain and not really up to the task of trying to convince Castiel he didn't really need it.

"OK," Dean said with a tired sigh.

He positioned himself to where he was lying comfortably on the bed with his eyes closed. When he didn't feel Castiel move Dean opened his eyes and looked at the angel. Castiel was still sitting on the edge of the bed looking hesitant.

"Dean… you should know that the way I heal is somewhat… intimate… I do not want to make you uncomfortable."

Dean couldn't help the smirk on his face and chuckled at the angel's concern.

"I think I'll be fine, Cas. Just do whatever you need to."

Castiel nodded hesitantly and moved himself to Dean's side. Dean couldn't make himself look away as Castiel carefully leaned forward. His breath caught in his throat as Castiel's lips barely brushed his.

Then Dean felt a warmth course through his entire body that was unlike anything he had ever felt before. The pain that had plagued him all night melted away and was replaced with sensations of warmth and pleasure. He moaned and his eyes drifted closed as he succumbed to the pleasurable sensations flowing through him. All his worries were gone. All thoughts of grief and pain were gone. All he felt now was pleasure and safety. His body was quickly responding to what was happening. His member was hardening and precum was already oozing from its tip.

He felt Castiel start to lean back. Suddenly feeling desperate not to lose what he was experiencing Dean reached up and grabbed Castiel from the back of his head and pulled towards him, crashing their mouths together in a heated kiss. He felt Castiel gasp in shock and press his hand against Dean's chest. The contact only served to arouse Dean more. No longer capable of rational thoughts Dean grabbed Castiel's hand with his free one and pushed it down beneath his underwear and made it grasp his swollen cock. He cried out as he felt Castiel's touch and began to thrust widely into it. In seconds Dean screamed as his orgasm overtook him and he coated Castiel's hand with his cum.

Dean collapsed weakly against the bed, gasping for air. He opened his eyes weakly and saw Castiel's stunned expression staring back at him. Then the full realization of what had just occurred hit him.

_Oh shit._

Dean opened his mouth to try and stammer out an apology, but Castiel was quicker. The angel reached over and pressed two fingers onto Dean's forehead causing the hunter to fall unconscious.

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OK. This chapter took a while to finally write! Hope it turned out OK! : )


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_Oh dear._

Castiel stared at Dean's sleeping form, an uncharacteristic blush coloring his cheeks. That was _not_ how he had intended for things to go. He had planned on healing Dean and then making sure he slept comfortably for the night. He had no idea that he healing capabilities also had that particular… _effect_. Of course, every time he had ever healed Dean the man had always been unconscious or, well, dead. The angel made a mental note to remember that detail for next time.

His hand hovered over Dean's head for a moment. Castiel considered removing the memory from Dean's mind in order to spare the man the discomfort. He felt bad enough about overwhelming Dean with as much information as he had. But Castiel was also very aware of how Dean would react if he found out Castiel had done any mind-tampering. Castiel dropped his hand down in his lap with a sigh.

Everything was becoming much more complicated than he had anticipated. Of course, trying to explain everything that had taken place to someone who didn't remember it always was complicated. But this was much more difficult. He could see the look of distrust in Dean's eyes that he had before when they first met and it hurt. Castiel couldn't help but feel heartbroken over the loss of what they once had. Part of him wondered if it was even worth pursuing, if maybe Dean really was better off without him.

And then Castiel remembered his kiss. His touch. That look that was undeniably _Dean_. And despite knowing Dean didn't trust him right now, he knew deep down that the hunter was still drawn to him. That there was something inside of Dean that still knew Castiel and it wanted to understand him more.

Castiel ran his hand wearily over his face and shifted with discomfort. His encounter with Dean hadn't left him completely unaffected. His own erection throbbed painfully in his constricting pants. Castiel closed his eyes and quickly searched the house to find out where Bobby was. To his relief the older hunter didn't seem to have heard what had gone on and was settling himself into bed. Castiel let out a relieved sigh as he opened his eyes and looked back at Dean.

His breath caught in his throat as he took in Dean's long, lean form. His lips were still slightly swollen from the kisses they had shared and his shirt was hitched up revealing his toned abs. He was beautiful as he slept. Castiel felt a wave of mixed emotions as he watched Dean ranging from a desire to simply remain at his side to wanting to take part in some activities that were decidedly inappropriate considering the circumstances.

Coming to a compromise Castiel got up and slipped into the connecting bathroom and quietly closed the door. Nervously he fumbled with the button on his pants and then the fly. He carefully pulled out his aching erection and let out a hiss of relief. He began stroking himself, allowing his mind to wander back to Dean's face… the way Dean's cock had felt in his hand… the way Dean had kissed him… how Dean's body felt pressed against his own… the sounds Dean had made as he came in Castiel's hand…

In only a few short strokes Castiel's head fell back against the bathroom door with a dull thud and he let out a moan as his orgasm peaked. He came in his hand and his body trembled as he slowly sank to the floor. His breath came out in ragged pants as he slowly came down from his peak.

This was definitely not how Castiel wanted things to be. He knew he was going to have to be much more careful in the future and be sure they took things much slower. Before they had over a year to get to know each other and develop their relationship. He owed it to Dean to try to give him as much time as he needed.

With a sigh Castiel gave a wave of his hand and was instantly cleaned up. After he fixed himself in his pants he went back out to where Dean slept and made sure he was cleaned up as well. He then sat down in a nearby chair and watched Dean sleep.

This wasn't going to be easy.

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Hey guys! Sorry this update took so long and is so short! I've been very very distracted the last few days and my brain has not been cooperating to write. I just learned on Friday that I am pregnant with my first child! : ) I am very very very VERY excited and having a hard time focusing on anything else right now! I promise to keep at it and hopefully my brain starts to focus again!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Dean opened his eyes and blinked in the morning sunlight. He frowned and let out a groan as he sat up and looked around sleepily, trying to remember where he was and how he had gotten there. Still in a groggy haze, he tried to remember last night. He remembered sneaking out… taking the Impala to the bar… he remembered feeling hopeful that Cas would be there…

_Oh… shit._

He buried his face in his hands as the memories of last night began trickling back into his consciousness. Memories of the fight… his hand… Castiel saving him… Bobby's revelations… Castiel's revelations… the healing…

That kiss. What followed after that kiss…

Dean looked up and scanned the room. He was relieved to see that he was alone. He had absolutely no desire to have to face the angel after what he had done.

_Maybe it was just a dream, _Dean hoped anxiously. _Just a really fucked up… hot… delicious… sexy… son of a bitch!_

He climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. His stomach dropped, however, when he saw his bloodied clothes still lying on the floor where he had dropped them. Dean leaned his forehead against the doorframe and groaned.

"Awesome, Dean. Just fucking fantastic," Dean muttered to himself. "You fucking violated an angel! An _angel_! And not just any angel! The one that hauled your ass out of Hell! Now he's gonna throw you right back in there!"

He went over to the sink and turned it on. He splashed some cold water in his face and stared at his reflection. He desperately tried to figure out what he was going to say to Castiel when he saw him again and, quite frankly, he couldn't think of a thing. It had been very very wrong and he knew that he shouldn't have done it.

And yet… it had felt so incredible. So _right_. The way Castiel's lips had felt against his. The way Castiel looked at him. Touched him... Aroused him…

Dean slammed his fist against the sink and shook his head furiously. What the hell was wrong with him!? This was wrong on so many different levels. He had violated an angel for Christ sakes! He had forced himself on him! It didn't matter if it "felt right." It didn't matter that it had been the most incredible sexual experience he had ever encountered in his entire life.

Castiel was an angel. A _male_ angel at that. That meant off limits.

Taking a deep breath Dean turned off the water and dried his face on the nearby towel. He came back out into the bedroom and threw on a pair of pajama pants while mentally preparing himself for when he'd have to face Castiel.

_It was a mistake. A really big, awful, fucked up mistake. I'll just apologize and we'll just move on from it. And I won't ever let him heal me again. And hopefully he won't chuck me back into the Pit._

Somewhat reluctantly, Dean opened the bedroom door and began making his way downstairs. To his surprise, once he reached the kitchen all he saw was Bobby calmly making breakfast. He glanced up when he heard Dean come in.

"Morning, Sunshine," Bobby said casually as he turned back to the eggs he was cooking. "Want some eggs?"

"What?" Dean was momentarily taken aback. Then Bobby's words finally sunk in and Dean quickly nodded. "Uh, yeah. Sure."

Dean sat down at the kitchen table, still looking around for Castiel. Bobby set a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him and noticed the look on Dean's face.

"He went to check on a few things," Bobby said matter-of-factly. "He trying to track down that Jasper and figure out just what exactly he's up to and how the hell he even got back here in the first place."

Dean frowned as he took a bite of eggs. "So… jasper isn't meant to be here?"

Bobby shook his head. "As far as we knew he got tossed back into Hell with the rest of the demons that day when God showed up. From my understanding it's no easy task to be able to make it back to planet Earth all that quick, but yet this guy managed to pull it off."

Bobby sat down across from Dean with his own plate of food and shook his head again.

"From what Castiel was saying it takes years in Hell to complete the necessary ritual to earn a ticket back upstairs. Jasper went to Hell the same time you did and it seems he came back about a month after you got back. Now, I know time works a little differently down there, but from the way Castiel was talking it should have taken him a hell of a lot longer to get out than it did."

Dean frowned as he thought about it for a minute.

"What about someone summoning him? You know, like in some kind of summoning ritual up here?"

Bobby frowned thoughtfully and cocked his head. "You mean like someone actually summoned him from here?"

Dean nodded. "It can happen. It's another way that demons have been able to been able to get here without having to go through the three-ring circus in Hell. I mean, it could have been done by anyone. Hell, some kids at a slumber party messing with an Ouija board that they didn't know how to use could have summoned him."

Bobby nodded, his eyes widening. "That could do it. And maybe if we can figure out how he got here then maybe we can figure out what he's got up his sleeve."

Dean smiled ruefully. "I thought it was pretty clear that he wants to kill me."

To his surprise, Bobby didn't answer right away. Bobby hesitantly rubbed the back of his neck and averted his gaze. Dean frowned.

"What?"

Bobby sighed reluctantly. "It's… a little more complicated than that, Dean."

"It's more complicated than him just wanting to off me?"

"Dean… Jasper's pissed off at you for getting Lucifer thrown back in the Pit. But he's even more pissed off at Castiel for turning his back on Lucifer and not going through with what they had planned for him."

"And what exactly did they have planned for him?"

Bobby shifted nervously in his seat. "Look, Dean, maybe you should wait and ask Castiel about it when he gets back."

"Well he's not here and you are. And you seem to know a lot about what's gone on so I'm asking you. So spill it."

Bobby shook his head and sighed. "Fine, but just remember that I didn't want to!"

"Yeah yeah. So what was the big plan?"

"The plan was to corrupt Castiel with the grace of five corrupted angels."

Dean frowned. "'Grace?' What is that like a soul or something?"

Bobby nodded. "It's what gives angels their powers. By infusing him with the corrupt souls he would have turned and followed Lucifer. He would have been almost as powerful as Lucifer himself."

Dean swallowed hard as the thought of Castiel being evil made his stomach knot.

"But… why would he do that?"

"Apparently, because he actually cared about Castiel. Viewed him as his brother and wanted him at his side to help destroy the world. From what Castiel told me Lucifer has a big old chip on his shoulder because God loves humans so much and not the angels. That's why he got cast out."

Dean arched an eyebrow at him and let out a derisive snort. "Wait, you're saying Lucifer got cast out of Heaven because he was _jealous?_"

Bobby shrugged. "That's what I was told. So he figured the best way to prove his love was to show God how humans really didn't love God and then he was going to wipe everyone off the Earth. And you… well…" His voice drifted off.

Dean frowned. "I what?"

"You were the one to throw the wrench into Lucifer's plans. It was because of you he wasn't able to complete the ritual."

"How did I do that?"

Bobby thought for a moment before shaking his head. "Uh uh. That whole thing you need to talk to Castiel about. What you two had going on needs to be kept between you two. I'm not getting involved."

Now Dean's interest was piqued. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Bobby took a final bite of his breakfast and shook his head again and rising to his feet. "No way. Forget it. Like I said, I have no interest in getting involved in you two idgit's shenanigans!"

Dean huffed in annoyance. "So how the hell am I supposed to find out?"

Bobby put his plate in the sink. He turned around to look at Dean and smirked.

"Why don't you ask him? He's standing right there behind you!"

The flush shot up Dean's face as he slowly turned and saw Castiel standing calmly in the doorway. The angel's face was set in an unreadable mask, just like always.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said calmly.

"Hey," Dean mumbled in reply as he quickly dropped his gaze and focused intently on his half-eaten breakfast.

"Bobby," Castiel said, "May I have a moment of privacy with Dean? There are some things I need to discuss with him."

Dean felt his heart come to a screeching halt in his chest.

"Actually, Bobby and I were in the middle of talking about some stuff-"

"I'll get out of your hair," Bobby quickly interjected, much to Dean's horror. "I'll be in the garage."

Dean gave Bobby the evil eye as the older hunter quickly slipped out of the kitchen. Not that he had given him a reason to stay, but the last thing Dean wanted was to be left alone with the angel, particularly after what happened the previous night.

As soon as Bobby left Castiel sat down in a chair directly next to Dean and blocking any chance of an easy exit. Dean could definitely tell that even though he couldn't remember Castiel, Castiel knew him very well.

"So… um… Bobby and I were talking about this Jasper and we think we might have figured out a way that he made it out of the Pit," Dean said quickly in an attempt to hide his nervousness. He didn't dare bring himself to look up from his plate as he pushed the food around on it.

"We can discuss that later. I wanted to speak to you about what happened with us last night."

_Son of a bitch._ "You mean with the demons jumping me?" Dean replied, trying to play dumb in order to avoid the conversation.

Yeah right.

"No. I meant when I healed you and we… kissed… among other things…"

Well, no escaping it now. Damn angel and his directness. Dean wondered if it was even humanly possible for his face to turn any redder. He took a deep breath and decided to plunge in before he lost his nerve.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright? I don't why the hell I did that… I mean, any of that… but it was a huge mistake and it was wrong and I'm really sorry and I swear it won't happen again."

Dean fell silent and still refused to look up. He was waiting for Castiel to start yelling at him. Telling him what a sick freak he was and that he definitely deserved to be tossed back in the fires of Hell for it.

But Castiel wasn't saying anything.

Finally, Dean forced himself to look up. To his surprise Castiel's eyes were downcast and the angel almost looked… hurt.

"It was my fault what occurred last evening, Dean," Castiel finally said quietly. "I wasn't aware my healing had that… effect on the person I heal. I am sorry. I promise that I will not allow it to occur again."

Dean felt a stab of grief in his heart at Castiel's words. He felt genuinely sad and hurt that Castiel wouldn't allow a repeat of the situation. Not that Dean wanted a repeat, of course. But… there was that feeling still… that undeniable draw that pulled Dean to him.

"It… it's OK," Dean replied gruffly, trying to hide the hurt and confusion he was feeling. He quickly got up and walked over to the sink and dropped in his fork and plate. "Look, just forget about it. We've got other stuff to worry about anyways."

He turned and saw Castiel nod, his eyes still downcast.

"Yes… yes, we should. You're right. Perhaps we should go talk to Bobby now."

Dean nodded and made a beeline for the door. He didn't see the look of sadness on Castiel's face as he slipped out the back door.

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Figured I've made you guys wait so long for an update I should at least give you a substantial one! : ) I think the creative juices are starting to flow again. I'll do my best to keep at it!

Thanks for all the warm wishes and your support! It really means a lot to me!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"So I think we need to figure out where Jasper arrived," Dean said to Bobby. "Cuz I'm betting where ever he popped up is where he's hanging out now. Plus we'll be able to find out if they're springing any other demons out of the Pit too. At least then we'd know what we're up against.

Bobby nodded thoughtfully. "Wouldn't hurt to figure out where ground zero is. And with Sam's help I bet it won't be too difficult to find."

The three men were standing outside in the salvage yard discussing their plans. Bobby was keeping a close eye on Dean and Castiel in order to try to figure out what had been discussed after he had left the kitchen. Whatever it had been, he was sure that it hadn't been the open heart-to-heart he knew the two needed. He could tell Dean was putting up his typical macho front, the one he always resorted to when he was nervous or upset. Castiel was hanging back a few steps and had hardly said two words the whole time. While the angel's face was set in a stoic mask, Bobby could see the hurt in his eyes.

_Why the hell do I always get dragged into these things?_

"Say, Dean, why don't you head inside and give Sam a call. Tell him to get over here with that computer of his so he can try to look up any recent demonic omens. And you go check the news, see if there's been anything going on recently."

"Sure thing," Dean said with a quick nod. Bobby couldn't help but notice how Dean avoided looking at Castiel as he went by. Castiel started to turn to go, but Bobby quickly caught his arm.

"Not so fast, Angel," Bobby said firmly. "You and I need to have a little chat."

Castiel's eyes widened in surprise, but he stopped. Bobby waited until Dean had gone inside before saying anything else.

"You mind filling me in on why Dean's avoiding you and why you look like a kicked puppy?" Bobby demanded gruffly. "I thought you and Dean talked things out last night."

Castiel's gaze dropped to the ground and Bobby could see the stoic mask slip away and be replaced by a look of sadness. Bobby sighed.

"What happened?"

"I…" Castiel's voice was quiet. "I reassured him that he shouldn't be upset about his actions from before. From his time in Hell. And then… I healed him…" His voice trailed off.

Bobby frowned. "OK… so you healed him? So why is he avoiding you like the plague?"

Castiel swallowed hard. "Because… my healing powers had… unexpected effects on him… and we… kissed... and other things..."

Bobby held up his hand to stop Castiel after he said that.

"Ugh, Cas! Just… stop right there! Spare me the details, alright?"

Castiel nodded, a sad puppy dog expression on his face. Bobby groaned and ran his hand over his face.

"So let me guess, Dean freaked out and said that it was all a big misunderstanding and it'd never happen again, etc, etc. Am I right?"

Castiel looked at Bobby in shock. "How did you-?"

Bobby snorted. "Please! I've known that boy since he was knee high! I know how he acts when he doesn't know how to handle something and his typical reaction is to try to pretend it's not a problem and everything is fine. And trying to push you aside is just the way he thinks he can do that."

Castiel dropped his gaze. "I never thought it would be this difficult… he said it was a mistake… maybe… maybe he's right…"

Bobby scowled at Castiel and stepped in front of him.

"Now, you listen here, Castiel! I know I haven't been jumping for joy at the idea of you two… well… hooking up or whatever, but I do know that Dean loved you once. And he loved you so much that he risked his life to save you from Lucifer _and_ he let himself get sent back to Hell just so he'd at least have to opportunity to see you again when you rescued him! Now, I know it's no fun that he doesn't remember you, but you have to keep working on it! For crying out loud, the boy got to know you over, what? A year? Almost two? You can't expect him to have all his feelings for you figured out in a couple weeks!"

Castiel looked up at Bobby and considered his words for a moment before finally nodding.

"Yes, you are right, Bobby. I know this is a… confusing situation for Dean."

"Damn right I'm right!" Bobby huffed. "Hell, it's confusing for me and I actually remember what happened! You just can't give up. Not yet. I know if you keep at him long enough and keep telling him about stuff from before he'll start to get those feelings he had once back."

"You really think he can feel that way for me again?" Castiel asked hesitantly, but Bobby could hear the glimmer of hope in his voice.

"Honestly, Cas, I think he already has feelings for ya. He just hasn't figured out what the hell the mean yet."

Bobby saw a smile ghost across Castiel's lips. He gave the angel a pat on the back.

"Alright. Go on up to the house. I've got to put some stuff away before I head in."

Castiel nodded and was gone before Bobby could say anything else. The hunter shook his head and sighed.

"Damn idgits."

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*sigh* I know! I know! It's really short. It's just that I haven't had that huge burst of inspiration where I go, "Oh! I know how this story is going to go!" And when I don't have that it makes it really really hard write.

Really really need ideas, my loyal readers! You guys are completely and totally awesome and I know you can inspire me! : )


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jasper stared in disgust at the demon currently groveling at his feet. Letting out a roar of rage he kicked the demon hard upside his head, sending the demon flying across the room and into the wall.

"You stupid fuck ups!" Jasper bellowed furiously. "Do you have any idea just how much you've managed to make this whole thing that much harder for me to complete!? I told you I wanted Winchester here before me _ALIVE_ and without the angel knowing! How hard is that to do!? Now that traitor knows we're after his little bitch and now it's going to be that much more difficult to get him away from him without him knowing it!"

The demon managed to rise up to his hands and knees. Even in his new body the eyes were blackened and burnt out. He looked towards Jasper unseeingly and trembled.

"It wasn't my idea! I swear! It was Bati's! He said we could take Winchester's hand as payment!"

Jasper's eyes narrowed further and he stormed over to where the demon was cowering. He grabbed the demon by his hair and hoisted him up over his head.

"_I_ will be the one to determine what, if any, payment you shall receive for your services!"

He threw the demon back down on the floor and stormed away furiously. Folding his arms in front of him Jasper stared out the window into the afternoon sky.

"Castiel knows what is at stake here. He knows I will not stop until I have destroyed them both. And because of that he will be watching Winchester even more closely than before," Jasper said, more to himself than anyone else. "He won't let him out of his sight."

Jasper then began to smile, an evil knowing smile.

"But then, Winchester doesn't remember everything that has transpired. And knowing Castiel, it's doubtful he has actually told him everything. The relationship was strained, even before Master was locked away."

He turned at looked at the other two demons that had become his followers since he rose to Earth. While they weren't nearly as powerful as he was, they was both eager in pleasing their Master, Lucifer, and both were willing to do whatever Jasper asked of them. After all, he had been Lucifer's right-hand man when he had walked the Earth.

Jasper's jaw clenched as he remembered his life before Lucifer had risen. It had been a pathetic, pitiful life. He had lost his job the previous month. He discovered his wife had been having an affair with his pathetic excuse of a best friend. His house was foreclosed on. His life savings depleted. His retirement savings stolen from him by the greedy CEOs who had laid him off and then went on to destroy the company.

The final straw came when the doctors found the brain tumor. Inoperatable. And no health insurance to cover the radiation and chemotherapy that might prolong his pathetic excuse of a life.

Then Lucifer came.

Sure, he had hesitated at first. Who wouldn't? It had been the devil after all. But Jasper quickly saw just how much the fallen angel could offer him. Lucifer healed him of the tumor, relieving him of the pain and suffering it had caused. His whore of a wife died in a "mysterious" car accident along with his "friend." And Lucifer had promised him riches beyond anything he could even imagine. No longer would he have to slave in a cubicle while those above him enjoyed all the fruits of his labor. He could have everything he had ever dreamed of. He would be powerful. Important. He would be at Lucifer's side while he took over the world, a key instrument in his rise to power.

So he had said yes.

And it had been everything he could have hoped for. He had the respect of all of Lucifer's followers. Even the demon minions bowed to him and followed his orders. He wanted for nothing.

And then it had all come crashing down around him. When God had returned he had been immediately cast into the bowels of Hell. He had burned in the fires with the others and had been tortured at the hands of the other demons. Mocked and belittled, the other demons laughed at his foolishness.

But instead of caving to his fate, Jasper became angry. The torture and suffering only strengthened him, causing him to once again rise in power amongst the other demons. Then the day finally came and he escaped with two of his followers he had collected during his time there. He was no longer a weak, insignificant human. He was a demon. And he was ready for his revenge on those who had betrayed his master.

Jasper began nodding slowly, the wheels in his head spinning rapidly with ideas.

"We need to get Winchester away from Castiel. We need something that will make Winchester want to leave him, even temporarily."

His eyes traveled to a closed door. A malevolent smile touched his lips as he walked over and flung the door open. It opened into a small, windowless room. On one side lay the dead body of a dark-haired girl in her early twenties. It was apparent she had been dead for several days now. On the other side of the room, huddled in the corner was a blonde-haired girl who looked obviously terrified. Her face was streaked with tears and make-up that had smeared and run down her cheeks. She whimpered with fear as Jasper entered the room and smiled at her.

"Well, my dear Brandy, looks like you might actually be useful for something other than springing me and my comrades from Hell," Jasper said coolly.

Brandy trembled and shook her head fearfully.

"Please… please don't hurt me…" she sobbed.

Jasper calmly walked over to her and knelt down in front of her.

"Well, I can't promise you won't get hurt, my dear," Jasper said matter-of-factly. "But you must remember that this is for the greater good of my Master. You will be helping to avenge a great travesty done to Lucifer."

Brandy's head dropped to her knees and she cried with fear. Satisfied, Jasper stood back up and went back out to stand in the doorway, looking at his demon cronies.

"Lelin," Jasper said to one of them with a smirk. "How would you like to be a pretty young thing for a few days?"

Lelin smiled, understanding immediately what Jasper had in mind. He threw his head back, spewing a plume of black smoke from his mouth. The dead body fell to the floor while the smoke flew across the room and over Jasper's head, into the room behind him. Jasper chuckled to himself as he walked away while listening to the terrified screams of the girl behind him.

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Yep, back to working on this story! First I started thinking about how it'd be interesting to see Jasper's side of what's been going on and get some of his history. Then came the burst of inspiration as to how I think I'm gonna have things play out! : )

Do keep the feedback coming, though! Definitely helps the creative juices!


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Devils Lake, North Dakota," Sam said, spinning the laptop around to show Amanda, Dean, Bobby and Castiel. The screen displayed an article from a newspaper. "About a month ago there was a pretty bad storm, knocked over trees, destroyed some buildings. Then, about two weeks ago, fishermen in the area started finding dead fish floating in the water. Investigators can't figure out why they're dying. There's no poison in the lake, the pH levels are all normal. There isn't even any disease they can find in the dead fish. But, everyone who lives there is freaking out because the blood from the fish is making the water turn red."

"Anything else?" Bobby asked with a frown.

Sam shook his head. "That's about it. And even that was hard to get, but it was the only thing that fit in our time frame."

"I haven't found anything else either," Amanda said with a sigh. "This demon is covering his tracks amazingly well. I've never seen one lay low for so long."

Dean sat quietly in the corner, watching the others, balancing a book on his lap. He hadn't really felt like saying much since Sam and Amanda had arrived, being content to just see what they had found.

Although, it had been pretty damn funny when Dean had introduced Sam to Castiel. He was pretty sure he had never seen Sam's eyes get that big before. Christ, his brother had turned into a stammering fan girl in two seconds flat! He had half expected Sam to ask for an autograph and for Amanda to take his picture with him! Fortunately, Castiel was very good about it all and warmly greeted Sam who beamed like a little kid.

Still, Dean couldn't help but feel out of place sitting there. It also didn't help that Castiel sat only a few feet away, eyes closed, as if in a trance, using whatever angel mojo he had to try to gather what information he could. Even though Dean had said that they would just act like nothing had happened, he knew deep down that it was a load of crap. He knew his attraction to Castiel was only growing and that all he wanted was to be around the angel despite what had happened. It was ridiculous and downright embarrassing, but there it was.

He had briefly debated trying to talk to Sam about it, but quickly decided that it wasn't an option. He could only imagine the things Sam would say if he knew that his brother had defiled an _angel!_

Suddenly, Dean realized that Bobby had just asked him a question that he completely missed and everyone, including Castiel, was looking at him expectantly.

"What? Uh… sorry, I missed that," Dean said, trying to act nonchalant.

Bobby frowned. "You feeling OK, Dean?"

Dean nodded and plastered his confident smile on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just… just trying to figure out what this Jasper is up to."

He could tell Bobby wasn't convinced in the slightest, but also wasn't about to argue.

"I said, what do you think about having Sam and Amanda go up there and talk to some of the locals? It's about a six or seven hour drive to get there and the two of them could gather up some info in a day or two."

Dean frowned. "Why can't I go? This is my problem, not theirs!"

Bobby sighed and gave Dean a stern look.

"Because I don't want Castiel to have to stick your other hand or head or whatever else they might choose to hack off if they get a hold of you again! You have to remember, son, you're the one they're after. I'm sorry, but you're safer sticking close to home."

Dean became quiet, looking over at Sam and Amanda, who were shifting uncomfortably in their seats, and then back at Bobby.

"So you're saying I have to sit this one out?" Dean's voice was quiet, but his frustration could be heard under the surface.

"What I'm saying is that until we have more to go on I think it'd be better for you to stay here with me and help me try to find out more info here."

Dean rose to his feet. He leveled his gaze at Bobby and all the anger and frustration that had built up over the last few weeks finally spilled over.

"I've been hunting and fighting demons for almost as long as I can remember! I've had plenty of crappy things happen to me. Hell, I've already died and gone to Hell! Twice from what you and Cas said! So when you stand there and tell me that I'm supposed to sit back and let my brother and his girl go take care of something that's not even their problem you better believe it's gonna piss me off!"

The room became deathly quiet. Bobby dropped his gaze, obviously not wanting to fight. Sam hesitantly cleared his throat.

"Dean… look, you're my brother. And if some demon is after you then it's my problem whether you like it or not. I'm not just going to sit around and watch you try to fight this thing alone. We're family, and family takes care of each other."

Dean clenched his jaw and dropped his gaze. Fighting back the urge to start screaming at all of them he cleared his throat.

"So I guess the decision is already made then."

"Dean, wait-"

Dean threw up his hands and shook his head.

"Whatever. Do what you want. I'm going upstairs."

He turned and walked away despite Sam's protests. He clenched his fists by his sides as he stormed up the stairs and to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn't even know how he was feeling. He was angry at Bobby for babying him and preventing him from doing what he had always done. He was upset and jealous of Sam for being able to move on without him and actually find someone to love. And he was angry at himself for feeling angry and confused over everything that was going on. He was Dean Winchester. Always in control, no matter how bad things got. And here he was, confused and freaked out as hell.

Dean flopped down on his bed and stared up at the peeling paint on the bedroom ceiling. He knew deep down that the problem was Castiel. It didn't matter what he tried to pretend. He was inexplicably attracted to the angel and that was it. He didn't know why… well, that wasn't completely true. He had to admit the angel was attractive as far as guys went. But there was more to it. Something about his presence… the way he would look at him with those piercing blue eyes… like he knew every aspect about him. Dean found it both unnerving and comforting all at the same time.

He was lying there contemplating all this when there was a soft knock on the door. Dean rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now, Sam! Just go to the lake and we can talk about it when you get back!"

"Dean," a quiet voice responded. "It's Castiel. I… I was wondering if we could talk."

Dean's breath caught in his throat. For a split second he couldn't speak and he felt a sense of panic. Part of him was still too embarrassed to have to actually talk to the angel, but then there was the other part that wanted to be in his presence all the time.

"Come on in," Dean managed to choke out as he quickly sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He silently prayed he didn't look too flustered about Castiel's unexpected visit.

The door opened and he saw Castiel's head poke in. He could immediately see the uncertainty on the angel's face.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I don't mean to disturb you."

Dean shrugged. "It's fine. What's up?"

Castiel walked into the room slowly, his gaze everywhere but on Dean.

"I was wondering if maybe we could… talk."

Dean swallowed nervously, annoyed with himself that he was so flustered.

"Uh… sure. Talk about what?"

He watched Castiel drop his gaze to the floor before taking a deep breath and looking back up at him.

"I would like to talk about us."

Dean was wondering if he could remember how to breathe.

"Us?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. Before… when we met the first time."

Dean tried to moisten his lips, but realized his mouth had gone bone dry.

"Well," he tried to sound calmer than he really felt. "Hate to break it to you, Cas, but I don't remember anything from before."

"I know. But I could perhaps tell you about how things were."

Dean couldn't help but smile ruefully.

"Well, that's nice and all, but all that doesn't really matter to me if I can't remember it."

Castiel dropped his gaze and Dean thought that the angel almost looked disappointed for a second. He was about to apologize when Castiel suddenly looked back up at him thoughtfully.

"It's true I can't restore your memories. I do not have that ability. But… I am able to show events that transpired."

Dean frowned. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

To his surprise Castiel walked over and sat next to him on the bed, looking at him intently.

"I cannot give you your memories, but I can share with you mine. At least then you would be able to see what went on."

Dean was uncertain at first, but then his curiosity slowly got the better of him. He really did want to know some of what he couldn't remember and, well, it would give him an excuse to spend more time with the angel.

Still, he did have one major concern.

"So, uh… this memory sharing thing… it's not like… you know… the healing thing is it…?"

He could feel his face redden as he asked, but, almost to his relief, Castiel didn't act offended.

"No! No, it's not the same. Actually, I must warn you, it can be somewhat painful. And I cannot always be sure of what memories you will see. I can control them to some degree, but it is difficult and the memories may be random. Is that alright?"

Strangely enough, it was. It didn't even faze Dean that there could be pain involved. He wanted answers and now it looked like he'd finally be getting them.

"I'm game," he said with a nod. "So how does this work?"

"Just relax," Castiel said before reaching up and touching Dean's temples with both hands.

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Yes. I know. Evil cliffy. I have to do a little back reading, though, to be able to write what happens. Now, if anyone wants to request some memories they would like Dean to remember let me know! And I want the non-smut ones! I already know y'all want the smut! ; ) So definitely would love to hear from you guys!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Dean felt as though he was riding in a car with the top down going 100 mph. He could barely breathe and he couldn't see a thing. For a brief second he wondered if maybe letting Castiel do this wasn't such a smart idea.

And then he was there.

* * *

_Hell fire surrounded him as he made his way through the Pit, his army of brethren at his side. He was Castiel, a loyal warrior of the Lord God. He had been given a mission that was of the utmost importance. He was to find Dean Winchester and return him to Earth. The mortal was to be used to prevent the rise of Lucifer and the Apocalypse._

_The screams of the damned echoed around him and the sounds of battle between the angels and the demons reminded him that he had to hurry. The first seal had been broken. There were only sixty-five left. _

_Castiel rounded a corner and entered a dungeon. Lying spread-eagle and bound on a rack was a soul being tortured. On one side stood a demon, Alistair, smiling gleefully at the screams of agony the soul emitted. On the other side stood a figure, a soul that Castiel knew had been tortured mercilessly for many years while in Hell. The figure was the one torturing the soul before him; focused intently on making the pain the soul suffered excruciating. _

_It was Dean Winchester, but barely recognizable as such. His soul had slowly twisted and darkened during his time in the Hell fires. Castiel could see no signs of human compassion or pity. For a brief moment the angel wondered why he had been sent to save a soul that could not possibly be saved._

_And then it happened._

_Dean looked up at him, a look of confusion on his face at first. Alistair let out a scream of fury, but was pushed back by Castiel's powers and rendered helpless. Castiel looked at Dean as he walked towards him, ready for whatever the human might try._

_Instead, to his surprise, Dean dropped the bloodied blade in his hand and fell to his knees. His eyes wide and desperate he raised his arms up while tears flowed down his cheeks._

_"Please… please help me… please save me… I don't want to do this… this is not who I am… I never meant to let this happen to me… please help me…"_

_Castiel could now see the humanity in Dean's eyes. The torturer was merely a façade that had been adopted for survival. This human was never meant to be here._

_Castiel stepped forward ad placed his hands on Dean's shoulders._

_"Come with me."_

* * *

The images of the memory spun and blurred out of focus before finally disappearing. Before Dean had a chance to register what was happening, a new memory emerged.

* * *

_Castiel was amused at the humans' feeble attempts to stop him from entering the barn they had covered with holy symbols from every religion and culture known to man. The rounds of rock salt and silver bullets did nothing to slow him down as he calmly walked in and stopped before Dean who stared at him dumbfounded._

_"Who are you?"_

_"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition."_

_"Yeah? Thanks for that."_

_Castiel couldn't help the ghost of a smile that touched his lips. He could see in the young man's eyes that he didn't trust him. The man didn't remember him which was as it should be. Although it did make it interesting to watch Dean plunge the knife deep into his vessel's chest, delivering what typically would be a killing blow. Castiel simply looked down at it, grasped the handle, and pulled it out while looking intently at Dean he dropped it to the floor. He saw Dean's gaze flick behind him and he knew the man with Dean was getting ready to attack. Effortlessly, Castiel caught the blade with his hand, turned, and put the man to sleep with a touch of his fingers._

_He needed to speak to his charge and he preferred to do it without an audience._

_As he spoke to his charge Castiel was surprised to see all the doubt and lack of faith the man had. True, Dean didn't remember him raising him, but surely someone who was supposed to stop the Apocalypse would have some faith. _

_But Dean Winchester had none. Nor did he believe he deserved to be saved. It was puzzling to the angel and something he would have to remember._

_But it didn't matter. His job was to make sure this human did his part in saving the seals. He would carry out his duty as commanded._

* * *

The memory faded away just as quickly as the first one had. And, just as quickly as before, a new one began to form.

* * *

_Castiel had already had a long and tiring day when he had heard about the witnesses rising and the seal breaking. He wanted to be there to try and stop it, knowing that everything he had gone through to save Dean had been for nothing if the hunter died. But he was in the midst of his own battle with the demons and he couldn't get away._

_So it was a relief for him to see Dean safe. He was able to easily walk into Dean's dream in order to speak with him in private. Still, he couldn't help still being perplexed at the human's attitude about what was going on. He questioned __**everything**__ he was told. He showed no respect to the angel who had pulled him from Hell. Denied believing in Lucifer. Insulted and denied God, his Father._

_Still, Castiel forced himself to remain patient. Refusing to acknowledge Dean's baiting comments, including being called a "dick" he instead told Dean about the seals and the threat of Lucifer rising. At first, he had been hopeful that Dean was actually listening. That he would actually take this seriously._

_But, instead, Dean mocked Castiel's perceived inactions. Rolled his eyes and smirked as Castiel tried to explain himself._

_Castiel finally had enough._

_He stared into Dean's eyes while getting in his face._

_"Our numbers are __**not **__unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around?" His voiced deepened and his anger began to roll off of him in waves. "There's a bigger picture here."_

_With this Castiel leaned closer, mere inches from Dean's face. Dean, obviously uncomfortable, began leaning away._

_"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in." _

_He didn't mean it. Even as he said it Castiel knew deep down he didn't mean it. He would never throw away the angels' only means of stopping the Apocalypse. He had been antagonized and had spoken out of frustration._

_Why had he allowed himself to become frustrated?_

* * *

Dean was starting to get used to the shifts in memories. He waited for the next one.

* * *

_Castiel was confused. His assignment was to show Dean the past and make him understand Azazel's plan for Sam. To make him see why he needed to make Sam stop using his powers. It was a simple assignment._

_But something changed that day._

_As Castiel sat in the passenger seat next to Dean and listened to the young man talk about saving his family with such conviction… such emotion… it was unlike anything Castiel had ever experienced before. _

_And for the first time Castiel actually felt something for the incorrigible human he had pulled from Hell. He felt a sense of compassion. A feeling of guilt that he couldn't explain to him that there was no way he could save his family. His orders were to let Dean figure it out for himself. _

_But as he stood there watching Dean after the young Mary had made the deal, Castiel felt the stoic mask he always wore slip away. It actually hurt him to see the young man suffer. He gently touched Dean's shoulder in a gesture he knew was meant to bring comfort, but Castiel knew it wouldn't. _

_The goal was accomplished. Dean learned the truth. Understood what really happened._

_But for the first time Castiel wondered if it had really been the right thing to do._

* * *

Dean wanted to yell to Castiel to take him back. He wanted to see his parents again, to see everything that had happened. While he now had the memories Castiel had of them it wasn't enough. Unfortunately, Dean knew that there was no going back in any of this.

* * *

_Another seal had broken. One more lock on the door had been unlocked._

_So why didn't Castiel feel angry at Dean for the choice he made?_

_The angel and human each sat on benches next to each other while watching a group of children laugh and play on the playground nearby. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining warm on their faces. The leaves were changing into bright reds, oranges, and browns. The air smelled of autumn and was cool on their cheeks._

_It was beautiful. All of it. And Castiel secretly loved everything he saw. He loved his Father and everything that He had created. While the other angels looked down on the humans running around, Castiel saw them as beautiful works of art God had created. He never liked to see them destroyed, even when it was deemed necessary._

_He found himself enjoying Dean's presence more and more. The man was fiercely loyal to his convictions and Castiel couldn't help but admire that trait. Even when threatened Dean never wavered. Castiel knew part of it was the guilt he felt over giving in to the torture he had experienced while in Hell. But then, even that seemed to give Dean a renewed sense of duty to the world. He was ready and willing to fight, but it would be on his own terms._

_Castiel liked him. It was strange, a foreign thing to admit, but he did. Castiel liked him. Liked talking to him. Liked being around him. Liked the little jokes he made, although Castiel had to admit that they often didn't make any sense to him. He wanted something more in the relationship he had with Dean. Something he didn't quite yet understand._

_It was because of these feelings Castiel confessed his doubts to the hunter. Admitted for the first time how he didn't know what he should believe. The views Dean Winchester had certainly were not the same as Castiel's superiors, yet Castiel felt more drawn to believing Dean. Although, he wasn't ready to tell Dean that part just yet._

_Castiel left the park feeling more confused and conflicted than he had when he first went there._

* * *

Dean couldn't help but feel surprised. That wasn't a side of Castiel he had expected to see. But before he could really think on it, the next memory began.

* * *

_Her name was Anna. She was a former angel, Castiel's superior. She had relinquished her grace in order to be reborn as a human. She had chosen to fall._

_Her betrayal had hurt Castiel. He had viewed her as one of the greatest out of all his superiors. Perfect. Loyal. His feelings for her had been the closest thing to "love" he had ever experienced._

_The fall had changed her. She was now bitter. Angry. She mocked the order of Heaven and the angels. Made claims that they didn't care. That they weren't capable of feeling._

_Her words were like a slap to his face. She had known the feelings he had felt for her. He knew that the truth was that it wasn't that they __**couldn't**__ feel emotions, but that they __**shouldn't**__._

_He watched her look tenderly at Dean before kissing him gently on the lips. At that moment Castiel felt something, a new emotion that was most definitely foreign to him. _

_He was jealous._

_There wasn't time, however, to analyze these new feelings. Alistair had shown up and attacked. Castiel quickly leapt into the fight, ready to take the demon out. He easily hit Alistair in the face and placed his palm on the demon's forehead, ready to smite him. He channeled his powers into destroying him._

_But something was wrong. Castiel could feel it immediately and, to his shock and horror, he knew what it was. His powers were stunted because of his lack of faith. His doubt had weakened him, rendering him unable to destroy Alistair._

_And Alistair knew it._

_The demon delivered a blow that knocked Castiel to the floor. As Alistair wrapped his hands around his throat and began chanting the incantation Castiel realized that these emotions he had been having was his undoing. He deserved to fall under this demon's hands. He lacked faith. He had gained too many emotions._

_And then suddenly Castiel saw Alistair get smacked in the head with something. The demon let go of Castiel's throat, causing him to fall back on the floor. When he looked over he saw Dean standing there with an iron pipe in his hands. Dean looked stunned that he had actually attacked the demon and Castiel was all too aware of the reason why. Alistair would want his revenge for losing his prized pupil and now would be the perfect time to get it._

_Castiel didn't get the chance to react, however. He watched Anna get her grace back and turn back into an angel, her mortal body being destroyed during the change. Uriel was furious, but Castiel managed to hold him back from going after the Winchesters again._

_He needed to go. He needed to figure out what was wrong with himself._

* * *

Something felt different with this memory. It ended more abruptly than the others while the new one stuttered into beginning.

* * *

_Castiel slowly came to, his vision blurred. He couldn't remember everything that had happened before. Everything had just gone dark._

_As his head began to clear he noticed his arms were stretched above his head and shackled. His legs were also shackled. When he twisted his head around to look at the restraints he saw there were inscriptions on them that were glowing a faint blue color. The inscriptions were clearly markings used to entrap an angel. Castiel began to feel a wave of panic rush over him. As his head cleared more he saw he was in an empty room and he appeared to be shackled to some sort of table. His trench coat as well as his suit coat had been removed as well as his socks and shoes. He began struggling in a vain attempt to free himself._

"_Now, Cas, you know as well as I do that fighting it won't work against those shackles. Not with the inscriptions I used."_

_Castiel quickly turned to see Anna enter the room. She was dressed in a red chemise, her pale skin glowing against it. There was an air of confidence surrounding her, as if this situation was nothing usual. Her lips curved up in a knowing smile as she walked over to Castiel's side._

"_Anna," Castiel gasped. "What… what is this?"_

"_This?" she replied, feigning innocence. She studied him carefully and let out a chuckle. "__This__ is my way of getting what I wanted. You have been a very stubborn little angel and not acquiesced to my requests. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands."_

_Castiel stared at her in bewilderment. "What do you mean?"_

_She chuckled and slid herself onto the table next to him. She then swung one leg over him and straddled his waist and also displaying that she was wearing nothing else besides the thin chemise. His breath caught momentarily, slowly realizing what her intentions may be, but not wanting to believe it. She leaned over and ran her hands slowly up his arms to the restraints around his wrists, bringing her face mere inches from his own._

"_Ever since I saw you again, Castiel, all I could think about were the things I wanted to do to you. I wanted you to come with me. To disobey like I did so we could be together, but you decided to be stubborn. To be a good little soldier."_

_She leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips, but he quickly turned away. His heart hammered in his chest with fear. She merely chuckled again._

"_You are stubborn! That's OK. By the time I'm done with you, I will have you __begging__ me for more."_

"_I… I don't understand."_

_Anna drew a finger gently up his cheek to brush aside a lock of his hair as she studied his face, concentrating as though she was trying to solve some great mystery._

"_You should. After everything you've seen. Everything you've experienced. I would think that what I have to offer you is so much better. Being human has so many… __perks__. I suppose, though, I'll just have to show you."_

_She slowly sat back up. She then began unbuttoning his shirt and pushed the fabric aside, revealing the pale, smooth skin underneath. She let her fingers trail across the bare skin causing a tingling sensation. Castiel felt real fear run through him._

"_Anna. Please stop this!" He whimpered._

_She looked up at him and laughed seductively._

"_Now, Cas! You don't know you won't like it unless you try it! It feels __so__ good! You'll see! You just have to trust me."_

_He shook his head desperately. "It's wrong! You know it's wrong! Please! Please stop it!"_

"_Silly little angel! We can't just stop here! We've only just started!" She lifted the hem of the chemise and slid the fabric up over her head, allowing it to fall beside her. Anna then slid down his body and began stroking the front of his pants, causing Castiel to gasp at the sensation._

"_Anna… stop!" He whimpered again, trying to shift away but unable._

_His heart thundered in his chest. He didn't understand why Anna would be doing this to him. Why she would act this way. He also didn't understand all of these strange sensations running through his body. He felt something… desire he believed it was called. But it wasn't Anna that he longed for. It wasn't Anna that he wanted to do this with. Especially not against his will._

"_Anna, stop!" He pleaded again, desperate to make her understand. "Please don't do this to me! I don't want this!"_

_She cocked her head to one side and widened her eyes, feigning innocence. She frowned with mock concern, ignoring his words. "Hmm… now, Cas, you don't seem to be enjoying this as much as I think you should be. Whatever could be the matter?"_

"_Anna, this is wrong! Please, you know it is! Please don't do this! I don't want to!"_

_She ignored his pleas and looked down at her chest. She ran her hands over her pale breasts slowly and seductively, closing her eyes and moaning with pleasure. She stopped and looked back at him, studying his reaction. Suddenly, a new, more knowing smile graced her lips. She brought herself back up him and leaned in close to his face._

"_I know your dirty little secret, Castiel," Anna whispered in his ear. "I know what you really want. __**Who**__ you really want."_

* * *

The memory suddenly came to an end. Dean was ripped out of the daze he had been in, his head throbbing painfully to the point where he felt nauseated. He let out a moan of agony as he doubled over, clutching his head. He finally forced himself to open his eyes and look at Castiel.

To his shock Castiel was sitting frozen on the bed. His face was pale and his eyes wide with horror.

"You… you weren't meant to see that," Castiel finally whispered hoarsely.

Despite the pain Dean realized that it had to have been difficult for Castiel to have to relive that last memory. He swallowed hard against the bile in his throat.

"It… it's OK, Cas. It wasn't your fault."

He reached out to touch Castiel's arm, but the angel quickly rose to his feet. He stood in the middle of the room for a moment, looking frightened and lost.

"I… I need to go investigate some things, Dean. We… we can discuss this more when I come back."

Castiel paused for a moment, obviously torn between wanting to stop Dean's pain and being too upset to stay. Finally, Castiel quickly touched Dean's head, reducing the throbbing to a mere dull ache before disappearing.

******************************************************************************

Well that was fun to write! Gave me an excuse to go back and watch all the clips from season 4! : )

Now, before any of you go, "Um, Krissy, why the heck did you ask what memories we wanted to see if you weren't gonna use them!?!" let me explain! This isn't the last time they're gonna do the memory thing, I swear! I will be needing those ideas for next time!

Thanks for reading, guys!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When Dean woke up the next morning he initially stayed in bed. He couldn't stop thinking about the memories Castiel had showed him. It had been a lot to take in and he wasn't sure quite what to make of it. On the one hand it had answered a lot of questions about what had happened to him the first time around and what their relationship had been like. Dean was finally able to see how they met and how they had slowly gotten to know each other over time.

There were some gaping omissions, however, in relation to things he wanted to know about not related to Castiel. He was morbidly curious about Alistair and what the demon had done to him. He knew it wasn't good and he was probably much better off not knowing, but the curiosity was still there.

Then there were his parents. His glimpse into the memory gave him the same knowledge as Castiel about what had happened, but Dean couldn't help but wish he could remember his interactions with them on his own. He also wished he could have had more time just to see them.

But what bothered him more than anything was definitely Castiel-related and that thing was Anna. From the memories about her that Dean had seen he knew he had some form of relationship with her, probably physical knowing the way he was. But knowing what she had done to Castiel, even if he hadn't seen all of it, made him sick. Castiel had admired her and trusted her and she betrayed him in every way imaginable.

Getting out of bed Dean decided he was going to find out what exactly happened to this Anna. He didn't know if she was dead or not, but she sure would be when he was done with her!

To his disappointment, however, Castiel was nowhere to be found when Dean got downstairs. Instead, he found Bobby sitting at the kitchen table pouring over one of his books, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Bobby," Dean said, grabbing a cup for himself. "What are you reading?"

Bobby glanced up at Dean.

"Summoning rituals for demons. There's plenty of them out there. Just trying to figure out which one might have been used to raise this Jasper character."

"Any leads?" Dean asked as he sat down across from Bobby.

"Not yet. Hopefully Sam and Amanda will find something up at Devil's Lake. Course, not sure if it'll help us that much. At this point I just want to find the son of a bitch and take him out before he gets the chance to hurt anyone else."

"No argument from me there," Dean said with a rueful smile while he took a sip of his coffee.

He saw Bobby studying him for a moment before he sighed and flipped the book shut.

"Look, Dean, I'm sorry about what happened last night. I know these last few weeks haven't exactly been the easiest for you."

Dean started to shake his head. "Bobby, wait-"

Bobby held up a hand. "Let me finish, son. I know things have been hard since you got back and I know that sitting out on something like this ain't your style. And I definitely know that letting Sam and his girlfriend go somewhere you can't is most definitely not your thing, especially when you still having to deal with him even being with this girl."

Dean protested. "I don't have a problem with Amanda! She's fine!"

Bobby grinned knowingly. "Dean, I have known both of you since you were knee high. You two have always been thick as thieves your whole lives, especially after Sam came back from Stanford. I know it had to hurt, even just a little, to see that Sam had managed to move on after you were gone. But you have to know, Dean, he still cares about you just as much as before. Hell, we all do. And we're just trying to do everything we can to keep you safe and alive. Christ, I don't think either one of us could handle losing you again, especially knowing this time we could have done something about it!"

They both became quiet as Dean absorbed what Bobby had told him. Finally Dean sighed.

"Hey, I know you're just looking out for me, Bobby. And I'm sorry about last night too. I know I overreacted a bit." Dean grinned ruefully. "Besides, it gave me and Cas some time to get to know each other a little better."

Bobby arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh really? So, um, what did you two talk about?"

Dean shrugged as he took a sip of coffee. "Well, we didn't actually talk so much as he did some angel mojo thing and showed me some of his memories of what happened before. Like when you and I first met him in that barn."

Bobby groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. I remember that. Probably the first time in all my years of hunting that I had absolutely no idea what the hell that was walking through the door!"

Dean chuckled, but then the smile faded.

"He also showed me another memory, but I don't think it's one he wanted me to see. Did you ever meet an angel named Anna?"

Bobby frowned uncertainly for a moment before an expression of realization crossed his face.

"Oh… no, I never met her. I remember you and Sam telling me about her when you guys first came across her. And… well… after a conversation I had at one point with Sam I found out just what that witch did to him."

Dean's eyes narrowed.

"So where is she now?"

Bobby looked at Dean sternly.

"Now before you go getting ready to look for a fight you can save yourself the trouble. From what I was told she's already dead. And that intel came from the Man Upstairs."

Dean looked uncertain. "Even now she's dead?"

Bobby nodded firmly. "There were quite a few angels that died from before that God didn't bring back this time around. She was definitely one of them."

"Oh." Was all Dean could think of to say.

Bobby sighed. "Dean, I know you're looking to fight something, but maybe you should hold tight and help us take care of this demon first before you go fighting any angels, OK?"

"Yes, sir."

Bobby shook his head as he got up and put his empty coffee cup in the sink. Dean glanced around the kitchen and cleared his throat.

"So, uh, you know where Cas is?"

"Well, I'm guessing he was a little upset over what happened last night because he took off like a bat out of Hell this morning before the sun was even up. He barely took the time to tell me he'd be back after he checked on some stuff."

Dean shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He didn't want to seem too eager, but he really wanted to know when Castiel was going to be back again.

"So he didn't say when he'd be back?" Dean couldn't help but ask. He tried to make it sound casual, but he inwardly cringed at how needy he sounded.

Bobby turned away from the sink and arched an eyebrow at him.

"You're pretty eager for him to get back. Something going on I should know about?"

For a split second Dean seriously considered telling Bobby everything. He was growing tired of keeping all these feelings bottled up inside and he really wanted someone else's take on what he should do about.

Then the second passed and he realized just how ludicrous of an idea that was.

"Nah, nothing. I mean, I just feel bad about what happened last night and want to make sure he's OK."

Bobby looked at him skeptically and Dean wondered for a minute if the older hunter was going to call him on it. Instead, Bobby just sighed and shook his head as he turned back to the sink.

"You know what? I don't wanna know. You and Castiel are the ones who need to figure things out between you two. I'm just here to give advice and make sure you don't get yourself killed!"

Dean couldn't help but grin at Bobby's words. He got up and deposited his now empty cup in the sink and patted Bobby on the back.

"Thanks, Bobby."

"Don't mention it."

Dean trotted back up stairs, figuring he could take a quick shower and then start hitting the books again. As he was getting ready, however, he heard his cell phone signal he had just received a new text message. Figuring it was Sam he went over and flipped the phone open to read it.

_Hi baby its brandy frm d bar a few wks ago. Remmbr me?_

Dean frowned for a minute, first from trying to figure out what the heck the message even said. Then he was trying to remember who Brandy was.

Brandy… Brandy… oh!

Dean couldn't help the smirk as he sat on the bed and texted her back

_Yeah I remember. Whats up?_

He pulled out the clothes he was going to wear for the day while he waited for her to respond. To his surprise, it didn't take her long.

_Vaca cut short. Ill b in twn agn. Wanna h%k up?_

Again, it took Dean a minute to translate what she had written (couldn't people just write normal?). He then began mulling the idea of going and "hooking up" again. She had been really good action and she wasn't one of those girls who wanted to hang around the next day which was always a relief. But then, he couldn't exactly go running off just to get some tail.

_I dunno. Been busy._

That was nice and vague enough. A minute later his phone buzzed again.

_Waznt it gud lst tym?_

Dean grinned.

_Oh yeah. But have stuff. Can I get back 2 u?_

A minute later came the response in the form of a picture message. Frowning, Dean opened it and his eyes became as big as saucers. The picture was of a _very_ topless Brandy smiling and holding up a sign that read: _Tell me soon._

_Oh hell yeah I'll tell you soon!_ Dean thought to himself. He ran his hand through his hair and made his way to the bathroom with a huge grin on his face.

* * *

Castiel sat in the middle of the forest on one of the large rocks. It was a quiet place, untouched by humans. He enjoyed this spot as it gave him the opportunity to get away from things long enough to think about them.

Reliving the experience of what had happened with Anna had been far more painful then he could ever have imagined. He had thought he had moved past it, but reliving it forced him to experience every ounce of terror and confusion the event had caused. Knowing Dean had seen and experienced it as he had made it ten times worse.

He knew it had been coming. The memories themselves had occurred at random, but with some form of order and relation. He realized when the first memory with Anna began what would probably come next. He had tried to stop it, but only before she was to reveal his secret that he was final able to break his connection with Dean.

Castiel wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't bear this existence where everything was complicated by feelings and emotions. He wanted the order that he had when he was a soldier in Heaven. He wanted everything he was supposed to do be told to him so that there was no question or doubts.

He loved Dean. With every fiber of his being he loved Dean. But he couldn't be the lover Dean needed him to be. As much as he loved this world, he couldn't be a part of it. He was never meant to be a part of it.

* * *

Dean had finished his shower and gotten dressed. He was going through his duffle bag, looking for his dad's journal when he suddenly heard someone clear his throat. Startled, Dean turned to see Castiel standing in the middle of the room. Dean's initial joy at seeing the angel quickly faded when he took in his appearance. Castiel's eyes were downcast and he was obviously distraught.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said uneasily. "Are you OK?"

He saw Castiel swallow hard before he slowly shook his head.

"No… no, I'm not."

Dean took a step towards him. "Look… Cas, if this is about last night-"

Castiel put his hand up and took a small step back, as if afraid of being too close to Dean.

"No… it… it's not just last night. I realized something today… I realized that Bobby was right… my presence here… with you… it is too dangerous… I endanger you every time I am with you… I've decided that after Jasper is dealt with I will be returning to Heaven. I don't belong here."

The room fell silent. Dean felt like someone had punched him in the gut and knocked all the air out of him. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he was able to speak.

"Whoa… wait… I don't understand…" Dean shook his head in disbelief. "Did I do something wrong? Did I piss you off somehow?"

Castiel finally looked at him and Dean was surprised to see the pained look on his face.

"You did nothing to anger me, Dean," Castiel said quietly.

"So why can't we be friends like we were before? I know we got close before. I can tell from what Bobby's said. So what's happened this time to change that? Because I don't remember?"

Castiel shook his head desperately.

"Please… Dean… it is nothing you have done. I swear it. I just… I don't belong in your world. I am an angel of the Lord and it is time that I accept that role for what it is. I will help you with Jasper, but we must then part ways."

Before Dean had the chance to even respond the angel was gone. His mouth still agape in disbelief he sat down on the bed. He felt as though someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and shattered it into a million pieces. The pain was so strong and so deep that he actually began shaking with grief. He buried his face in his hands and it took every ounce of self control not to start screaming with hurt and rage. He felt his face become wet and he realized that hot tears had begun rolling down his cheeks in small rivulets.

This was wrong. This felt so incredibly wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Sure, Dean hadn't expected Castiel to fall to his knees and declare his undying love for him or anything like that, but he had thought he would at least have time. Time to continue to get to know him. Time to redevelop the relationship they had once had. Time to at least figure out how he felt about him.

But now that appeared to be over. Apparently Castiel wanted nothing to do with him and was on the next flight back to Heaven as soon as Jasper was ganked.

Dean stood up, his emotions boiling over to the point where he threw his duffle bag across the room with a yell. He then looked around the room, desperate for something, anything, to help take away the pain.

His eyes fell on the cell phone sitting on the nightstand. Grabbing it he flipped it opened and scrolled through the necessary screens. He then began typing.

_When will u b here?_

He clutched the phone in his hand like it was his lifeline. To his relief it soon buzzed a response.

_Around 2_

He looked at the clock at the nightstand and saw that it was almost one in the afternoon. He nodded as he wrote her back.

_Ill tell u where ill b_

He began throwing his belongings in the duffle bag and zipped it closed when it was full. He needed to go. He needed to leave. He didn't care anymore if there were demons trying to hunt him down. They could kill him for all he cared. It didn't matter anymore.

He threw on his jacket and grabbed the car keys. He knew Bobby was out in the salvage yard working on something. The older hunter had told him earlier that he had to work on car today, but would take the evening to do more research. That would give Dean the chance to take off without him knowing about it until later.

Dean threw his duffle into the back seat of the Impala and he climbed into the front. Part of him wanted to chuck the cell phone out the window, but he would need it to get in touch with Brandy. He didn't want to talk to Bobby or Sam or anyone else. He wanted to get drunk as hell and screw his brains out.

He tore out of the driveway and down the road. He was about half a mile from the house when the phone buzzed.

_C u soon._

******************************************************************************

Yeah… I totally blame all this angst on watching "On the Head of a Pin" tonight. I've got a LOT of action planned and decided to just get right to it! ; )


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Dean checked over the devil's trap he had drawn under the carpet in front of the door while taking another swig of the now half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand. He then went through and checked all the salt lines he had put down and all the other protection symbols he had put up.

On the way to the motel he had bought two bottles of Jack Daniels with the intention of getting as drunk as possible in the quickest amount of time possible. Initially he wasn't going to even bother with any of the protection wards, but the hunter in him won out and so after he texted Brandy he had gone through and demon proofed the room. Figured it would kind of spoil the mood if he got attacked by demons right in the middle of having sex.

He felt like shit and the alcohol was only accentuating that fact. He really didn't want to be in this motel room waiting for this girl. He didn't want to be drunk and fumbling for the TV remote and worried about dropping his alcohol. He wanted to be back at Bobby's. He wanted Castiel to be by his side. He wanted to see all of the memories Castiel had of them together from before.

Dean snorted in disgust at himself while he flipped through the channels. Why the hell did it matter so much to him whether or not Castiel cared about him? Really, he barely knew him! He had only met him just a couple weeks ago. And besides, he was an angel! He wasn't even a human being. Why should he expect an _angel_ to want to actually hang out on Earth just for _him?_ Especially after seeing just what kind of a person he had become while in Hell. Yeah, he didn't stay that person, but what if he hadn't been rescued? He would have become a monster, a demon; just like the ones he's fought his whole life.

He was screwed up and Castiel knew it. Probably only had only hung around this long because he felt sorry for him.

Dean stared at the images flickering across the TV without really seeing them. The bottle in his hand was quickly reaching the point of being empty as he kept putting it to his lips and swallowing the dark liquid, letting it burn down his throat. Its effects were only heightened by the fact that he still hadn't eaten today, the only thing inside of him was the coffee he had drank at Bobby's. Truthfully, Dean preferred it that way.

He began thinking about where he was going to go after this. No way in hell was he going back to Bobby's. He couldn't handle the thought of seeing Sam and Amanda together and happy and in love right now. And he _really _couldn't handle the thought of ever having to see Castiel ever again, reminding him that there was really no one out there for him. That he really was destined to be alone. Maybe he could cross the border and hide out in Mexico for awhile. He had the fake passport to get him there. And no one would ever think to look for him there. He could just lie on the beach and get drunk as hell all day every day.

Sounded good to him.

Suddenly, a scream broke into Dean's daydream, jerking him quickly back to reality. Despite his drunkenness, his hunter instincts kicked in and he was on his feet with his gun in his hands in two seconds flat. He heard the scream again and this time he realized someone was screaming his name from outside. Clicking the safety off Dean went to the door and slowly cracked it open, ready to fire.

His stomach dropped when he saw the scene outside.

It was Brandy, her eyes wide in terror as she struggled against her captor, a large burly man that Dean immediately recognized as one of Jasper's cronies from the bar. The demon had a tight grip on her and was holding a knife to her neck.

"Dean! Dean, help me! Please! He's crazy! He's going to kill me!" Brandy screamed and sobbed.

Dean leveled the gun at the demon, wishing desperately for the Colt at that moment. He could only hope that if he did shoot the demon that it would distract it enough to let Brandy go so she could get away.

"Let her go!" Dean yelled. "Come on, she's not the one you want!"

"No, but she sure helps us get what we want!" The demon sneered. "Come on out of there or I'll slit her throat!"

Dean's mind raced frantically, trying to figure out what to do. The way Brandy was being held there was no way he could get a clean shot of the demon, like it would do any good anyways. But then he got an idea.

"Let her go," Dean called out warningly, "Or I'll call the angel in!"

The sneer on the demon's face instantly fell away. A wave of relief washed over Dean as he let go of Brandy and she began running towards the motel room.

"This isn't over, Winchester! We know where you are now! Jasper's gonna find you!"

"Good!" Dean yelled back. "I'll be waiting for him!"

Dean stepped over the door's threshold as Brandy ran up to him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you! Thank you!" she sobbed fearfully. "He was going to kill me!"

"It's OK," Dean said, his eyes darting around, looking for any other demons that could be lurking around. "Get inside and I'll call for some help!"

Brandy went around him and Dean looked back at the demon that was still standing there. To his surprise, the demon no longer looked angry or concerned. Instead, he had a knowing smirk on his face.

"What are you laughing at?" Dean asked as he began backing up.

"You," Came Brandy's voice from behind him, no longer sounding distraught.

Dean began to turn in confusion when he felt something hit him in the head, knocking him out cold. He collapsed to the ground, his gun tumbling out of his hand.

Brandy stood behind him, smirking gleefully while absentmindedly rubbing the fist she used to hit him. The other demon quickly ran over and hoisted Dean over his shoulder.

"We gotta move now before that angel realizes something's up!" the demon said.

Brandy nodded and pulled a small satchel out of her pocket and stuffed it into Dean's mouth. They then carried his body to the awaiting van that was parked behind some trees, threw him inside, and took off down the road.

* * *

Castiel frowned. Something was wrong. He had been forcing himself not to think about Dean or what he was doing. He had made his choice and he was determined to stick with it. It wasn't fair to Dean if he kept waffling back and forth.

But he hadn't been able to shake the initial feeling that something was wrong. Something seriously wrong. And what alarmed Castiel even more was when he tried to locate Dean he couldn't find him. It was as if he was being hidden.

Castiel immediately went to Bobby's house and appeared in Dean's room. He then saw that Dean's things were gone. The keys to the Impala were gone as well. Castiel quickly ran out of the room and down the stairs, searching for Dean as he went. When he reached the kitchen he ran into Bobby coming in through the back door.

"Where's Dean?" Castiel demanded his voice tense with concern.

Bobby stared at Castiel, startled.

"What are you talking about? He's around here somewhere."

"No, he's not. His things are gone and the car is gone. He's not here."

"Son of a bitch!" Bobby yelled. He ran to the front of the house and looked outside, confirming that the Impala was really gone. "Why in God's name would he just take off like that without saying anything?! That damn idgit!"

He ran his hand over his face when he suddenly froze. He slowly turned and looked at Castiel.

"What did you do?" Bobby growled furiously.

Castiel looked at him startled. "What?"

"You heard me, Angel," Bobby hissed as he began moving towards him. "Just what in the _hell_ did you say to that boy!? There're only two things that would have made Dean take off like that! One was something happened to Sammy, and he would have told me about that! The other is you said some damn foolish thing that riled him up! So what did you do!?"

Bobby instantly knew he was right when he saw the look of guilt cross Castiel's face. The angel swallowed hard before dropping his gaze.

"I… told him that after Jasper was killed I would be returning to Heaven," Castiel said quietly.

Bobby stared dumbfounded at Castiel for a minute, completely silent. Then his expression changed to one of unbridled fury. With a roar of rage he ran forward and grabbed Castiel by the lapels of his coat and slammed him up against the wall with such force that the house shook. Castiel was too stunned to react.

_"YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?"_ Bobby bellowed furiously. "That boy has been smitten with you from the moment he laid eyes on you in that god damn bar a month ago! This morning he was sitting at the kitchen table like some kind of lovelorn teenager askin' me when you'd be back and how long you'd be! He's in love with you and you told him you're _LEAVING!?"_

"I had no choice!" Castiel yelled back. "I don't belong here with him! He'll be better off without me!"

Bobby laughed bitterly. "Better off!? He's taken off, Castiel! We don't know where he is! Does that sound better off to you?"

He let go of Castiel's coat and shook his head bitterly.

"I know what your problem is, Castiel, and it's not that you think Dean will be better off without you because you damn well know that's not true! You're afraid! You're afraid of opening yourself up to him again because of all that crap that happened in the past! Well, _GET OVER IT!!!_ You need to stop thinking about every damn thing that could go wrong or has gone wrong and just realize that you can actually deal better with those things _together!_ That's what love is! You work together and help each other through all the crap life hands you. And you start by being honest with each other!"

Castiel stared at him silently before nodding slowly in understanding. Bobby frowned sternly.

"Good. About time you got it! Now help me figure out where the hell he went. Cuz when we get him back I'm sitting the two of you down together and I will personally make sure you two tell each other _everything!_ No more of this pansy secret keeping nonsense!"

Not knowing what else to do Castiel nodded again.

"I… I'll try to find out where he was before he disappeared," Castiel managed to stammer out.

"Good. You do that," Bobby said firmly. "I'll call Sam; see if maybe Dean called him."

Castiel disappeared quickly. Bobby collapsed into a nearby chair and shook his head.

"Stupid idgits!"

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So I like to think of Bobby as the practical voice of my loyal readers. He tells Dean and Castiel everything you want to! ; )

If you're all good little boys and girls I may be able to do one more chapter tonight. We'll see!


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Castiel arrived at the motel where he could last sense Dean's presence. It was an old, run-down motel and would almost have appeared abandoned except for the neon _vacancy_ sign under the motel's main sign. Immediately Castiel could smell the sulfur still lingering in the air. His stomach sank knowing that the demons had either just been here or were still here hiding somewhere.

He made his way to the main office first, hoping that perhaps the motel's owner would have some information. As walked through the door, however, his hope fell. The office had nearly been destroyed. The desk and chair turned over, papers everywhere. But what were most noticeable were the blood splatters that covered everything in the room. Castiel found the owner on the floor; his face froze in a look of horror, his heart having been ripped out of his chest.

Castiel turned and immediately walked back outside and began making his way around to the back of the motel. His heart leaped into his throat when he saw the Impala parked in front of one of the rooms, as if waiting patiently for Dean to get back. As he drew closer he saw the motel room door was partially opened and Dean's gun was lying a few feet away. Trembling from the emotions he could feel welling up inside of him Castiel picked up the weapon before entering the room.

For the most part the room was arranged the same way Castiel had always seen Dean set up any room they had stayed in. Castiel could see the salt lines laid out in front of the door and along the window sills. Without even looking he could feel the presence of several devil's traps beneath him and hidden in several other locations. Dean's duffle bag was sitting on one of the empty beds and the other bed was slightly rumpled, as if it had been sat on, but not slept in. The TV was on and the remote was sitting on the bed where Dean had been sitting. Castiel then saw the almost empty bottle of Jack Daniel's on the nightstand.

And then he saw the cell phone.

Castiel picked it up and flipped it open. It took him a minute to remember how to use it, but soon he was able to look into Dean's applications. He saw there had been no recent phone calls to or from the phone. He then checked the text messages hoping that perhaps there would be some clues there.

Sure enough, there were several messages from a phone number Castiel didn't recognize. He frowned as he opened one of the first ones that were sent. His frown deepened as he couldn't decipher what the message said.

Flipping the phone shut he quickly searched the room for any other clues, but came up empty handed. He then closed his eyes and waved his hand and when he opened them the room was restored to order. Castiel made sure to send Dean's belongings and the Impala back to Bobby's, leaving no evidence of his presence there. He then decided to go find some people who might be able to read the messages on Dean's phone.

* * *

Sam sped down the highway as fast as was legally possible, his eyes narrowed and focused on the road in front of him. Amanda sat in the passenger seat, drumming her fingers anxiously on the armrest.

"We'll find him, Sam," she said for what felt like the hundredth time to Sam. "He wouldn't have gone far without telling anyone."

"Yeah he would," Sam said miserably. "He would if he's pissed off, like he was last night."

"Castiel will find him. Even if he's trying to hide from us, Castiel is an angel. He'll be able to find him."

"I haven't been able to yet," Castiel said from the back seat.

"Son of a -!" Sam yelled as the car swerved from his surprise at Castiel's unexpected appearance. Amanda nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Sorry," Castiel said stoically. "I have something I needed to ask you about."

"Castiel… it's OK, just… give us some warning OK?" Sam said with a sigh.

Amanda frowned as she turned around to face Castiel. "What is it you needed?"

Castiel passed her the cell phone. "Dean received some messages from someone prior to him going missing. But I don't recognize the number nor can I understand the messages. They seem to be written in some form of code."

Sam cocked his head curiously as he looked at Castiel in the rearview mirror. "You know how to use a cell phone?"

"Dean taught me. Well… he taught me before."

Amanda took the phone and began looking through the messages. She couldn't help but smile a little.

"Castiel, it's written in text messaging. It's shorthand."

Castiel frowned. "It doesn't make sense."

"Well, I can read it. This one says _Hi baby it's brandy from the bar a few weeks ago. Remember me?_"

Castiel's eyes lit up with realization.

"Brandy. That was a woman Dean met at the bar where we first met. I mean… met this time."

Amanda nodded as she went to the next message.

"Says her vacation got cut short and she's going to be in town again. She asked him if he wanted to hook up."

"Hook up?" Castiel asked quizzically.

Sam cleared his throat. "She… uh… means get together to… uh… well… have sex."

Neither hunter noticed the flash of pain cross Castiel's face.

"I see… what else do the messages say?"

"Well, the next one says…" she pulled up the next message. "Oh… um… well, she… uh… asked if it was good the last time."

Sam squirmed uncomfortably in the driver's seat.

"Amanda, there had better be something on there that helps us find Dean because this is reeeally uncomfortable for me!"

She chuckled. "Sorry, Sam."

She went to the next message. "Oh. This one is a picture message."

Amanda opened it. Her eyes then nearly popped out of her head and her cheeks turned bright pink.

"Oh! Oh… my! I… um… I guess this is Brandy!"

Sam looked at her and frowned. "What's wrong? Let me see."

Amanda held the phone away from him and scowled.

"Absolutely not! She's naked holding up a sign!"

Sam let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, that sounds like something some girl would send Dean."

Castiel took the phone from Amanda. At first glance he saw it was definitely the girl from the bar and she was most definitely naked. He felt his cheeks grow warm with embarrassment.

Then something caught his eye.

He looked closer at the picture and realized something was off. Using the zoom function he began zooming in on her eyes until they were the only things on the screen.

They were jet black.

"She was possessed."

* * *

The first thing Dean was aware of when he began to come to was the putrid smell of decaying flesh. The second thing was the sound of someone crying nearby. The third was that his head hurt like hell.

Dean groaned as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position, but found he couldn't as his arms were tied behind his back. He tried to stretch out his stiffened legs, but as he did he heard the heavy jiggle of chains. He looked down and saw a heavy metal manacle clamped tightly around both of his ankles and attach to the floor. He was also gagged with something cloth-like in his mouth and then another gag over it.

As his vision cleared he saw Brandy huddled in the corner, crying. On the other side of the room he could see the dead body of a girl. It was apparent from the smell and her appearance that she had been dead for at least a week, if not more. It was hard to tell in the dimly lit room, but Dean was almost positive that it was one of the girls he had seen Brandy with at the bar that night.

Suddenly the door to the room opened. Dean squinted against the glare of the light that spilled in. He heard Brandy whimper fearfully and scurry tighter into the corner. He saw the demon that had been at the motel come in and begin unshackling his ankles, saying nothing. Instead he hauled Dean to his feet and dragged him out the door and into the main room. Dean saw that the building they were in was some old warehouse and the room he had been in was some sort of storage room. He was dragged to the middle of the room and deposited into a chair. As the demon was tying him down to it Dean saw another familiar figure walk out. It was Jasper and from the smile on his face he was quite pleased with himself.

"Dean Winchester. Isn't this a pleasant surprise?" Jasper said coolly as he stood in front of Dean.

Dean merely looked at him, the gag still in place. Jasper chuckled.

"Of course. Where are my manners? Cresil, ungag him please."

Cresil removed the gag, finally allowing Dean to take in a deep breath.

"Thanks," Dean managed to croak out between parched lips. "I was wondering when I'd get the chance to call you a dick to your face."

Jasper chuckled. "Think you're pretty tough now, Winchester? I personally know for a fact that you're not."

Dean shrugged nonchalantly. "True. I admit I did get a little choked up when Bambi's mother got shot."

Jasper sighed. "As much as I enjoy this small talk, Winchester, I do have bigger plans that I'm quite eager to get to."

"Great. So you plan on filling me in? I assume you're gonna kill me and be the named the Big Bad Demon Who Offed Dean Winchester?"

The demon smirked. He leaned forward close to Dean's face and rested one hand on the back of the chair.

"That's a nice thought, Winchester. Very nice. And as badly as I want you dead, there's a few things I want to see happen more. You see, because of you my Master got locked back up. And I lost everything. So you can imagine just how pissed off that makes me."

He straightened back up and began slowly walking around the chair as he spoke.

"So while I was down in the Pit I decided I was going to make the ones responsible pay for what they had done. Not just to me of course, but to my Master. I vowed I would get my revenge."

"Great. So you have me."

Jasper let out an annoyed huff and punched Dean across the face.

"No!" Jasper growled. "No, _you_ are just merely one part of the plan! You think I'd go through all this trouble, all this planning just for you?! A mere human piece of shit!"

Dean gasped as the pain throbbed across his face while he glared at Jasper.

"So what is it you want?"

Jasper knelt down in front of Dean and a sick smile touched his lips.

"I want Castiel. I'm going to get him here. And I'm gonna punish him. I'm gonna tear him apart for what he did to his brother. I'm going to make sure he suffers just as much as he made my Master suffer before I kill him."

Before Dean had the chance to respond Jasper reached up and grabbed Dean by the throat.

"And you're gonna help me get him here."

Dean felt his stomach drop to the floor. He refused to show his fear, though. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and glared at Jasper.

"No."

Jasper smirked. "Oh yes you will. And you have a choice, Winchester. We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way." He leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "And I do personally hope you pick the hard way. I can have a lot more fun with that!"

Dean's heart jack hammered in his chest, but he refused to back down.

"Then I guess you get to have your fun," Dean growled back. "Because I will never betray him!"

Jasper's sick smile broadened. "Oh good. Then let's play."

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Yes, I am being ultra-evil writer and leaving it a cliffy here! *laughs an evil maniacal laugh* One, well, it's just a really evil place to leave it. Reason two is mainly because I now have to decide just what is gonna go down in all this! I mean, I know to some extent. Just need to figure out how to write it!

I will warn y'all now, though, next chapter or two could be fairly graphic for my squeamish readers! So brace yourselves now! : )


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The torture began routinely enough. Well, as routine as Dean expected torture by demons to be. Jasper's two flunkies took turns beating him, pounding their fists into his face, his ribs, anywhere they could reach. They then took each of his fingers, snapping the bone in each one while Jasper calmly watched. Dean screamed in agony, but refused to give in to his tormentors. He had made up his mind that he would die before he would let Castiel be led into a trap.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Jasper rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively.

"Enough of this. I think he's been… _tenderized_ enough for the next phase."

Dean couldn't help the wave of anxiety course through him. Next phase?

Jasper calmly walked over to Dean and studied him carefully, a mock look of concern on his face.

"My goodness, Winchester. Looks like you got worked over pretty bad," Jasper said with a sigh as he shook his head sadly. "Are you sure that you want to continue this little game? I assure you that it is about to get much worse for you."

Dean glared at him with hatred as he spat out a mouthful of blood.

"Fuck off."

Jasper shrugged. "Very well."

He motioned for one of the demons to come forward. Dean saw the demon roll over a cart that had various tubes, needles, and syringes on top of it.

"So what's all that?" Dean asked, trying to stay calm. "I'm up to date on all my shots, thanks."

Jasper chuckled as he snapped on a pair of latex gloves.

"Did I ever mention what I did before all this began? Back before I let myself get stuck in a dead end job?"

"Can't say you have," Dean replied tersely.

Jasper picked up a tourniquet. Pushing up Dean's sleeve, he carefully and expertly applied the tourniquet and began looking over Dean's arm.

"I was in med school. I was pretty good at it too," he replied. He picked up a needle and then held it over Dean's arm. "This might pinch."

Before Dean could even protest Jasper slid the needle into the vein and began taping it in place. Smiling smugly he hooked up a small IV tube to the hub and then injected a clear liquid into it.

"Perfect," Jasper murmured to himself. "I loved med school, but I had a bit of a… well, drinking problem, you could say. Flunked out. So I had to make do with getting a piece of shit office job."

The demon smiled proudly though. "But, as you can see, I never lost my touch! It's just like riding a bicycle!"

Jasper looked Dean in the eye while the hunter merely glared back at him. Suddenly, Jasper's smiled changed into one that was far more sinister.

"I think, Dean Winchester, it's time for you to take a little nap. How about that?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Dean snapped back.

Jasper picked up one of the syringes and Dean watched him draw another clear liquid from one of the vials.

"Here we go, Winchester," Jasper murmured as he began injecting the liquid into the IV. "This should make you feel so much better!"

Dean opened his mouth to protest when he suddenly felt himself grow lightheaded. He tried to blink the room back into focus as it began to tilt and spin around him.

"W-w-what…isssss that…?" Dean slurred as he tried to stay awake.

"Hydromorphone," Jasper replied with a smirk. "A rather potent narcotic for pain. Tell me, Winchester, how is your pain now?"

Dean could still feel the throbbing in his hands and ribs, but it was already nowhere near what it had been before.

"I… I don't…" Dean managed to mumble as his eyes lids drooped.

"You looked tense, Winchester." Jasper picked up another syringe and injected it into the IV. "Have a little Lorazepam. Relax… go to sleep…"

Dean desperately tried to fight it. He didn't want to sleep. He didn't know what Jasper was going to do to him, but he wanted to be awake enough to be aware of it when it happened, to at least make an attempt to fight it. But the drugs now coursing through his bloodstream were making the task increasingly impossible. His stomach churned and he felt himself begin to dry heave. He heard Jasper tsk in dismay.

"Oh no no! Can't have that!" Jasper said as he injected another liquid into the IV. "There we are. That should take of that. Good night, Dean Winchester."

The nausea that was twisting his stomach began to subside and Dean's head dropped forward. To weak and exhausted to fight it any longer Dean slipped into unconsciousness.

Jasper giggled gleefully to himself. Taking a pair of bandage scissors he began cutting off Dean's shirt.

"Cresil, go get the rest of the equipment," Jasper demanded.

Cresil disappeared for a moment before returning wheeling another cart in front of him. On top of the cart sat a defibrillator and an oxygen tank. Jasper nodded approvingly as he began placing electrode stickers on Dean's chest in various locations. The two other demons watched him hesitantly.

"Um… Boss? Why are we lettin' him sleep?" Cresil asked uneasily.

Jasper sighed in annoyance, but didn't look up from his work.

"Because," he replied, sounding like he was talking to a child, "I need to allow his body to rest at least a little bit before we begin. I don't want to kill him straight away."

Within minutes Jasper had everything hooked up. He flicked on the defibrillator and Dean's heartbeat could be seen on the screen. Nodding with satisfaction, Jasper picked up another syringe and injected the liquid into the IV. He watched Dean's breathing become slower and the time lengthened in between breaths.

"I got to play with a lot of fun medications in med school," Jasper said as he began setting up the oxygen tank. "You wanna know which one I enjoyed the most? Narcan."

Jasper placed the nasal cannula in Dean's nose and hooked the tubing around the sleeping man's ears before turning it on.

"Narcan is quite the amazing drug. We use it in the medical field to negate the effects of narcotic agents. When the patient isn't breathing correctly or their heart rate or blood pressure drops dangerously low as a result of too many narcotics we can give it to them to reverse the effects."

Dean's breaths became more shallow and slower. His heart rate on the monitor continued to drop steadily. Jasper calmly reached over and picked up another syringe.

"But the best part is watching the patient when you give it. You see, the medicine takes away all the effects of the narcotics. That includes the pain relief."

With a smirk Jasper quickly injected the medicine into the IV. Its effects took place within seconds. Suddenly Dean took in a huge gasp of air as he head snapped up and his eyes became huge. He let out a bloodcurdling scream of agony as his body twisted and lurched in the chair, the bonds holding him in place digging painfully into his flesh causing blood to seep around the edges. Jasper and the two demons howled with laughter as they watched,

"Good morning, Winchester! Ready for some more fun? Let's wake you up a little more!"

Jasper quickly injected another syringe into Dean's IV. Suddenly, Dean felt like his heart was about to explode out of his chest. He began gasping for air, a wave of panic rushing over him. The heart monitor began alarming as his heart rate began to skyrocket. Jasper continued to laugh gleefully.

"Isn't this fun, Winchester? Not such a tough guy now, are we? Come on, Winchester! Where's the smart ass comments you always have ready? Come on!"

Dean couldn't get enough air to respond. Sweat poured down his face and his panic was growing more overwhelming as he stared at the heart monitor, watching his heart rate climb ever higher. He was positive that if he looked down he would see his heart pounding out of his rib cage. He was dying. He knew any second his heart would explode and he would be dead.

Finally, Jasper grabbed another syringe and injected it. To Dean's relief he began to feel his heart rate start to slow down. He watched on the monitor as it dropped, his breathing finally becoming less labored. Dean closed his eyes and his head dropped forward in exhaustion. Jasper, however, grabbed Dean by the chin and forced his head up. Grabbing another syringe off the cart he held it in front of Dean's face. Dean could see the liquid inside was a dark red color and he could swear that he could see it swirling around in the syringe.

"Now this, Winchester, this here's a special one. You won't find this in any hospital. This one I brewed up special just for you and that angel of yours. Now, before I give it to you, would you like to change your mind? Give that Castiel a little shout and this can all be over."

Dean looked at Jasper, but the glint of determination was still there despite his agony.

"Fuck… you…" Dean managed to wheeze out.

Jasper sighed and shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

Jasper injected the liquid into the IV and calmly stepped back, watching Dean intently. A first, nothing happened. Dean didn't feel anything.

And then it struck.

Dean let out a scream of sheer agony as it felt like someone had just set fire to him. He fought against the bonds holding him fast to the wooden chair that creaked in protest. The room rapidly faded into darkness and he could begin to hear noises, unearthly noises that filled him with unimaginable terror.

He was back in Hell. The screams of the damned echoed around him in a tormented chorus. Grief filled him as he watched demons rip apart souls in front of him, laughing manically and the ones suffering wailed. One of the demons approached Dean, a delighted look on his face.

"Welcome back, Dean Winchester," it hissed at him. "No one's going to save you now! That angel knows the sick, pervert thoughts you had about him! He's not gonna save you this time!"

The demon threw his head back as he laughed while Dean felt tears of helplessness roll down his face. Other demons began to draw near and began taunting him as well.

"Look at the little bitch cry. Not so tough now that he knows what a worthless piece of shit that he is! He's just a monster, just like us! He was one of us once! We're gonna make sure he is again!"

Dean struggled to escape, his throat constricting making it impossible for him to scream. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't go through Hell again. At least before he had the faint glimmer of hope that he could cling to. That it wouldn't be forever. But not this time. This time all hope had been ripped from him. He was alone.

"Nobody to help you now, Dean! Sam's moved on with that little slut of his. He doesn't care about you anymore! Bobby will be glad to not have to deal with your pathetic problems anymore. And the angel… he's so disgusted by you. That's why he said he was leaving once all this was over. You make him sick just looking at you. You sick perverted fuck. You wanted to fuck an angel! Only a sick freak would want to do something like that! Now he can go back Heaven and forget about you!"

Dean couldn't stop the sobs that shook his body. Everything they were saying was true. He was nothing but a sick monster. He was just as bad as they were. He didn't deserve Castiel.

He looked up and suddenly he saw Castiel standing off in the distance. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the angel looking at him, but his heart sank when he noticed the look of pure revulsion on his face.

"Cas…" Dean whispered.

"You were a mistake," Castiel said harshly. "I should never have rescued you."

The angel turned and began to walk away. Dean couldn't bear it anymore. He could bear the fear, the pain, the suffering. He needed his angel. He needed to hold him, to be told everything would be alright. That his angel would make everything alright.

"Cas… please…" Dean whimpered weakly. His voice was weak at first, but slowly grew in intensity. "Don't leave me… please… don't leave me, Cas… come back… come back… I need you… CASTIEL!!!"

* * *

Jasper smiled triumphantly at the two flunkies as he began moving things aside.

"Get ready, boys. We're about to have a visitor."

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Hope that turned out OK. Having a hard time getting what's in my head written down. *sigh*

More to come soon! : )


	21. Chapter 21

Reposting because there was a minor mistake someone pointed out to me and, well, it was bugging the hell out of me so I fixed it! Lol!

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Chapter 21

Castiel could feel Dean's screams and suffering deep inside of him. The pain was so intense that it literally dropped the angel to his knees and sent tears streaming down his cheeks. He could hear Dean scream for him, the desperation in his voice cutting through Castiel like a knife. He could feel Dean's fear with every fiber of his being and the angel wanted nothing more than to take his former lover in his arms and reassure him that he would make everything alright.

But he knew it was a trap.

Castiel knew there was no way the demons would have kept Dean so well hidden only to allow him to reveal his location during a time when he would most likely call for his angel. He knew that Jasper was far too smart to make such an error. They wanted Castiel to locate Dean. They wanted Castiel to come for him.

The angel buried his face into his hands, overwhelmed with both the choice he had to make and Dean's emotions that flooded his mind. He knew Jasper's powers had grown exponentially during his time in Hell, his thirst for revenge only serving to fuel him on. Castiel knew the demon had carefully planned his attack and would eliminate any possibility of Castiel having any opportunity to defeat him.

It was a suicide mission. He couldn't hope to win this on his own.

But he couldn't leave Dean there to suffer and die at the hands of this monster. Castiel would sooner throw his own life away than allow that to happen.

He pulled out Dean's cell phone from his pocket. He had kept it with him in case Bobby or Sam needed to contact him. But now he would need it to contact them. He dialed Bobby's number and held the phone to his ear. Finally, Bobby's gruff voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Bobby. It's me. I've located Dean."

"Where is he?"

"Spirit Lake, Iowa. In an abandoned warehouse."

"I'll get there as soon as I can."

"He won't be alive by then. He's already dying."

Castiel heard the line go silent for a moment before Bobby finally cleared his throat.

"So what do I do?"

"Get a hold of Sam and Amanda and all of you come out here. I will go in alone. I may be able to buy us some time."

"Castiel… this is a trap. I can feel it in gut."

"I know."

"Can you take them on your own?"

"It's highly unlikely."

"Damn it, Castiel! Dean wouldn't want you to throw everything away for him like this!"

"Dean no longer has a choice in what actions I take now. I will not stand by any longer. Get here as soon as you can."

Castiel hung up the phone and turned it off. He slipped it back into his pocket as he arrived at the warehouse, his face a picture of determination. As he approached the building he could smell the stench of demons everywhere. He could see the symbols painted on the outside walls that would provide the demons with protection. Castiel knew that he would be able to walk inside, but would not be able to walk back out without great difficulty.

As he walked along the outside of the building he heard a soft whimper. He turned and saw a large metal vent that came from inside. The sobs echoed through the vent. Castiel realized the crying was a female's, probably Brandy's.

And then he had an idea.

Touching the vent with his right hand Castiel carefully unscrewed the cover with his powers and set it aside. He then closed his eyes and in his mind traveled the length of the vent to where it opened into a small room. He saw Brandy in the corner as well the body of another girl. He carefully loosened the screws holding the vent in place, but not removing them entirely. He didn't want the demons to know his plans.

Once satisfied Castiel continued to the door and, taking a deep breath, walked inside. As he made his way down the corridor he could hear the muffled moans coming through a doorway. Castiel entered into a large room where he saw Dean sitting tied down to a wooden chair. Castiel's stomach dropped as he almost could barely recognize the hunter. Dean's face was swollen, bruised, and bloodied. His head lolled to the side as he was too weak to hold it up. Dean's hands were swollen almost twice their usual size and bruised as well. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a pair of blood-soaked jeans. As Castiel drew closer he could hear Dean's shallow gasps for air as well as low moans of pain.

On the floor surrounding Dean's chair Castiel could see a multitude of various inscriptions that he was quite familiar with. He knew once he stepped into that area he would be weakened severely. He would still have his powers, but he would be limited.

Dean let out another whimper of pain and that was all it took for Castiel to make his choice. He slowly approached Dean and knelt before him, cupping his cheek gently with his hand.

"Dean," Castiel said quietly, rubbing his thumb gently across Dean's cheek. "Dean, look at me."

Dean's eyes fluttered open for a moment, staring blankly at Castiel before closing again. Castiel looked around the room for any signs of Jasper, but all was quiet. He knew it was only a matter of time before Jasper showed up, but he knew he had to try and help Dean first. There wasn't enough time, nor did he have the strength to heal Dean fully, but he could at least clear Dean's mind. Leaning forward he barely brushed his lips against Dean's and sent his healing powers into Dean's open mouth.

At first, Dean didn't respond. But after almost a minute Castiel felt Dean begin to lean towards him. Castiel gently pulled away and held Dean's face with both hands. Dean blinked a few times, obviously confused. Then he looked at Castiel and his eyes widened in horror.

"No," Dean croaked as he weakly shook his head. "No."

Castiel smiled gently. "It's alright, Dean. I'm here. Everything will be alright."

Dean tried to shake his head, tears filling his eyes.

"No… you… shouldn't… be… here…"

Castiel shook his head. "But I am, Dean. Have faith. Everything will be fine."

The tears began spilling down Dean's cheeks.

"Trap… it's a trap…"

Castiel smiled ruefully at Dean and leaned close to whisper in Dean's ear.

"I know, Dean. I know it is. I need you to stay strong, though, and trust me."

He carefully slipped the cell phone out of his coat pocket and slid it Dean's front jean pocket.

"You need to give this to Brandy and tell her to go out the vent," he whispered quietly into Dean's ear. "She can use it to call Bobby so she can tell him where we are."

Dean looked fearfully at Castiel who merely smiled gently back.

"Have faith, Dean."

"Well well well. Isn't this touching?"

Castiel turned. There in the doorway stood Jasper, smirking at them. Behind him stood the other two demons glaring furiously at him. Castiel calmly rose to his feet and stood protectively in front of Dean.

"I'm here, Jasper. You have what you want. Let Dean go now."

Jasper chuckled. "Let Dean go? Why would I do that? That would certainly not be any fun. You see, I want to see the look on his face as he watches his precious little angel die in front of him. Well… among other things."

The demon stepped forward and looked menacingly at Castiel. He raised a hand in the air.

"Sic 'em, boys."

The two demons let out low guttural growls as they simultaneously leaped through the air and tackled Castiel, knocking him to the ground. Castiel knew instantly that he was outnumbered as he hit the floor. He heard Dean yell his name and struggle feebly against the bonds holding him to the chair. Castiel tried to escape the demons' hold, but knew deep down that it was impossible.

And then he felt something go around each of his wrists and click shut.

Instantly Castiel felt his powers drain from him. He didn't have to look at his wrists to know what Jasper had done to him. He knew he was trapped. He knew that there was no chance of escape on his own.

Jasper laughed and grabbed Castiel by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him up to his face.

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun," Jasper sneered in Castiel's face. "I have been waiting for this day for a _very_ long time!"

Castiel glared back at him and a small smile touched his lips.

"You will regret this," Castiel said in a low, warning tone. "You will be struck down for your transgressions. The suffering you have experienced before will be nothing in comparison for how you will suffer in the future."

Jasper cocked his head for a moment, as if considering Castiel's words. Then he smiled and whispered in Castiel's ears.

"I assure you, it will be most worth it to watch you and your little bitch suffer."

Jasper shoved Castiel to the ground and looked over at Dean who was still trying to struggle free. He sneered in disgust at him.

"Get him out of here. I need to prepare this angel for the next game."

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OK, do not watch the movie "Karla" when you're trying to write stuff like this. That movie is seriously screwed up and I do not like seeing my sweet little Angel-Man acting like that! I need to go back and watch the clip of him and Dean in the whorehouse just to make myself feel better! : (

Anyway, yes, I'm leaving you another cliffy. Gotta keep you wanting more! Keep the feedback coming because I do enjoy reading it! Love ya, guys! : )


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The two demons deposited Dean unceremoniously in the storage room with Brandy and clamped the manacles around his ankles. Too weak to fight them Dean simply laid on the floor while listening to them leave. He squeezed his eyes shut as the anguish washed over him.

What had Castiel been thinking? Surely he had known this was nothing but a giant trap. He had to have known attempting to rescue him would be suicide. It had been an insane move on the angel's part, but Dean couldn't help but place the blame on himself. He felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. He had wanted to see his angel again, but not like this. Not at Castiel's expense. Because he had been stupid and reckless he had led Castiel right into a trap.

Dean swallowed hard, trying to fight back the tears stinging his closed eyelids. He silently prayed he would die lying on that dirty storage room floor. He didn't want to see or hear what they were doing to his angel. He just couldn't bear the thought when he was helpless to do anything to stop them.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands begin pulling him up into a sitting position. He then felt the lip of a plastic bottle touch his mouth. He opened his eyes to see Brandy's tear-stained face in front of him and she was holding up to him a plastic water bottle.

"Here," Brandy said softly. "Drink this. It's just water. They've given me some once in a while and it's all I have left."

Before Dean could even think to protest Brandy tipped the bottle and poured a few drops into his mouth. Instinctively he swallowed and began drinking more until the bottle was empty. The cool water brought mild relief to the burning in his throat. Brandy finally sat back and began shaking her head, fresh tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," she said, her chin quivering. "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

Dean looked her startled and weakly shook his head.

"What? No. No, Brandy. I'm the one who's sorry. You got dragged into my problem."

Brandy shook her head emphatically.

"No! You don't understand! It's my fault this all happened! Danielle and I are the ones who started this mess!"

Dean cocked his head and frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

Brandy wiped her face and cast a glance at the dead girl at the other end of the room.

"It… it was Danielle's idea. She was the one I was going cross country with. We were up at Devil's Lake in North Dakota. We were at one of the campgrounds when Danielle started telling me about this ritual-thing she had found online that she wanted to try. She said it could summon a demon. She thought it'd be cool since we were at Devil's Lake and all that. I… I didn't think it was real… I thought she was just full of shit… she always tried being all Goth and talked about worshipping Satan… but other than that she was cool to be around." Brandy took in a long shuddering breath. "So I said, 'Sure, whatever. Go ahead.' So she did. And…"

Her voice caught and she buried her face in her hands, but Dean already knew.

"She summoned him," he said quietly.

Brandy nodded, not looking up.

"She said she wanted to release Satan's most loyal and powerful follower. I mean… who would have seriously thought it would work? She got it off of _the Internet_!"

"You'd be surprised what you can find on there," Dean said with a sigh.

She shook her head again and finally looked up at Dean.

"It was horrible… terrifying… the room started shaking like we were in an earthquake… and there was this bright flash of light… and then it all stopped, just like that. I thought it was over, but…" Fresh tears filled her eyes. "There was something wrong with her… she starting acting all weird and… and her eyes…"

"They turned black," Dean said grimly.

Brandy looked at him in surprise and nodded. Dean sighed.

"So he possessed her then. He took her over."

She nodded again. "She… he said that I had to do what he said or he'd kill me… he… he was looking for you… he knew we had… well, you know… and then he brought us here… I don't know where the other two demons came from… but then he found that man and took him over and… and…" She began sobbing harder. "He killed Danielle! He snapped her neck! It was awful, Dean!"

Dean closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Now it all made sense. Jasper had managed to snag the first idiot who didn't know what kind of magic they were dealing with and took full advantage of it. Despite this new knowledge Dean wasn't angry at Brandy. Heck, she had just gotten dragged in the middle of all this without having a clue what was really going on. She had just been a convienent pawn for Jasper to use.

But now they were stuck. Jasper had Castiel and while Dean had been healed enough so his mind had been cleared of the drug Jasper had given him and he didn't hurt nearly as much as before, he still was badly injured and there was no way he could take on three demons on his own. Besides, there was no way he was leaving here without Castiel. He'd rather die first.

"It's not your fault, Brandy. I'm the one who should be sorry. This was my mess, not yours."

Brandy wiped her eyes. "But I should have done something! I should never have let her do that stupid ritual!"

"Well… now you know for next time," Dean smiled ruefully.

She let out a bitter laugh. "Next time… he's going to kill us! There's no way out!"

Dean couldn't help but silently agree, but he would never say that to her. He forced his eyes opened and began surveying the small, dimly lit room they were in. There really wasn't much in there besides themselves, the manacles that chained Dean to the floor, the dead body, a vent…

_The vent._

Dean looked closer at the vent and his heart leapt into his throat. He could now make out that the cover of the vent was being held on precariously by four loosened screws. His hand dropped to his pocket and he felt the cell phone Castiel had given him. Then he remembered Castiel's words…

"I have an idea," Dean said suddenly.

Brandy looked at him startled. "What?"

Dean pulled the cell phone out of his pocket and held it towards her.

"I need you to listen to me, Brandy. You need to take this and get out of here. You can get out through the vent. My friend out there… he's an angel… it's… complicated, but he knew he was going to get caught and he set it up so you'd be able to escape and call for help. Once you get outside and away from here you need to call my friend Bobby. He knows what's going on and he'll know what to do. His number is in my contacts list. Call him and tell him where we are."

Brandy looked at the vent and then back at Dean, her eyes wide with fear.

"But… I can't! They'll catch me!"

Dean shook his head. "Jasper already has what he wants, Brandy. He's going to be so busy dealing with me and my friend that he's not going to waste time going after you. Listen to me, you have to do this. This is the only shot we have at making it out of this alive."

He pressed the cell phone into her hand and then leaned over and carefully finished removing the vent cover. Brandy swallowed hard and looked from Dean to the open vent and back, her eyes wide with fear. Suddenly, an agonized scream came from the other room, causing Dean's heart to plummet. He looked at Brandy pleadingly.

"Brandy, please! I… _we _need your help!"

His words finally had an effect. Brandy nodded slowly before wrapping her arms around Dean and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Good luck, Dean," she whispered before letting go and crawling into the vent.

He watched her go and waited until she disappeared from his view before replacing the cover. He sent up a silent prayer that this crazy idea would actually work.

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Yeah, not my longest or strongest chapter. Sorry about that. That's what happens when I'm trying to write with a migraine, updates for this story floating around in my head, and then a whole different story ideas floating around in my head! (Yes, it's a very active place in my brain. You'd never get bored! Lol!) The headache is finally going away, though, so I might be able to get another chapter done before I turn in for the night. Otherwise, it'll be later tomorrow.

Keep the feedback coming! I know where the story is going, but the feedback gives me ideas that makes the story better! : )


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Bobby sat outside the bar, drumming his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel. He was waiting for Sam and Amanda to meet up with him so they could travel to Spirit Lake together. The problem, however, was that it would be almost another twenty minutes before Sam and Amanda reached the bar. And Bobby knew that every second they wasted meant that it was one more second Dean could get killed.

He didn't know what possessed him to get out of the car and go inside the bar at that moment. Bobby rationalized to himself that there was no point in just sitting around while he waited. He could at least have one drink to settle his nerves before the long drive ahead of him. He also knew that it would be only one drink. He needed to be sure his head was clear for what was going to go down.

The bar only had a couple patrons inside that were focused on playing pool. Bobby sighed as he sat down on one of the bar stools and leaned against the counter. The bartender came over and gave Bobby a quick nod.

"Evening. What can I get for you?" the man asked.

"Whiskey, straight up," Bobby said wearily.

The bartender arched an eyebrow at him, but brought over the drink. Setting it down in front of him, the bartender studied Bobby carefully.

"Rough night?"

"Yeah," Bobby said staring down at the drink, "Shaping up that way."

The bartender nodded. "It can be frustrating when your kids don't listen. They go and get themselves into trouble. I know I've had my own share of trouble with my kids. Always getting into some kind of mess."

It took a moment for the bartender's words to sink in. Bobby looked sharply up at him while the man calmly looked back at him.

"I know Dean isn't your biological child, but I know you love him as your own. And I know how worried about him you've been over this last month. And I also know he's managed to get himself into quite the situation tonight and he will need your help."

Bobby's eyes widened as he stared at the bartender. His hand slowly drifted down for the gun he had hidden in his jacket.

"Who the hell are you?" Bobby demanded in a low voice.

The bartender chuckled, obviously not intimidated by the hunter's actions.

"Dean and Castiel know me as Andy. I've talked to them quite a bit the times they've been here. But you and I have met before, Bobby." Andy arched an eyebrow at Bobby. "And please don't point your gun at me. It's quite pointless and you'll upset the patrons that are here."

Bobby stared at Andy in shock and slowly shook his head. "I have no idea-"

Andy chuckled. "Can't put your finger on it? How about I give you a clue?"

He raised his hand in the air and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, the room fell silent. Bobby spun around and saw that everything had stopped. The two men at the pool table were frozen, one leaning over the table to take a shot. The music that had been playing from the juke box went silent. Then it started to dawn on him just who he was dealing with.

"God…"

God smiled warmly. "I knew you would remember."

Bobby turned back around to face him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Keeping an eye on my child. Indeed, Castiel can be quite… difficult at times. I know he has been struggling with the emotions he's had. It's been quite a change for him."

Bobby leaned forward.

"Well, him and Dean are both in trouble now! Can't you go do something about it? That Jasper character has Dean!"

God sighed and His face became downcast.

"I am aware. And he now has both Dean and Castiel."

"So do something about it!"

"Bobby, you know it's not that simple."

Bobby scowled. "It's that simple to me! You're God! You can do whatever you want!"

God shook His head and leaned on the bar.

"I can't just jump in and directly help every time there is a problem. Lucifer was a very special situation, one where there was no other choice but for me to intervene. But this is something that Castiel and Dean must face together. This is what is going to decide their entire relationship."

"But they could die!"

God smiled ruefully. "I am aware of that, Bobby. However, do you really think I would allow them to be trapped in that situation with no way out?"

Bobby fell silent as he thought about it for a moment.

"Well… no, I guess not."

God nodded a small smile on His lips. "Good. You see, Bobby, I may not always be able to personally intervene, but I am able to provide… assistance."

Bobby frowned. "Assistance?"

God nodded. "You know, putting people or objects in the path of those who require them."

He reached below the bar. "For example," God set a very familiar-looking pistol on top of the bar. "I think this might be useful in your efforts to rescue them."

Even Bobby couldn't resist smiling when he lovingly touched the pistol's hilt. "The Colt."

God's smile broadened. "Indeed. Also, you will find on your way to Spirit Lake that the police officers monitoring the roadways as well as any other traffic will be lacking, so feel free to travel at whatever speed you deem necessary to get there. And even then you may notice that the time it will take you to reach the lake will be… shorter than normal."

"I appreciate it," Bobby said sincerely.

God nodded. "I know you do. Now, go on. Sam and Amanda will be here in a few minutes. I figured I may as well cut down their driving time as well."

Bobby nodded while he stood up and tucked the Colt into his coat pocket. He turned to start to leave, but hesitated. He turned back around and looked at God.

"Hey… mind if I ask you a quick question?"

"Of course, Bobby. Anything."

Bobby rubbed his beard nervously. "I'm not trying to question you or anything… but I can't help but wonder… you're really OK with those two being together? You really don't mind?"

God's face relaxed and He let out a chuckle.

"I understand, Bobby. And, yes, I am fine with Dean and Castiel being together. I love them both and I know that they love each other beyond measure. The love they have for each other goes beyond anything carnal or physical. Their souls are forever bonded and they are destined to be together as soul mates. The trials they have faced have proven that fact. And Dean's choice of returning to Hell in order to see Castiel again was the confirmation I needed. They have much to work on in their relationship, but they can never be fully complete without each other. When I created love that was what I intended on; partners who knew they were meant to be together and both strive to grow together throughout their lives. Dean and Castiel have that love for each other. Although, they do need to work on telling each other that."

Bobby chuckled and nodded. "Yeah… yeah they do."

God sighed and motioned for Bobby to go.

"Time for you to go, Bobby. Sam will be here soon and you're about to get a phone call."

Bobby frowned in confusion, but before he could say anything he was suddenly back outside in his car, sitting in the driver's seat. He looked around startled when he heard his phone ring loudly in his pocket. Pulling it out his heart jumped into his throat when he saw the number was Dean's phone.

"Hello? Dean? Is that you?"

"Hello?" an unfamiliar female's voice answered. "Hello, is this Bobby? I'm trying to get a hold of a Bobby."

"This is Bobby. Who is this?"

"Oh thank God!" The girl began crying into the phone. "My name is Brandy… I… I know Dean… he told me to call you… that you knew what was going on and you'd know how to help us!"

Bobby sat upright in his seat. "You know where Dean is?"

"Yes! That demon… Jasper has him! And he has Dean's friend too! They're going to kill them both! Please, can you help?"

Bobby ran his hand anxiously over his face. "It's alright, Brandy. I can help and I'm gonna be bringing some extra help with me. Just tell me where you are."

He listened to Brandy describe the warehouse and its location just as he saw the headlight's to Sam's car pull into the parking lot. Bobby rolled down his window and waved them over to where he was parked.

"OK, Brandy. Just sit tight. We'll be there soon."

Bobby hung up the phone and started the car as Sam pulled up next to him. Bobby gave him and Amanda a firm look.

"I know where he is," Bobby said gravely. "And I've got us some extra help now. Let's head out!"

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Oh yeah! Now we're getting into the big chapters! Sorry I'm not updating as fast as usual. I have another story bugging me to be written and I'm probably going to have to give in soon just so it'll leave me alone! *sigh* But, in the mean time, I'll be working on this!

Be warned! Next chapter is going to be… well… not pleasant. We're talking some Dean & Castiel whumpage and some non-consensual sexual activities. And that is all the hints you're getting.

Keep the feedback coming! It lets me know people are still reading this story! ; )


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

It felt like it had been hours since Brandy had made her escape. Dean sat on the dingy storage room floor, his knees brought up to his chest and his head resting on top of them. He covered his ears with his hands, desperate to block out the sounds of Castiel's screams of agony coming from the next room. At first Dean had tried to free himself, desperately attempting to break the shackles around his ankles, but it soon became clear that in his state the task was impossible. Then, as Castiel's cries became more pained and frightened sounding, Dean felt himself begin to feel an overwhelming sense of panic. The screams brought back the horrific memories of Hell and the things he had experienced and seen while he was there. The knowledge that they were doing those things to his angel destroyed him inside and he found himself sobbing with sheer frustration and fear.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and fought against the images swirling around in his head. Images of demons' twisted features staring back at him, cackling with perverse joy at his sufferings. The sight of souls being torn apart while they screamed for mercy. The overwhelming feelings of despair, the lack of hope that pervaded Hell's atmosphere. Dean remembered in vivid detail every second of it and he was positive it was going to drive him insane.

Finally, desperate to do _something,_ Dean uncovered his ears and clasped his hands tightly in front of him.

"God," he whispered hoarsely. "I… I don't even know if you're really out there. I don't even know if you give a damn about me or not. I know I don't deserve anything from you. Not after the things I've done, especially now. And I don't care if I die. I deserve it. But… please… please not Cas… he doesn't deserve to suffer because I screwed up. He doesn't even…"

Dean's voice caught for a moment as the implication of what he was saying hit him.

"He doesn't even deserve to be here. Not with me. I mean… look at what I've put him through just this time… and I don't even remember all the crappy things I'm sure I did to him before! He should be in Heaven or wherever he's from… not getting tortured because I'm an idiot and he felt like he had to save me."

He swallowed hard, his heart aching with grief.

"Please… just get him out of here. I don't care how you pull it off. Just please make this stop!"

He let his hands drop limply to his sides and waited. To his surprise he heard Castiel's screams fade into pained whimpers and the jeering from the demons stopped. Then he heard a muffled command from Jasper and footsteps come to the storage room door. The door was flung open and one of the demon flunkies came in and quickly unshackled Dean's legs.

"What do you want?" Dean growled furiously, trying to muster up as much fight that was left in him.

The demon said nothing, instead hoisting Dean unceremoniously to his feet and dragging him out of the room. The demon was obvious intent on carrying out his orders as he didn't even appear to notice that Brandy was missing.

"You son of a bitch, what are you doing?" Dean yelled as he was dragged along. The demon still said nothing however.

Then Dean saw Castiel and all rational thought left him.

Castiel was in the middle of the room, his arms shackled over his head where he was hanging from a heavy chain. He had been stripped down to nothing but his dark pants and his chest and back were marked with dark bruises and welts. His head was hung down and he didn't look up when Dean was dragged into the room. But what really took Dean's breath away was the sight of Castiel's wings. He had never seen them clearly before and now they unfurled behind the angel. The feathers were pale grey color and looked to be incredibly soft. Their beauty was marred only by the smears of blood splattered on them.

The demon shoved Dean into a chair that sat a few feet in front of Castiel. Dean didn't even try to fight. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the angel's battered form. Then, from behind him, he heard Jasper walk up and _tsking_ with dismay.

"You know, Dean, I expected a little more fight in your precious angel here. I have to say that I am very disappointed in him. I had him screaming like a little bitch in no time," Jasper said with a frustrated sigh.

"Fuck you," Dean growled in response, glaring furiously at Jasper. He wished with every fiber of his being that he could rip the demon apart with his bare hands.

Jasper laughed sinisterly. "Is that the best you can come up with?"

"Fine. Fuck you. Fuck your retarded little buddies over there. And fuck your precious Master in Hell. Is that better?"

A furious look briefly passed over Jasper's face, but was quickly replaced with the former ominous smirk.

"Still the tough guy, huh, Dean? You know, apparently you don't care very much about what we've been doing to your angel here. I was wondering if you'd like to see it for yourself."

Jasper walked over to Castiel and placed his face a few inches from the angel's. He gently slapped Castiel on the cheek a few times to wake him.

"Wakey wakey, Castiel! Look who's here to see you!"

Castiel slowly lifted his head and blinked several times in dazed confusion. His gaze finally focused on Dean and a pained look crossed his face.

"No," Castiel whimpered.

"Don't touch him!" Dean said angrily to Jasper. "Alright, you've had your fun with him. You've got me. Just do whatever it is you're planning on doing to me. Just let him go!"

Jasper looked at Dean and chuckled heartily. "Now, Dean, I'm not done just yet! There's still one more game to play before the big finale. And I need the two of you to play it."

Dean felt his stomach lurch with fear, but he refused to show weakness. "Oh yeah? And what _game_ did you have in mind?"

Jasper's smile broadened. He looked back at Castiel whose eyes grew more frightened.

"I already discussed it with Castiel here. Learned a lot too about what he has and hasn't told you about what you two were like back in the day. Really, it's going to make this game so much more fun!"

He ran his hand through Castiel's hair in a mocking gesture and Castiel tried to pull away fearfully. Jasper snickered at the action before looking at Dean.

"The game is simply really, Dean. I want to watch you fuck Castiel where he is. Right now."

It took a moment for Jasper's words to sink in. Dean stared at him, jaw dropped for a moment before looking over at Castiel. The angel's eyes were shut and his head turned away. Dean felt the bile rise in his throat as he looked back at Jasper and shook his head furiously.

"No. No way, you sick bastard!"

Jasper shrugged calmly. "I thought you might say something like that, so let me elaborate on the game. Either you do it, or else my friends and I will each have a turn with Castiel and you will watch the entire thing."

The demon calmly waited for Dean's reaction. Dean thought he was going to retch right there. This was far worse than anything he could have imagined. He couldn't violate Castiel. Not after everything that has happened. But to allow these monsters to do it instead, after what the angel had gone through in the past? After what he had gone through with that Anna? Dean clenched his hands into fists as he desperately tried to think of a way out of this.

Suddenly, Castiel meek voice pulled Dean from his thoughts.

"Dean…"

Dean looked at Castiel and saw the angel looking back at him, his large blue eye filled with terror and desperation.

"Dean… please… please don't let them touch me…" Castiel whispered fearfully.

Dean felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He dropped his head for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut. He silently prayed that Castiel would somehow forgive him for this before letting out a long, shuddering breath. He finally raised his head and opened his eyes, his face devoid of emotion.

"Fine," Dean said hoarsely. "Just keep your filthy hands off of him. I'll do it."

Jasper smiled triumphantly. He strode over to Dean and pulled him to his feet.

"Excellent," he hissed. "Why don't you start out by giving him a little kiss? Warm him up a little bit."

He pushed Dean towards Castiel before settling himself in the chair. Dean staggered towards Castiel, praying desperately for something to save them both from this. When he got close enough he saw Castiel looking at him, still frightened, but not nearly as much as before.

"Cas-"

"It's OK, Dean," Castiel whispered softly. "Please… I'd rather it be you… just do whatever they tell you to… I… just don't let them do that to me…"

Dean couldn't help closing his eyes, unable to bear Castiel's gaze.

"I'm so sorry," Dean whispered.

Taking a deep breath he willed himself to lean forward and press his lips gently against Castiel's. The kiss was nothing like the one they had shared at Bobby's house that night so long ago. This kiss was forced, lips tight and fearful. When Dean quickly pulled away he heard Jasper let out a loud groan of disapproval.

"What the fuck was that? If you're not going to put any effort into this, Winchester, then me and my boys are going to have to step in!"

Dean's jaw clenched and he cringed at Jasper's words.

"Fine," Dean ground out. He moved closer to Castiel, trying to block the angel's view of Jasper. He forced himself to look Castiel in the eye before kissing him again, this time with more force than the first. To his surprise, he felt Castiel begin kissing him timidly back.

As much as he hated to admit it, Dean couldn't help but marvel at the sweetness of Castiel's lips and the pleasure he felt as he kissed him. The angel's lips were chapped, but still incredibly soft and sensual. Instinctively, Dean slipped one hand around Castiel's waist while cupping Castiel's cheek with the other. He wished desperately that things could be different. That this wasn't happening because they were being forced together. That they were some place safe. That this was something Castiel actually wanted.

Jasper let out an approving chuckle.

"There we go! That's nice. Very nice. Now touch him through his pants, Dean. Rub him so he gets hard."

Dean tensed and felt like he was going to be sick again. He closed his eyes tightly as a tear slipped down his cheek. He didn't want to see Castiel face when he did this to him. Part of him wanted to scream at Jasper that he wouldn't do it. That it was sick and wrong. And yet another evil part of him wanted it. Wanted to touch Castiel and get him aroused. Dean hated himself even more as the sick, perverse thoughts raced through his head.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean whispered again before dropping his hand from Castiel's waist and rubbing it across the front of the angel's pant. He felt Castiel gasp against his mouth and felt Castiel's member twitch at his touch.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered hoarsely.

The tears flowed down Dean's face and a sob hitched his breath. He dropped his head down against Castiel shoulder and he cried.

"I'm so sorry, Cas… I'm so sorry…"

He prayed that this would end. That something… anything would happen before he was forced to go any farther. He couldn't do it. He couldn't violate Castiel, but he couldn't let the demons hurt him either.

"You know, Dean, maybe Castiel would like it if you got down on your knees and sucked him off. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Castiel?"

Dean's whole body was shaking with sobs and he could feel Castiel trembling beneath him. Afraid that Jasper might do something if he thought Dean was moving to slow, however, the hunter forced himself to drop to his knees in front of Castiel. He didn't open his eyes or look up, afraid of what he might see if he saw Castiel's face.

_Please don't make me go through with this. Please, God, don't make me do this. Please oh please oh please oh pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease…_

Dean began to reach up for the button at the top of Castiel's pants when he suddenly heard one of the demons come running up to Jasper.

"Boss, we've got a problem."

Dean heard Jasper snarl with annoyance.

"What the fuck is the problem? It better be fucking good to interrupt my show!"

"There's some humans coming. A few of them. I think they're friends of these two."

Dean's breath caught in his throat and he froze, to afraid to move, that any action on his part would break the moment. He heard Jasper growl in frustration before standing up and throwing the chair furiously across the room.

"FUCK! Fine! Get these two in the storage room and then get ready for a fight. Once we kill those pieces of shit then I'm going to finish with these two. I'll fuck them both then."

Dean felt a pair of hands on his shoulders hauling him to his feet and start dragging his back to the storage room. He heard the clink of chains and knew that they were going to bring Castiel as well. He prayed that help really was on the way and they would be able to help end this nightmare.

******************************************************************************

OMG, this was brutal to write for two reasons. 1. I didn't want to go too overboard and get too graphic. 2. I just really hate torturing my boys this way. I had another version in mind where Jasper possessed Dean and raped Castiel that way, but I just could not do it.

So, yeah, feel free to review and tell me how seriously screwed up I am! Go ahead! I can take it! ; )


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Dean didn't put up a fight when he was dragged back to the storage room. He didn't say a word as the demon roughly handled him. He didn't look back to see what was happening to Castiel. He simply let himself be dropped onto the floor and shackled and then proceeded to curl up into a fetal position after he was left. He heard them shove Castiel into the room behind him and knock him to the floor. Dean listened as the door slammed shut and locked.

And then there was silence, save for Dean and Castiel's wheezing breaths. Neither one said anything for several minutes. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, the guilt of what had just happened overwhelming him. He had never in a million years wanted to hurt Castiel in such a way, but because of his careless actions he had allowed himself and Castiel to be trapped and put into that situation. He knew Castiel had to hate him right then. That he had to regret coming to save Dean. Dean knew he'd hate himself for it.

But what he hated the most was the sick sense of pleasure kissing Castiel had brought him. He hated admitting that touching Castiel so intimately, as horrific as the situation was, was also an incredible turn on. And that made Dean Winchester as sick of a pervert as Jasper.

Dean stayed turned towards the wall, too ashamed to face Castiel. He silently prayed that whoever was out there would save them from this Hell soon. That it would finally be over.

Suddenly, Castiel cleared his throat.

"Dean?" Castiel said weakly.

Dean's breath caught in his throat. He couldn't bring himself to answer.

"Dean?" Castiel voice grew stronger and Dean heard him shuffle closer. "Dean, are you alright?"

For a moment Dean was stunned. "What?" the hunter croaked out.

"Are you OK?" Castiel repeated. "You're never usually this quiet."

"You actually still want to talk to me?" Dean asked incredulously, his voice tinged with bitterness.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Dean turned at that point to look at the angel. Castiel was lying on the floor, propped up on one arm weakly, but looking at him quizzically.

"Are you serious?" Dean asked, his voice beginning to quaver. "I just almost fucking _raped you_, Cas!"

He saw his words hit home as Castiel's face fell. Castiel shifted so he was now sitting up, his wings tucked neatly behind him. Dean could see the sadness swimming in the angel's deep blue eyes.

"Dean… please… this isn't your fault… I'm the one to blame for all of this."

Castiel's words caught Dean completely off guard. The hunter's jaw dropped in shock before he shook his head furiously.

"No… no… don't say that… that's crap… you have no idea the things I've been thinking about these last few weeks, Cas… things you don't even wanna know about…"

"Dean, let me explain-"

"There's nothing to explain, Castiel! I am seriously screwed up. Way more than you'll ever know. Pulling me from the Pit was a really big mistake. I'm a monster. I'm probably worse than Jasper!"

Dean began to turn away from Castiel, not wanting to say more. But then he felt Castiel grab his arm and he couldn't help but look back. He saw Castiel's eyes narrowed furiously.

"Enough! Don't ever say anything like that again, Dean! You are _not_ a monster. Don't ever compare yourself to vermin like Jasper! You are nothing like him!"

"But-"

"No," Castiel interrupted sternly. "You are not the one to blame for all this. I am. This is my fault because I never told you the complete truth about us. About what you and I were in the past."

Dean shook his head in confusion. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything! Jasper knew that I would always come for you, Dean. He knew about the bond we shared. I should have told you, but… I was afraid. I was afraid of what you would say. What you would think since you no longer had the memories of us."

Dean could feel his heart in his throat. He could tell by Castiel's tone that this was very important.

"What… what are you saying?"

Castiel dropped his gaze and closed his eyes. He swallowed nervously before speaking, his voice low and trembling.

"We were lovers… somehow… in all the commotion that was happening around us… I fell in love with you and you actually fell in love with me… I… I don't know when my feelings for you changed, but when Anna… attacked me, she changed into your form to do it… and that was when I knew for sure what my feelings for you were… and eventually you found out… but incredibly you loved me back. We were happy, but I thought we shouldn't be together… that my brethren would use our relationship against us… so I wiped your memory clean of it… but during the Apocalypse I fell… and you took me in… we became close and eventually our relationship grew again… but you found out what I had done and left… and I allowed myself to turn to Lucifer…"

Castiel let out a long sigh. "It was foolish… he tried to corrupt me… but you came to save me… and in the final battle against Lucifer I was killed saving you… and then my Father appeared… originally He intended to restore the world as it was before you went to Hell… that Lillith and Ruby would be killed and you would never go to Hell… and we would never meet… but apparently you chose to go to Hell… you wanted to at least give us a chance to meet again… and we did…"

His voice broke and a tear trickled down his cheek.

"I am so sorry, Dean. I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this sooner."

Castiel let go of Dean's arm and started to pull away when suddenly Dean reached out and grabbed his hand. Startled, Castiel opened his eyes and looked up to see Dean staring back at him dumbfounded.

"Whoa… whoa… you… and me… we were… together?"

Castiel nodded slowly. "Yes."

Dean swallowed hard, afraid that if he said the words that somehow they would suddenly no longer be true. "And… you were in love with me?"

Castiel looked somewhat hesitant before finally speaking. "I… I still do love you, Dean."

Dean didn't know whether to start laughing with delirious joy or to cry. Suddenly, every confusing emotion he had felt over the last few weeks made perfect sense. All of it.

"I _really_ wish you had told me this sooner," Dean managed to whisper.

"I'm sorry… I was afraid…"

"Do you have any idea how seriously screwed up in the head I've been feeling since I first saw you?"

Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Dean chuckled. "I have not been able to stop thinking about you since I first saw you in that damn bar. I've had dreams about us… and… I dunno how to explain it… it's been torture every time I haven't been able to see you or be with you." Dean paused for a moment before he shook his head in confusion. "So… if you love me, why did you say you were going to go back to Heaven after all this was over?"

"I thought it would be better," Castiel replied sadly. "I thought I was only hurting you by being here. That with me gone you would be able to move on and have a normal life."

Dean couldn't help but laugh at Castiel's words. "Dude, the last thing I'm ever going to have is a 'normal' life!"

They both fell silent for a moment as Dean struggled to comprehend everything Castiel had said to him. They had been lovers in the past. Castiel still loved him. And Castiel had only planned on leaving because he thought Dean would be better off.

"We need to get out of here," Dean finally said.

"I believe help is on the way," Castiel replied.

"No," Dean said as he began searching the floor for something. "I mean, you and I need to bust out of this room and go help, because there is no way in hell I'm going to waste any more time sitting here. We need to go somewhere else and… catch up."

Castiel felt his cheeks flush at the implications in Dean's tone of voice. Nervously, he tried to moisten his lips with his dry tongue. "But you're shackled to the floor."

"I need something to pick the lock."

"Like what?"

"A piece of thick wire… hell, a nail. Anything small and thin enough I could get in the lock without it busting on me."

Castiel scanned the room. "I don't see anything like that here, Dean."

Dean ran his hand in frustration over his face. "Damn it. I'd give anything for a freaking bobby pin right now!"

"Bobby pin?"

"Yeah, it's a thing girls put in their hair."

Castiel thought for a moment and his gaze wandered over to the body of the dead girl. Cocking his head as he studied her, he crawled over to where her head lay. Gently, he reached over and removed a small, thin metal object from the girl's hair and held it up for Dean to see.

"Like this?"

Dean stared in shock for a moment before a huge grin appeared on his face.

"Holy crap, that's it! You're awesome, Cas!"

Castiel smiled proudly as Dean took the bobby pin from him and went to work on the shackles. Thanks to years of practice Dean was soon able to free himself. Looking even more confident, Dean then moved over to where Castiel was and took one of the angel's arms.

"Alright. Let's get these off of you!"

Castiel frowned and shook his head. "Dean, these manacles are imbued with magic. You won't be able to open them without the key."

"Yes I will," Dean replied without looking up.

Castiel sighed. "Dean, I mean it. You need the key."

"No I don't."

"You really do, Dean."

"Nope. I can do it."

"Dean-"

_Click._

Castiel's jaw dropped as the manacle popped opened in Dean's hands. Dean looked up at him triumphantly.

"Told you so."

"How did you-?"

"I'm an expert at this," Dean said as he took Castiel's other arm.

Castiel shook his head. "No. Dean, I mean it. You _really_ shouldn't have been able to open that."

Dean shrugged. "So what? I did it. How about we look at it as a good thing?"

Before Castiel could respond, the second manacle popped opened. Instantly, he could feel his powers rush back and fill him. He closed his eyes and spread his arms as the warmth of his powers flowed through him, the energy crackling at his finger tips.

"Something's different, Dean," Castiel said quietly. "The magic that was protecting the demons is gone. I have all my powers."

"What does that mean?"

Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean with a smirk.

"It means now it's time for some payback."

******************************************************************************

Who wants some badass Castiel….? Let's hear it! ; )


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Bobby stared at the warehouse one hundred yards away, a knot in his stomach. He had been a hunter for over twenty years now and he could always sense when the hunt he was on was a tad out of his league.

This was one of those times.

For a brief moment he wished for his younger years when he was always ready for a fight, no matter what it was. That he could just run into a building with guns blazing and never feeling an inkling of doubt over whether or not he'd win the fight. Of course, age had certainly tempered that mindset and had replaced it a matured wisdom that provided him with the patience necessary to get all his ducks in a row before going in. It also gave a much greater sense of the reality of situations if he didn't win.

The drive to Spirit Lake was definitely much shorter than it should have been. Bobby knew almost every road in American and knew that the trip would normally have taken them four or five hours. Instead, it had been a mere twenty minutes. And true to God's word there hadn't been a single police car in sight. Even still, it was late when they finally arrived, almost midnight.

They found Brandy half a mile from the warehouse. As soon as she got into his car Bobby could see the typical expression one wore after being possessed. An almost blankness in the eyes, as if the person was still in shock and uncertain of what was real and what wasn't. And she was still jumpy, flinching any time Bobby made an unexpected movement.

But at the same time Bobby could see a look of determination on the young girl's face. He could see she was determined to make the most of her escape.

"They brought us here from Devil's Lake a few weeks ago," Brandy explained. "There were more of them in the beginning. Jasper had five other followers with him. Two of them were killed by the angel the night Dean got attacked. The other one there got blinded by him and then Jasper killed him later because he was angry at him for failing. The other two are Jasper's flunkies, Cresil and Lelin. They're more powerful than the others, but not quite as powerful as Jasper. They're job is to keep a lookout while Jasper… tortures them…"

With the information Brandy had given them tucked safely in the back of Bobby's mind, the older hunter gathered together Sam, Amanda, and Brandy and led them to the warehouse. Bobby and Sam were in the front, rifles in hand and watching for anything that might come after them. Bobby kept the Colt tucked safely inside his coat while Sam carried the demon-killing knife on his belt. Brandy was in the middle, close at hand if there was a question. The only thing she had asked for was a couple cans of spray paint. Perplexed, Bobby had given her the two cans he kept in his car and didn't bother asking any questions. He figured she was smart enough to know what she was doing. Finally, Amanda brought up the rear, rifle also in hand as she kept an eye out for anything trying to get the jump on them.

They approached the building quietly and undisturbed. Bobby could feel his unease growing. It was eerily quiet. He had expected from what Brandy had told him that he would at least hear the sounds of Dean or Castiel being tortured. Or the sounds of the demons yelling at them. Something. But there was nothing.

"I don't like this, Bobby," Sam said quietly as they reached the doorway.

"Same here," Bobby muttered. "I think they're on to us."

They paused for a moment, ears straining to catch any possible noise that might be coming from the building, but only heard the wind.

"They know we're here," Brandy said softly. "One of the lookouts must have seen us."

"Great," Bobby sighed. "So now what?"

"If they aren't in the main room then it means they stashed Dean and his friend back in the storage room. It'll be on the left-hand side of the room as you walk in. You need to keep them occupied so they can get freed."

Sam frowned and arched an eyebrow at Brandy. "And what exactly are you going to be doing?"

Brandy flashed a small smile and held up one of the cans of spray paint.

"Jasper and the other demons put up some paintings on building that need to be covered up ASAP. I know I can't fight them like you guys can, but I do know I can do this."

Bobby hesitated. "I don't like the idea of you doing that on your own. You should bring Amanda with you."

Amanda shot Bobby a look and opened her mouth to say something, but Brandy quickly interjected.

"You guys are gonna need all the help you can get against these guys. Trust me, they are going to be focused on you and distracted enough not to notice what I'm doing."

Bobby still didn't look very convinced, but Sam nodded in agreement.

"She's right, Bobby. And if things go bad she'll have a better chance of getting away on her own than if she stays with us. Besides, we're going up against at least three demons. Three against three are way better odds than two against three."

Bobby sighed reluctantly and ran a tired hand over his face.

"Fine," he said finally. "But here's how this is going to work; if things start looking bad at our end you need to hightail it out of there. And I mean it. Just go. Don't bother waiting for us. And don't bother calling the cops for help or anything like that. There's nothing they can do to help us. Just get as far away from here as you can. If anyone asks you tell them you woke up in a ditch somewhere and don't remember anything, got it?"

Brandy nodded grimly. "Got it." With a quick nod she turned and made a dash around the corner of the building.

The trio looked at each other and each nodded. Taking a deep breath Bobby took the lead and led them inside. At first, it looked like any other abandoned warehouse. The paint was chipped and peeling from the walls. The concrete flooring was cracked opened and grass and weeds sprouted up through. It was dark; forcing them to break out the flashlights they had handy as always. They soon found themselves walking into the main room which they were surprised to find dimly lit. All three of them let out quiet gasps of horror when they saw the chair in the middle of the room and the bloodstained concrete floor beneath it. They could also see the chains dangling from the ceiling and could easily infer its purpose. Bobby was also able to spot the storage room door that Brandy had described. It was about fifty feet away, but it seemed like miles considering what he knew they were up against.

Rifles aimed and ready, Bobby shot a glance over to Sam who nodded slowly, acknowledging without words that he was ready. A look to Amanda elicited the same response. Taking a deep breath Bobby opened his mouth to call Jasper out.

He never got the chance.

Suddenly, all hell broke loose. Amanda let out a yell as an invisible force knocked her off her feet and slammed her into a wall. The sickening sound of bones cracking from the force of the impact echoed in through the warehouse. When Bobby and Sam turned to her one of the demons, Cresil, jumped out from the shadows where he had been hidden, arm outstretched towards Amanda. Sam immediately aimed his rifle at the demon and fired, hitting the demon in abdomen with a round of rock salt and knocking him back away from Amanda. Pulling the knife from his belt Sam quickly jumped in front of her protectively as the demon got back on his feet.

"Look at that. Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood," the demon sneered at Sam.

"Go to Hell," Sam snarled as he lunged, catching the demon off guard as he plunged the knife into the demon's chest.

The demon's eyes widened in shock as his body shivered as bolts of electrical-like currents coursed through it. A bright light filled his mouth and eyes before suddenly going dark and the now empty body collapsed to the floor. Sam pulled the knife free and turned to check on Amanda. To his horror he saw her lying limply on the floor, her eyes closed and her breaths coming in labored wheezing gasps.

"Amanda!" Sam yelled as rushed to her side.

Bobby heard the commotion, but was now caught up in his own battle. A second demon had appeared when Sam had shot the first one and had gone after Bobby. The older hunter fired his rifle at the demon, momentarily slowing it down before dropping it and pulling out the Colt. He briefly mourned the need to use it as he knew he only had as many bullets as were in the chamber and he didn't know how many more demons they would face, but he also knew that things were already going bad fast. With a steady aim Bobby fired the Colt, shooting the demon in the dead center of his forehead. The demon stiffed as the electrical currents coursed through him and the dead body fell to the floor.

Relieved, Bobby turned to look over at Sam and Amanda. Sam was kneeling at her side, gently shaking her shoulder, trying to wake her.

"Amanda! Amanda! Open your eyes!"

"Sam! Get her out of here! I don't know what else they're gonna throw at us!" Bobby called to him as he moved to try to block the couple from the rest of the warehouse.

Sam never got a chance to react to Bobby's words. Suddenly, an invisible ripped him from Amanda's side and slammed him against the wall, effectively pinning him there. The same happened to Bobby and the force of his impact against the wall knocked the Colt from the hunter's hand. Then came a loud maniacal laugh that echoed ominously throughout the warehouse.

"Is this _it_? Is this the same force that rose up against my Master? The same heroes that managed to send Lucifer back into his cage? Well, I am definitely _not_ impressed!"

Jasper stepped out of the shadows and calmly strolled over to where Bobby and Sam were pinned against the wall. He glanced over at Amanda's unconscious form before looking back at the two hunters and shook his head in disgust.

"Pathetic. Although you were able to take out Cresil and Lelin fairly quickly. I applaud you with that. They were two of the most power demons I could find before I made my escape," he continued. "So I wouldn't be too hard on yourselves for failing."

He then looked over to where the Colt lay. With a quick nod the weapon flew across the room and into his open hand. Jasper studied the weapon for a moment while Bobby and Sam glared furiously at him.

"Ah, the Colt. I've heard lots of stories about this gun. Kills demons with its magic bullets. Ooh! Impressive!" Jasper said with a smirk.

Bobby swallowed hard. "Fine. You've got the Colt. Let Dean and Castiel go now. You win."

Jasper looked incredulously at Bobby for a moment before bursting out in rancorous laughter.

"Let them go?! Bobby, I believe you're getting a senile in your old age!"

Jasper walked up to Bobby and stood in front of him.

"I could give a rat's ass about some stupid toy gun. This isn't about any trinkets. This about revenge, Bobby. This is about making sure Dean Winchester and Castiel suffer for the things they did to my Master. This is about making sure they're final moments on this God-forsaken planet are more excruciating then anything they have ever experienced before."

Jasper glanced over at Sam who was still valiantly trying to fight against the demon's hold. He chuckled as he looked back at Bobby.

"You three were just a bonus. Now I'm gonna make sure this is the best little show ever. I'm gonna sit Dean down in that chair over there and then I'm going to flay each and every one of you alive in front of him. I'll start with the bitch over there. Then you. Then his baby brother, Sammy. And then, for the grand finale, I'll slice apart his pretty little angel right before his eyes. And I'll make sure he watches every last second of it. And then I'll just leave him there. Leave him tied to that chair with all of your mutilated corpses rotting around him. He'll either die in that chair or else he'll kill himself when he gets free. Quite frankly, I don't give a shit after that. He'll be good and broken by then. My work will be done."

Bobby felt the bile rise in his throat as he cast an anxious glance over to Sam. He could see the flash of fear on the young man's face, but even more he could see the grief in his eyes. Bobby felt his heart break, knowing how hard this had to be for Sam.

_God, we really could use a little more of Your divine intervention right about now! _Bobby silently prayed.

Apparently, God heard.

Jasper had taken a step back when suddenly the ground beneath them began to tremble as if a large truck was passing by. The confident smile Jasper had been wearing began to falter as he looked around in confusion.

"What the-?" he muttered under his breath.

"Hey, Jasper!"

Startled, the demon looked over at the entrance to the room. Standing there proudly was Brandy, one hand on her hip, the other hand holding one of the cans of spray paint.

"Remember me? The scared little girl you let one of your demons possess? Well, I managed to take a little trip outside and decided to do a little paint job on the walls. Thought those little symbols needed some more… color," Brandy smiled defiantly.

The smile on Jasper's face disappeared at Brandy's words. "You _what?_"

"Oh yeah. I did. Oh, and another thing. I think Dean figured out how to get those silly little handcuffs off him and the angel with him. Now, something tells me that may be a little bit of a problem for you!"

The ground began to shake harder. The wind outside could be heard picking up strength and the crack of lightening and deafening roll of thunder filled the air. Jasper's face paled as he staggered back, his telepathic hold on Bobby and Sam faded and the two hunters fell to the floor. He continued to back up, shaking his head in disbelief.

"No… no! This can't be happening. My plan was perfect! There's no way he could have removed the manacles! He couldn't!"

He turned towards the storage room when the door suddenly exploded open with a flash of light. Out stepped Castiel, slightly bruised, but with his wings fully outstretched and a faint glow around him. Behind him came Dean, obviously more injured than the angel. Both, however, looked menacingly at Jasper who stared at the pair in shock.

"You want to say again what exactly you were telling Bobby about what your great plan was?" Dean growled as he weakly stepped forward, but with fury in his eyes.

Jasper's eyes narrowed at Dean and his jaw clenched.

"I can still make your life a living hell, Dean Winchester," he ground out defiantly.

Castiel moved in front of Dean protectively. His arms were slightly outstretched, bolts of blue electricity crackled at his hands.

"Do not speak another word to him, Demon Filth," Castiel growled at Jasper. "This ends now."

"Does it, Angel?" Jasper sneered back.

With a low guttural roar Jasper leapt towards Castiel, his face twisted with rage. There appeared in his hand a small blade with glowing blue inscriptions on it. Castiel ignored it and rose into the air with his wings. He grabbed Jasper by the throat and threw him up against the ceiling with a loud bang, narrowly missing being slashed with the knife. The act didn't faze Jasper, however. The demon shot out a blast of energy towards Castiel as he fell, knocking the angel back against the wall and partway through it. Jasper landed on the floor and quickly scrambled to his feet before Castiel was back in the air.

Shooting a menacing look at Dean Jasper reached out one hand towards the hunter. Dean's eyes grew large and his began gasping for air as he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He collapsed to his knees as Jasper walked towards him, the demon's face set determinedly.

"I'll kill one of you before I go!" Jasper hissed in rage.

Dean fell over and Jasper smiled gleefully. He began to turn to face the rapidly approaching angel when he heard something behind him.

"Hey, Jasper," Dean croaked out.

Jasper turned, startled. He saw Dean staring back, pointing the Colt at him that he had dropped during the fight with Castiel. He barely had a chance to react before Dean pulled the trigger, firing off a shot that went into the demon's shoulder. Jasper let out a howl of pain as he collapsed to the floor. When he looked up again he saw Castiel standing over him.

"Everyone, cover your ears and close your eyes," Castiel commanded. Kneeling down, he grabbed the front of Jasper's shirt and raised the demon towards his face. "Except for you."

"_Torna indietro per gli incendi della fossa da provenienza provenite. Possono soffrire per eternità per le atrocità che sono impegnati su questa terra e per la vita sono rubati. Non sono mise mai piede su questa terra mai più."_

Even with his eyes closed, Dean could see the flash of light Castiel invocation created. And even with his ears covered he could hear Jasper's final screams of agony before the room fell silent.

* * *

Yeah… so the site I normally use for my Latin translations is not working. I figured you guys didn't really want to try to interpret Greek or Hebrew, so I settled for Italian which is fairly close to Latin. *sigh* Besides, if nothing else, I just like to picture how totally sexy Cas would look speaking Italian… mmmmm…. ; )

Translation: _Go back to the fires of the Pit from whence you came. May you suffer for all eternity for the atrocities you have committed on this earth and for the lives you have stolen. Never shall you set foot on this earth ever again._

So, yeah. Gonna leave it here for now. I was going to make it longer, but I'm tired and figure this would be long enough to hold you over! Lol!

Keep the feedback coming! I absolutely love reading it!


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The room had been silent for a few moments; save for the survivors' gasps for breath, when Dean slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He saw Bobby and Sam both sitting weakly on the floor, looking around in daze about what had just occurred. He then saw Amanda's limp form not far from where Sam was. He then turned and saw Castiel kneeling next to the empty body Jasper had been possessing. The angel's wings had been tucked back into wherever he kept them and Castiel sat there looking obviously fatigued.

The adrenaline that had powered Dean through the fight was quickly ebbing away, leaving the hunter feeling weak and drained. Despite Castiel's healing, Dean was still very much injured and still in a great deal of pain. His eyes began to drift closed, desperately seeking rest.

"Um, guys? She really needs some help over here!"

Dean's eyes flew open at Brandy's insistent voice. He looked to see the girl kneeling on the floor next to Amanda. The blonde leaned in closer, her face drawn with concern.

"Dean, she's not breathing!"

Sam quickly moved to Amanda's side and cradled her in his arms as he looked over her. His face filled with anguish as she didn't respond to his touch.

"Oh God… no… Amanda... Amanda, wake up! Come on… don't do this to me… breathe! Breathe, Amanda!"

Dean began to move to his brother's side, but Castiel was faster. The angel gently moved Brandy aside and knelt down next to Amanda and Sam.

"Sam, let me see her," Castiel said quietly.

Sam looked at him desperately as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Can you save her? Please, Castiel… you have to save her!"

"I will do everything in my power to try and save her," Castiel replied quietly.

He took the girl from Sam and studied her face carefully. Everyone watched as Castiel leaned forward, bringing his mouth inches from hers and breathing into her. They could see the ethereal light pass from the angel's lips into the mouth of the dying girl. The seconds ticked by slowly before Castiel finally pulled away, obviously drained. For a moment Amanda didn't move and everyone wondered if his efforts had been for nothing.

And then Amanda let out a gasp for air as her eyes flew open. Tears of joy welled up in Sam's eyes as he took her from Castiel into his arms and hugged her tightly to him. She looked around bewildered.

"What… what happened?" she asked weakly. "We were looking for Dean… and then the demon…"

"It's OK now," Sam whispered to her, running his hand through her hair gently. "Dean and Castiel are fine. And the demons are all dead now."

She nodded as she pulled back from Sam to look him in the face. She gave him a smile before turning to look at Castiel and then Dean. Her smile faded as she took in their appearances.

"Well, they don't look very fine to me!" she said in horror.

Dean forced a smile on his face as he staggered to his feet. "I'm good, Amanda. This just looks worse than it is."

Amanda didn't look very convinced as she looked back at Castiel who was weakly propping himself up with one arm.

"I'll be fine…" Castiel said weakly.

Dean looked over to where Brandy was sitting. "You OK, Brandy?"

Brandy was sitting on the floor her back against the wall. She took a moment before turning to look at Dean, her eyes wide with shock.

"He… he just healed her…" she said slowly.

Dean nodded. "Yeah."

"And… I basically called out a demon…"

Dean smirked. "Yeah… I guess you did."

Brandy put her head in her hands. "Oh my God…"

Bobby quickly moved to her side and patted her shoulder gently.

"You did a great job, dear," he said soothingly. "Thanks to you, we were able to find these two and help take out some of the demons. And you helped get Castiel his powers back. You did a fine job today, Brandy."

Brandy seemed to perk up at Bobby's words and she managed a weak smile.

"I remembered the demon painting the symbols on the building when he was possessing me, so I knew where they were and what they were for. I figured if I painted over them then they wouldn't work anymore."

Dean smiled at her words, but soon the throbbing pain he was experiencing caused him to double over. He heard Castiel slowly rise to his feet.

"I really need to take Dean somewhere safe in order to heal him," Castiel said weakly.

"My place is as safe as anywhere," Bobby said quickly.

Castiel hesitated. "I… I'm afraid I can't take everyone with me… not if I want to be able to heal at all…"

Bobby held up his hand to stop Castiel. "Don't you worry about us. We'll take care of things here. You take Dean back to my place and get some rest. I know where there's a motel the rest of us can crash in for the night."

Castiel smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby shook his head. "Don't mention it. Just get Dean out of here and get some rest."

Castiel nodded and moved to Dean's side. He touched the hunter on the shoulder and soon they both disappeared.

* * *

Dean decided that he had never been so happy to see the little bedroom at Bobby's house in his entire life. With a groan he collapsed face-first onto the bed.

"Ow."

OK, maybe that wasn't the smartest move to make before he was healed up more. He felt Castiel sit down next to him.

"Dean, perhaps you should get cleaned up before you go to bed."

"Too tired," came the muffled reply.

Castiel sighed. "Alright. But surely there is a more comfortable way to rest."

Dean let out a reluctant sigh before dragging himself up to the head of the bed and rolling over onto his back. He looked back at Castiel who hadn't moved.

"You gonna lay down too? You look just as bad as I do!"

He saw Castiel drop his gaze nervously.

"I… was going to sit over in the chair."

Dean made a face and reached over to grab Castiel's wrist.

"We're in a bed, Cas. You're supposed to sleep in it so come over and sleep in it with me. It's big enough for both of us."

Castiel opened his mouth to protest, but closed it the instant he saw the look on Dean's face. He slowly allowed himself to be tugged into the bed next to Dean. They lay next to each other and for the first time in a long time that Dean could remember, he felt himself relax. He looked over at Castiel who was lying nervously next to him. Dean couldn't help but grin.

"Cas?"

Castiel turned and looked at him. "Yes, Dean?"

"Relax. I promise not to molest you here, alright?"

Dean was relieved to see his words have the effect he wanted. He saw Castiel begin to visibly relax and smile.

"Alright, Dean."

Dean watched Castiel's eyes drift closed and Dean smiled as he closed his eyes and carefully covered Castiel's hand with his own.

_We'll get to that part later, _Dean thought smugly to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Well, there _was_ going to be a little more to this chapter, however, has decided to drive me crazy and not let me go back and reread my reviews for this story! *huff* Hence the reason it's a little short.

And of course, now I get it to work after some serious effort and I've been complaining about it being a pain in the rear. *sigh* Oh well. That just means I can start on the next chapter sooner than planned! ; )


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

_The hell fires singed Dean's skin. Tormented screams came from all around him as he watched the demons rip souls apart. He couldn't move, couldn't run to escape the horrors around him. He tried to call out for his angel, but his parched throat barely made a squeak. The scenes replayed themselves over and over again, as if stuck on some kind of continuous loop. He couldn't block out the demons' mocking voices._

_ "You're never going to be rid of us, Dean…"_

_ "Your angel is never going to really love you…"_

_ "Castiel is never coming back for you…"_

_ "You're all alone, Dean…"_

* * *

Dean's eyes flew open as he jerked awake. He could feel the sweat drip down his face and he couldn't stop his body from trembling. He swallowed hard, willing his heart rate to slow down to a normal pace while he forced his breathing to slow. He tried desperately to forget the graphic images he had just seen that threatened to continue to replay in his mind.

Then he felt a gentle hand on his chest.

"Dean? Are you alright?"

Dean turned to see Castiel's concerned eyes looking back at him. In an instant he remembered where he was and what had happened. They were safe at Bobby's. Jasper was dead. Everyone was now safe.

And Castiel had told him they had once been lovers.

"Yeah," Dean managed to croak between parched lips. "Just a dream."

Castiel's frown deepened as he leaned in closer to study the hunter's face.

"You're not alright. It was a nightmare. You're still shaking from it."

Dean tried to force one of his trademark smiles to make Castiel think he was OK. That the dream hadn't affected him as much as it had. But seeing the intensity of Castiel's gaze Dean felt any hint of a smile fade and he couldn't help but drop his eyes.

"I… just forget it. I don't want to talk about it."

Even after everything that they had just gone through together, even after the things Castiel had told him about them, Dean still was afraid to drop his defensive walls. He couldn't bring himself to believe that this man… this _angel_… could really love him the way he said he did. That eventually Castiel would leave him and his heart would be broken once again. Dean moved to get out of the bed, but his breath hitched as jolt of pain seared through his ribs. He heard Castiel let out a frustrated sigh as he grabbed Dean by the arm.

"Then we won't talk about it. But don't run away from me, Dean."

Castiel's words caught Dean off guard and he couldn't help but freeze as he turned and looked back at the angel. He saw Castiel still looking at him with that intense gaze.

"What?" Dean stammered in confusion.

"Don't run away from me," Castiel repeated slowly. "I have been honest with you, Dean. I've been trying to tell you everything. I want the secrets to end now. You don't have to tell me everything, but if there is a problem we eventually will have to face it. And we will have to do that together. And you have to at least try to trust me."

Castiel's words rendered Dean speechless. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to come up with a response. He felt completely out of his element in this situation. For the first time in Dean's life he was with someone who he actually cared what they thought of him. He was with someone who had the very strong potential of breaking his heart and he had allowed himself to be put in this situation. And this person knew him better than anyone, and despite what Castiel had told him and showed him with the memories, Dean hardly knew anything about him.

And all of it scared the crap out of him.

"OK," Dean finally managed to choke out before returning to his original position in the bed. Castiel nodded as a sign he was pleased.

"Good. You should try to get more sleep."

"No," Dean said before he had the chance to stop himself.

Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "What?"

"I don't want to sleep anymore."

Dean inwardly cursed himself for not thinking before he spoke. The response had been instinctual. Castiel looked at him with even greater concern.

"Dean, you're still hurt badly and I'm not rested enough to heal you. We both need more sleep."

Dean closed his eyes, not wanting to see the angel's concerned face. He felt ridiculous, like a little kid who had been scared by a nightmare and wanted his parents' comfort. Except he was a 30 year old man who knew the nightmares were real, to some extent, and there was no amount of comfort that could change that. He needed to deal with the fear, but he was at a loss as to how.

He felt Castiel shift on the bed next to him. He guessed that Castiel figured that he had finally decided to try and sleep. Dean wondered if the angel was going to go back to sleep himself and felt his stomach knot at the thought. He didn't want to sleep, but he realized he didn't want to be awake all alone either.

"It was about Hell," Dean said suddenly.

He felt Castiel shift on the bed again, obviously now to look at him. Dean felt his heart begin to race and he didn't dare open his eyes.

"When Jasper drugged me… it made me think I was back in Hell," Dean said quietly despite the overwhelming urge to shut up. "And… I saw you… and you were going to leave me there… you didn't want me anymore…"

He inwardly cringed at the need in his voice. He felt ridiculous and mentally chastised himself for being so weak. That if he could just suck it up for a few more hours the sun would be up and it would chase away the nightmares. There was no reason to burden Castiel with his insecurities.

"Dean, look at me."

He didn't want to. He was afraid of what he might see. But after a tense silence Dean finally reluctantly opened his eyes and looked over at Castiel. He saw the angel looking back at him, his face full of emotion.

"I have given up everything for you, Dean Winchester," Castiel said quietly. "I allowed myself to be cast out of Heaven for you. I've disobeyed for you. And I've gone to Hell for you twice. Not once have I ever regretted making those choices."

He reached up and gently cupped Dean's face, making sure he couldn't look away.

"I will _never_ leave you, Dean," Castiel promised. "I've made my choice to remain at your side so long as you will have me. I love you."

As a confirmation of his words Castiel leaned over and gently kissed Dean on the lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but more of one of comfort and reassurance. A kiss that, until that moment, Dean hadn't even realized just how badly he had needed it. When Castiel finally pulled away and looked Dean in the eyes Dean felt his worries begin to slowly ebb away.

"Do you believe me now?" Castiel asked quietly.

Dean hesitated a moment, his throat tight with emotion. Unable to speak he simply nodded. Castiel smiled warmly.

"Good. Now, try to get some more sleep, Dean."

"Wait…"

Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "What?"

Dean nervously cleared his throat. "Can… can you do the memory thing again? You know, like you did before?"

Castiel propped himself up on one arm as he considered Dean's words.

"I can… if that's what you want. Is… is there a particular memory you wanted to see?"

Dean nodded eagerly. Anything to delay going to sleep and anything that would give him more pleasant things to think about.

"Something happy… something about us being happy for a change…"

Castiel nodded in assent, a small smile on his lips.

"Very well."

He reached over and gently touched Dean's temple. Instantly, Dean felt the familiar pull and soon he was being pulled away from the little bedroom in Bobby's house and into Castiel's memories.

* * *

_ Castiel felt naked and incredibly vulnerable as he sat on the cold porcelain toilet in the cheap motel bathroom. Sobs shook his body and shamed overwhelmed him. Dean knew the truth. He knew what Anna had done to him and why. And now he was too injured to simply run away. All he could do was hide his face._

_"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel whispered, his voice hitching in a sob. "You must be disgusted with me… I do not deserve to watch over you…"_

_ He waited for Dean to tell him how disgusted he was. That Castiel was an angel and should be above those things. That he should know better._

_ Instead, he felt Dean kneel close by to him and gently cup his face with his hand, forcing him to look up and meet Dean's eyes. Instead of seeing the disgust he so feared Castiel saw a look of tenderness._

_ "Castiel, I am __not__ disgusted with you… And I don't want anyone else to watch over me. Because…" Dean took a deep breath. "Because you mean everything to me and… and I think I'm falling in love with you."_

_Castiel stared at him for a moment, allowing his words to sink in._

"_You… you're falling in love with me?" Castiel whispered in awe._

_Dean nodded, never breaking his gaze except to press a soft kiss on the angel's stunned lips. In that instant Castiel felt his fears begin to melt away. That, finally, he could let himself love Dean without fear or guilt. And that he could rest assured knowing that Dean was beginning to love him too._

* * *

The memory slipped away… another began…

* * *

"_It's about time," Dean said, obviously tired and annoyed. "I've been screaming myself hoarse out here for two and a half hours now!"_

_Castiel forced himself to push down his feelings. They stood in the empty salvage yard at the dead of night. And Castiel had turned away from Dean after the suffering he had endured at Zachariah's hands. And Dean remembered nothing of their encounter in Utah and couldn't understand the angel's sudden coldness. And Castiel hated himself every second for it._

"_What do you want?" He asked solemnly, walking towards Dean._

"_Well, you can start with what the hell happened in Illinois," Dean quipped back._

_Castiel felt a bolt of fear shoot through him, but he shoved it aside. "What do you mean?" He tried to appear unconcerned by Dean's words._

"_Cut the crap," Dean growled back. "You were going to tell me something!"_

_**I was going to tell you the truth. I was going to tell you about Anna and Utah and how much I love you and how you showed me pleasures far beyond anything I had ever experienced before…**_

"_Nothing of importance," Castiel replied softly, averting his gaze as he said it, not wanting to see Dean's face._

_Dean stared at him incredulously. "You got ass-reamed in Heaven, and it was not of importance-?!"_

_Castiel felt another jolt of fear and shame course through him at Dean's words. The wounds on his back that Zachariah gave him flared with pain, a reminder of his punishment. He shot Dean a desperate look. "Dean, I __can't__," Castiel said with quiet earnest._

_Dean stared at him and Castiel could see in his green eyes that he was desperately trying to understand, trying to figure just what had happened. Castiel looked away, not wanting Dean to see the shame and guilt. He recited the words he had been instructed to speak despite everything inside of him that screamed at him to stop. Told Dean Sam would become a monster. Told Dean that Dean was the one the angels believed could stop Lucifer. He left out the truths that Zachariah had told him to. That the Apocalypse would happen no matter what. _

_Castiel wondered if Dean would be able to see through this act. Would be able to see that the angel was putting on a front. Dean, however, was too upset to notice. Zachariah's script was having the exact effect on Dean that the superior angel had said it would. _

"_Stand up and accept your role," Castiel said determinedly. "You are the one who will stop it."_

_The angel and man looked at each other for a moment. Castiel could feel the mask slipping. He was afraid. Afraid that Dean believed him. Believed the scripted half-truths that he had told him. He wanted Dean to tell him he was a lying bastard. That he knew that there were other ways to save Sam. That he wanted no part in this war._

_But he knew Dean was suffering. Was suffering under the guilt that his original role in the Apocalypse bore on him. Was suffering as he watched his little brother scream under the agony of detox. Suffering with guilt that he wasn't the man he felt his father wanted him to be. Castiel knew Dean wanted to be a hero. And Dean wanted to hear his angel say it._

"_If I do this… Sammy doesn't have to?" Dean asked with quiet desperation._

_Castiel looked at Dean, wishing he could tell the truth. "If it gives you comfort to see it that way," He let slip._

_Dean let out a bitter chuckle and shook his head in amazement._

"_You're a dick these days," He said bitterly, walking away._

_Dean's words struck Castiel in the heart and tore it to shreds. He forced himself to stand straight and appear unaffected despite his grief. This was torture of the most heinous in nature. He was allowing the man he loved more than anything to suffer and only adding to his grief. It was wrong. It was so wrong. But what choice did he have?_

_After a long pause he heard Dean take a deep breath._

"_Fine I'm in."_

_**No… please no, Dean…**_

"_Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and His angels?"_

"_Yeah, exactly."_

"_Say it."_

_He watched Dean turn and look at him, confused. Castiel wanted to fall to his feet and beg him not to. He wanted to run. He wanted all of this to end. But He instead forced himself to fix his gaze on Dean, but he knew his face was betraying him. But he also knew it was too late._

"_I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys," Dean said firmly as he walked back over to face Castiel directly._

"_Do you swear to follow His will and His word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's," Castiel continued slightly rushed, afraid that his own will to continue would collapse._

"_Yes, I swear," Dean replied._

_**I'm sorry, Dean… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry for this… I'm sorry I cannot protect you…**_

"_Now what?" Dean asked._

"_Now you wait. And we call on you when it's time."_

_Castiel met Dean's gaze until the young hunter dropped his head obviously exhausted. Castiel dropped his as well. He hadn't wanted this. He despised Zachariah at that moment for knowing just how to manipulate Dean. Castiel turned to leave, not being able to bear being in Dean's presence any longer._

"_Cas, wait."_

_Castiel froze. He swallowed hard, not able to bring himself to turn around._

"_What is it, Dean?"_

"_There's… there's something else I want to ask you."_

"_Yes?" Castiel was sure Dean could hear his vessel's heart as it felt like it was ready to explode from his chest._

"_The last few months… I don't know how to explain it… but I… I feel like something's been missing… like I'm supposed to remember something that happened, but I can't. Do you know anything about it?"_

_Castiel thought he was going to physically collapse from the anguish he was feeling. He swallowed hard, barely able to choke out a response. "I… I have no idea… Dean, I have to go…"_

"_Not yet," Dean replied almost impatiently. He reached out and grabbed Castiel by the coat sleeve and forced him to turn to face him. "It's something about you… I know that much… but I can't remember what. You're telling me you have no idea?"_

_Castiel looked at Dean. He could see the confusion in his face. Castiel wanted to him in his arms, to feel the warm and gentle comfort Dean had given him so freely that night in Utah. He wanted to have one more kiss, something that would give him some assurance that Dean somehow still loved him, would always love him._

"_I'm sorry. I don't know," Castiel replied quietly._

_He quickly pulled away from Dean's grasp and walked away. He didn't stop or turn around despite hearing Dean call his name. A tear slipped down his cheek as he disappeared into the night._

* * *

The memories melded into each other in what was becoming a seamless blend…

* * *

_Pain. Fear. Emptiness. He was missing something. The grace that had always been there was gone. Sliced out of him by Chuck's archangel. This was his punishment for disobedience. This is what happened to traitors. Your grace is ripped from you. And you fall._

_**I deserve this punishment. I deserve to suffer.**_

_ And there was Dean. There at his side, trying to help him. Comforting him. Swearing to be there for him always. As Dean climbed into the bed with him Castiel knew Dean meant every word he had said. Dean refused to let Castiel feel guilt over what had happened to him. He refused to let Castiel blame himself. And Castiel was reminded again just how much he loved Dean Winchester._

* * *

The memories were slipping from one to the next in a rapid succession now.

* * *

_Castiel remembered the theme park as one of Jimmy's memories. It had intrigued him and now that the opportunity had arisen he had decided he wanted to go with Dean and share it with him. _

_ Every moment Castiel and Dean shared at the theme park meant the world to the angel. He savored every second of Dean's attention and delighted in being able to share information with Dean. _

_ It was one of the happiest times Castiel could recall every sharing with the hunter._

* * *

_ Seeing Lucifer had been both incredibly exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Castiel felt the fallen angel's grace emanating around him as he sat and spoke with him. Had he been alone Castiel knew that he would easily have fallen into Lucifer's clutches without hesitation, desperate to cling to something that made him feel like an angel once more._

_ But he had Dean. And Dean was all he ever needed. And Lucifer had awoken the desire that raged inside the former angel and now Castiel could no longer control his need for the hunter._

_ Their kisses were deep and needy. They both had been sharing the same desires and now their defenses had been dropped. Castiel eagerly kissed Dean everywhere he could reach. He dropped to his knees in a submissive pose, taking Dean's member into his mouth, lavishing it with attention as Dean cried out with pleasure, his fingers gripping Castiel's hair and guiding his actions._

_ Their love making later moved to the bed after Castiel confessed his needs to Dean. And it was then they made love for the first time. It was everything Castiel had dreamed of and more. The bolts of pleasure that coursed through him as Dean thrust into him, marking him as his own. The climax they shared was intimate and freeing, causing Castiel to breakdown as it overwhelmed him._

* * *

The memory that began next was unlike the others. This one played out like it had been recorded on a camera.

* * *

_Dean looked up from where he was sprawled out on the motel room bed. He was only dressed in his dark blue boxers and his short hair was disheveled from their previous activities. He smiled as he spotted the camera._

"_What are you recording now?" He asked with a chuckle._

"_I wanted you to tell me something that I wanted to record," Castiel replied simply off camera._

"_Oh yeah? And what's that?"_

_The camera jostled as Castiel sat down on the bed next to Dean._

"_I want you to tell me why you love me," Castiel said somewhat shyly. "Like you made me do the other day."_

_Dean's smile broadened. "Why I love you, huh?"_

_He stretched his arms over his head before settling himself into a more comfortable position._

"_Well… for starters I have to say I just love that little angel ass of yours. That's just hot as hell, especially when you wear jeans!"_

"_Dean!" Castiel admonished._

_Dean laughed. "OK! OK! I love you because… you're smart… funny… sexy… innocent…"_

"_How am I innocent?"_

_Dean smirked. "True. I think after what we did just a little while ago I can toss innocent out the window!"_

"_Dean!"_

"_I'm kidding! But seriously, like when I show you something for the first time… the way you get all interested in it like it's the most amazing thing in the world… I dunno… I just like that about you… and how brave you are… I mean… you've had to deal with so much crap, like falling… it just shows how tough you are…"_

_Dean looked down at the bed sheet and absentmindedly picked at a loose thread._

"_And you pulled me from Hell and gave me my life back… and gave up your own for me… how could I not love you?"_

_The camera jostled again as Castiel dropped it and he leaned into the frame to kiss Dean passionately on the lips. Dean kissed him back while stroking his cheek tenderly. Castiel pulled away and smiled broadly before picking the camera back up and ending the recording._

* * *

Dean couldn't believe how many memories Castiel was sharing with him. They continued to play out, one right after the other.

* * *

_Castiel was alone and afraid. He had allowed himself to be taken by Lucifer and soon his brother would carry out the ritual that would corrupt him, turning him into a monster. Hope was rapidly failing within him when suddenly his cell phone came to life and tweeted; notifying him that he had just received a message. Breathlessly, when it was finally safe, Castiel opened the phone and soon was opening the message he saw that had come from Dean._

"_Hey, Cas," Dean said. He was smiling, but Castiel could see it was forced. "I got your message and I wanted to let you know everything's going to be OK… that me and Sammy and Bobby are all on the way to get you and get you out of there… I talked to Chuck and he told me where you are and how to reach you… that there's a passage way that leads to the outside… he said you'll be able to take out the demon guarding it… and then we'll get there and everything will be OK…"_

_Castiel could see the emotions in Dean's eyes and his struggle to stay composed._

"_And, Cas… I… I um… I just wanted to let you know… that I'm going to be there for you… and I'm not mad at you… I swear I'm not mad… I was a dick and I'm sorry for the crap I said… I am… and I'm going to make it up to you… when this is all over… and we're together again… you and me… we'll go to that crazy-ass Jesus park again… and we'll go wherever you want to go… and I'll never let you out of my sight again… I swear it, baby… I… I love you…" Tears began to fall down Dean's face. "And I'll see you soon, OK? I'm gonna fix this for you, Cas. I promise."_

_Hope welled up inside of him as he looked at Dean's face on his phone. Dean still loved him. Dean was coming for him._

* * *

_Castiel watched helplessly while Dean tried to shoot Lucifer with the Colt, but Lucifer was able to dodge the bullet each time. He saw Lucifer fling Dean against the wall, knocking the gun from his hand. He saw Lucifer pick up the weapon and study it carefully._

"_Well, Dean Winchester," Lucifer said casually, "It seems things have changed."_

_Castiel felt his heart in his throat._

_**No…**_

"_I was told you were the Chosen One, Dean Winchester. I was told you would be the one to save "humanity.'"_

_**This can't be happening…**_

"_You were supposed to be this incredible man. The only man who could defeat me."_

_**I can't lose him again…**_

"_Instead you only prove yourself to be a fool, Dean. A naïve fool who actually believed he could defeat __me__."_

_**Not again…**_

"_I am Lucifer. __No one__ can defeat me."_

_**I have to save him.**_

"_And now, Dean Winchester, I will take Castiel and he will rise to power alongside me. He will no longer be a frail human like you."_

_Castiel saw Lucifer aim the Colt at Dean's chest. He saw Dean's eyes squeeze shut as he was unable to escape. Castiel cried out and ran to him. He shielded Dean's body with his own. He felt the bullet penetrate his back. He froze as the room became deathly silent. Dean opened his eyes and Castiel could see his shock and horror._

"_No," Dean whispered in horror. "No… no no no no no…"_

_Castiel managed to choke out Dean's name as he slowly collapsed to the floor, Dean's arms wrapped protectively around him. He was dying. He knew he was going to die. And he had died protecting his one true love. He had no regrets about that. His only regret was not being able to tell Dean he loved him one last time before it all faded into nothing…_

* * *

There! Ugh! That took me forever to write! *scowl* Oh well. At least I had fun going back and rereading the other stories! : )

If my brain decides to actually cooperate then I may be able to get one more chapter out today. We'll see! ; ) Regardless, I figure this is long enough to whet your appetites for a bit!


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Dean felt himself slipping slowly back into reality and then, just as slowly, falling into a deep slumber that Castiel inflicted on him. There was no pain or fear. Just a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Dean found himself standing on a cliff that overlooked the ocean. He watched the waves crash into the rocks below with a thunderous crash before the water was then dragged back out. The sky was changing colors, a melting pot of blues, pinks, and purples and he could see a few speckles of stars appearing. The smell of sea salt filled his nostrils and lulled him into a sense of peace he hadn't known for quite some time.

He looked to his left and saw Andy the bartender standing beside him, his gaze traveling out over the ocean.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Andy murmured appreciatively.

Dean looked back out and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it is."

"The ocean is an incredibly powerful thing," Andy continued quietly. "It holds secrets man will never know of for hundreds and thousands of years. A thing of mystery and beauty."

Dean looked back over at him, his head cocked in confusion.

"Am I dreaming?"

And finally looked over at Dean and nodded a gentle smile on his lips. "Yes."

Dean paused for a moment, his mind desperately struggling to make sense of everything he had seen over the last 24 hours.

"You're not human, are you?"

Andy chuckled appreciatively. "No, Dean, I'm not. But you know who I am."

Surprisingly, it only took Dean a split second to realize just who he was talking to.

"You're God."

God's smile broadened. "Very good, Dean."

Dean stood quietly as he thought about everything that had happened. Part of him felt like he should be angry at God for everything that had happened. For not stopping it. But then another part of him just felt a calmness settle over him, overpowering the anger.

"Why are you here?"

God shrugged. "Why else? To see you. To talk to you."

"About Castiel?"

"Yes."

Dean swallowed nervously. "What about him?"

God continued to look out at the ocean. "Tell me how you feel about him."

"How I feel about him?"

God nodded, his gaze never wavering.

Dean nervously ran his hand over his face as he struggled to find the words.

"I… I don't know… I just… I need him… I haven't been able to stop thinking about him… I care about him…"

"Do you love him?"

Dean felt himself hesitate which he mentally kicked himself for. Of course he loved Castiel. He had fallen madly in love with the angel. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He felt as though Castiel was the missing piece in his life that he had sought all these long years.

And yet he was afraid to say it. Afraid because of what this moment with God could really mean. That this moment signified the end of Dean and Castiel. That God had come to take his angel home.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Dean."

God's command pried Dean's thoughts from his lips.

"You're going to take him back. Back to Heaven. I'm never going to see him again."

God nodded thoughtfully, still looking out at the ocean. "He is one of my soldiers. One of my finest in fact."

"So what does it matter what I think about him? He's leaving me. It doesn't make a difference."

God turned and looked at him thoughtfully.

"It matters to me how you feel about him, Dean. I asked, so tell me. Are you in love with him?"

Dean felt his throat tighten and he inwardly cursed himself for becoming so emotional. He swallowed hard and turned to look back out at the ocean. A cool breeze caressed his cheek and his eyes closed. He felt like his heart was shattering into a million pieces.

"Yeah," Dean said quietly. "I'm in love with him."

God said nothing for a few minutes, the only sound being the wind and the crashing waves below them. Dean didn't dare say another word, afraid that the moment would final arrive where he would wake up and Castiel wouldn't be there.

And then God spoke.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Dean opened his eyes and looked over at God in confusion. God was looking back at him and smiling gently.

"That is from your Bible. I have always enjoyed that verse. It truly speaks of what love is and what it truly means… love protects… love trusts… love hopes… and love will always persevere, especially when two people share it."

God reached over and rested His hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I cannot promise a life of ease, Dean. There will always be evils out there that must be faced and dealt with. And Castiel will always remain one of my soldiers and he will always be called on to fight that evil. But he loves you and you him. Your souls are forever bonded and I would never desire to part you."

Dean stared at him, speechless. His heart welled up with a joy that he had never felt before. He scarcely could believe what he was hearing.

"You… you mean…"

"So long as you walk the Earth, Dean Winchester, Castiel will remain with you."

Dean was positive his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He stared at God for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Him in a warm embrace. God hugged him back and patted his back while Dean fought down the relieved sobs that had managed to escape.

"Thank you," Dean finally managed to whisper as he pulled back to look at God's face.

God smiled warmly. "Love and cherish him, Dean. Not everyone is so blessed to find their soul mate."

Dean nodded earnestly when suddenly God's expression became startled.

"Oh, yes! Before you go, I'd like to send you off with a bit of a parting gift that I believe you will appreciate."

God reached up with two fingers and touched Dean on the forehead. Suddenly, Dean felt his mind become filled with memories. Memories he hadn't even realized he had lost. Of his first rising from the dead… returning to Bobby and then Sam… of his first meeting with Castiel… of Uriel… Anna… Zachariah… the seals… the church in Utah… the ritual… Castiel saving him… professing their love for each other… Ruby… the demon blood… the final seal breaking… Lucifer rising… Castiel's fall… the trip to find Lucifer… the Jesus theme park… finding Lucifer… his love making with Castiel… the tender moments they had shared… their fight… losing Castiel to Lucifer… their attempted rescue… Castiel dying in his arms…

He remembered it all.

* * *

Oh yeah! On a roll! I keep this up I could actually finish this story tonight! Yes, I said finish it. We are nearing the end. Just trying to decide the best way to wrap it up. I could end it in the next chapter, but some of you might hunt me down if I did! Lol!


	30. Chapter 30

**Warning:** Here there be smut a plenty! You have been warned! Although, I figure the warning is silly at this point if you've read the other two stories and got through this one! ; )

* * *

Chapter 30

The early morning sunlight crept in through the window and spilled out across the sleeping man and angel. Dean slowly opened his eyes and blinked the room into focus, momentarily confused as to where he was and what had happened.

Then he remembered his dream with God. And then he remembered all the memories that had been restored to him.

Dean smiled broadly.

He turned over and watched Castiel as he began to stir awake. Dean felt his mouth salivate as memories of all their previous lovemaking came to the forefront of his mind. The feel of Castiel beneath him… the angel's sweet taste… the cries of pleasure Dean was able to tease out of him…he wanted it all. And the ache he could feel inside of himself reminded him as to how long it had been.

Castiel opened his eyes and saw Dean watching him. He cocked his head in confusion at Dean's expression.

"Are you alright, Dean?" he asked, his voice still rough with sleep.

Dean nodded, his tongue peaking out and running along his dry lips.

"Oh yeah. I'm good. I'm really _really_ good, Cas."

He saw Castiel visibly shiver at the huskiness in Dean's voice. Dean allowed himself to lightly run his hand over Castiel's sheet covered chest, causing the angel's face to turn a pale shade of crimson.

"Wha- what are you doing, Dean?" Castiel stammered nervously.

Dean chuckled lightly and leaned in closer, bringing his face inches from Castiel's.

"I just had the _best_ dream, Cas. Had a little chat with God. Got the green light from him when it comes to us. _And_," Dean unabashedly ran his eyes over Castiel's long lean form. "He gave me all my memories back."

Castiel's eyes widened. "He did?"

Dean nodded, practically purring with delight.

"Oh yeah. So you know what that means?"

Castiel swallowed hard, his nervousness apparent. "What?"

Dean brought his mouth next to Castiel's ear and his voice lowered into a husky whisper.

"I think what you need to do is get me healed ASAP. Because we haven't had sex in a _very_ long time and I want you _right… now._ And I'm ready to take as I am, but I think it'll be a lot more fun if I can go full steam ahead… don't you?"

Castiel's breaths came in more rapid pants at Dean's words, the angel's large blue eyes never leaving the hunter's face. He nervously tried to moisten his lips again as he slowly nodded. Dean smiled wantonly as he lay back down, eager and waiting. He was silently thankful for their current state of undress as they were still only clothed in the underwear and pants they had been left wearing at the warehouse. Now that his memories were back Dean had made up his mind that he and his angel had some catching up to do and he didn't want to be bothered with something as trivial as clothes.

Castiel pushed the sheet off of himself and raised himself over Dean, running his eyes slowly over the hunter's toned form. Dean couldn't help but shiver as he watched Castiel look over him hungrily. He could already feel himself growing aroused and was desperately wishing Castiel would speed things up a little.

"Cas-" Dean groaned impatiently.

Castiel gave him a small smile. "Be patient, Dean. I've been waiting to be able to touch you again for a long time. Let me savor it."

Dean closed his eyes and bit back a groan of frustration. He nodded his assent however. Castiel's smiled broadened momentarily before it faded and his eyes narrowed as he became focused. With deft fingers he carefully and slowly explored of inch of Dean, searching out every injury he had obtained at the demons' hands. Dean did his best to remain still, but had to bite his lower lip as he felt Castiel unbuckle his pants and slide them off. A whine slipped out, though, as Castiel explained in a low voice that he intended to inspect _all_ of Dean's body to make sure no injury was missed.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Castiel brought his face up to Dean's. Dean opened his eyes and felt his breath catch as he stared into Castiel's deep blue ones. A million thoughts flew through his mind, but one stood out the most. He was finally where he was meant to be. He was with his lover. His soul mate. And there was nothing left separating them.

Castiel smiled at Dean before slowly leaning in, barely brushing his lips against the hunters. Suddenly Dean felt the warmth entering him, filling him and taking away the pain of his injuries. He could feel the tendrils of arousal unfurling in his belly and every fiber ached for more of Castiel. As the warmth began to diminish and Dean felt himself fully healed the dam finally burst. He grabbed Castiel by the back of his head and crashed their mouths together in a fiery kiss. Castiel let out a moan of desire, relief flooding through him at finally being able to touch Dean with no fear.

They each explored each other's body with their hands while they delved into each other's mouths with their tongues, probing and tasting the other's sweetness. Dean eagerly fumbled with Castiel's pants, shoving them impatiently down off his hips and pulling them off his legs. He then flipped the angel onto his back and ran his hand over Castiel now boxer-covered erection. Castiel gasped with pleasure and thrust wantonly into Dean's hand. He let out a groan when Dean pulled away, but it was quickly replaced with a strangled cry of pleasure as Dean took the angel's cloth-covered erection into his mouth, eagerly licking and sucking it. Castiel gripped the sheets tightly with both hands and squeezed his eyes, to overcome to watch. He felt himself coming closer and closer to completion when suddenly Dean stopped and moved himself back up so they were once again face-to-face.

"Castiel," Dean said, his voice thick with lust, "Baby, I need to ask you for something."

"Dean, please…" Castiel whimpered desperately. "Please, don't stop!"

"I'm not stopping, Cas," Dean replied. "But I want two things from you first."

"Yes! Whatever it is, yes!"

Dean chuckled and kissed Castiel again deeply before pulling back to look at him again.

"First, I want you permission to make love to you. Like we did that night in Georgia. Do you remember?"

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded.

"When… I was under Lucifer's lust spell."

Dean nodded his nervousness noticeable at Castiel's words. "Are you OK with that?"

Castiel bit his lower lip, blushing at the memory before nodding in agreement. Dean's face relaxed and he smiled.

"OK. Good. The other thing is more of a request… it's up to you if you want to or not."

Castiel cocked his head, now curious. "What would you like me to do?"

Dean took a deep breath, obviously nervous about his request.

"I… I want to see your wings," Dean managed to get out in a rush. "I want to touch them while we make love."

He expected the angel to look at him as if he had just sprouted ten heads or something. He expected Castiel to say his wings were off limits. Was he was not expecting was to see Castiel's eyes light up and for him to nod so enthusiastically that he might hurt himself.

"Yes!"

"Really?" Dean could scarcely believe it.

Castiel smiled as he moved Dean aside and rose to a kneeling position in front of him, his back facing the hunter. Castiel then closed his eyes and lowered his head. Dean could hardly breathe as he watched Castiel's wings carefully unfold behind him. When they were completely exposed Castiel opened his eyes and looked up at Dean, a shy smile on his face.

"Like that?" he asked somewhat timidly.

"Oh yeah," Dean replied breathlessly. This was truly when Castiel was at his finest. Dean reverently ran his hand over the downy soft feathers, hardly able to believe how trusting Castiel was towards him. Dean moved in closer until he was in between each wing and pressed up against Castiel's back. He then ran one hand along one wing, starting at the base and stroking the wing as far as he could reach and the repeating the gesture on the other wing. As he stroked, he pressed soft, sensual kisses on the nape of Castiel's neck and then trailed the kisses down until he was licking and kissing at the base of Castiel's wings. Castiel gripped the headboard tightly, his head bowed and eyes squeezed shut. Dean's actions had rendered him speechless, allowing him only to moan and whimper as he struggled not to come.

Finally, Dean found he couldn't contain his own desires any longer. He pulled away from Castiel, despite the angel's loud protest.

"Shh, Cas," Dean murmured gently. "I just need to get something."

He leaned over and went through his duffle bag which was lying on the floor next to the bed. He was quickly able to locate the bottle of lube that was resting in its depths.

"Take the rest of your clothes off for me, Cas," Dean commanded quietly.

Castiel was quick to respond to Dean's request. He slid the boxers down off his hips as he removed them. Dean drank in the sight of the angel's naked body as he quickly removed his own underwear. He carefully lubed up a finger before moving back up against Castiel and sliding his finger into the angel's opening. Dean's member twitched with anticipation as Castiel let out a gasp at the intrusion, but soon was thrusting eagerly against Dean's hand. Dean responded by inserting another digit, gently stretching the opening so that it wouldn't hurt later on. Finally, when Dean felt Castiel was ready, he withdrew his hand, eliciting a cry of disappointment from Castiel. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel middle and whispered into his ear.

"Are you ready, Cas?"

Castiel moaned. "Please, Dean… please… I need you!"

The desperation in Castiel's voice finally broke Dean and he slid himself inside of the angel, causing Castiel to cry out again, this time his voice tinged with pleasure. Dean thrust hard into Castiel, all thoughts of careful restraint gone as he felt the tight heat surrounding him. Knowing that he wasn't going to last long he dropped his hand from Castiel's middle and wrapped it around the angel's weeping member. He began jerking him off in time with his thrusts. The feel of the feathers of Castiel's wings stroking his body as he drove himself in the angel was rapidly pulling Dean to the edge. He felt Castiel come first, the angel's seed spilling across Dean's hand in hot spurts while Castiel screamed and spasmed around him. Dean quickly came right after, burying his face into Castiel's next as he cried out Castiel's name.

They collapsed together onto the bed, boneless and sated from their coupling. Castiel turned to face Dean who smiled contently at him. Dean pulled Castiel forward and kissed him slowly and lazily.

"I love you so much," Dean murmured blissfully.

Castiel smiled the joy of hearing Dean say those words clear in his eyes.

"I love you too, Dean."

* * *

God, smut takes me forever to write! I get so embarrassed! Lol!

Well, the next chapter is going to be the last chapter. I know! I know there are quite a few of you who don't want this to end! However, 1. I seriously have no other ideas for where I can go with this series and 2. I have at least one other story that needs to be worked on PLUS a new story that I've begun. I promise, though, if I can ever think of something that I'd like to write about for this series I will write another sequel! : )


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Love is never an easy thing and it was no different for Dean and Castiel. First came the issue of telling others about them, specifically Bobby and Sam. Bobby, of course, was understandably pleased that the two had _finally_ quit being idgits and confess their feelings for each other. Sam, however, took a little longer to be comfortable with the situation. Dean couldn't blame him. He never shared his memories of before with Sam and never intended to. So this was a dramatic change that his younger brother was being forced to witness. Still, Sam being Sam only ever wanted one thing for Dean and that was to make sure his brother was happy.

And Dean was. He had never been happier in his whole life.

Still, real life always gets in the way. Despite the Apocalypse being over there were still monsters out there to hunt and people who needed protection. And there were still holy wars being fought that the human race never were aware of. So the hunter and angel were often separated, sometimes for months at a time. It was difficult for both of them, but they understood that their work would always take precedence over their relationship and they each accepted that.

They lay on the motel room bed in a rare moment where they could be together. They watched TV quietly, the only sign of their true relationship was their hands clasped together in the middle of the bed. Dean stole a look at Castiel, marveling at his fortune for the millionth time that he had been blessed with the love of such a creature. Castiel caught his glance and smiled warmly back at him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Dean smiled in return, both men comfortable with each other and not needing words to express themselves.

Dean didn't know what time would do to them. He didn't know if he'd be alive from day to day. He didn't know where their missions would take them or how long they'd be apart for. All he knew was that the love they shared was real and he never had to doubt it.

And that was all that mattered to him.

_The End_

* * *

*sigh* I can't believe I'm writing _The End_ and actually really meaning it! I haven't done that in a very long time!

I'd just like to thank all my very loyal readers out there who have kept me motivated to continue this series. It has been a pleasure to write and many of you have given me such wonderful ideas! So thank you all so very much! : )


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